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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not care about moderate swearing

89 replies

Selfimproved · 09/09/2016 22:10

Just had a message from mum in class asking how we feel about our kids (f9) being shown a clip in music where the singer sings/ mumbles 'fuck' once.
I asked my son and when he explained it, it was two examples of the same song. One original blues version, one nirvana version.
I know the kids see and hear worse at home / in music videos. I can't get worked up about this. I know this mum will kick up a fuss.

OP posts:

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 09/09/2016 22:21

I was never able to care much about swearing when DC were younger. I knew they'd always hear it at school so we never hid it really. We made sure that we made clear that swearing within earshot of non-family/teachers/other adults was likely to be poorly received. Seems to have worked - we swear like navvies - but only in the home!

Purplebluebird · 09/09/2016 22:21

yanbu! They will hear worse elsewhere, it's just a word. It's not like their teacher is swearing at them!

MakemineaGandT · 09/09/2016 22:26

Swear words don't bother me either........they are just words.......it's the intent behind them that is offensive, not theories themselves, so it's all about context.

That mum is being precious and pathetic

MakemineaGandT · 09/09/2016 22:26

Theories?! The words!

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 09/09/2016 22:28

I would not be happy about a kid hearing the word "fuck" at age 9 in an educational context.

And I don't actually consider "fuck" to be moderate swearing.

What would you consider to be extreme swearing, OP? Cunt?

feelingdizzy · 09/09/2016 22:31

Not to bothered about swearing either.

littlepeas · 09/09/2016 22:33

I opened this expecting it to be about saying things like bloody hell around the dc at home (which I do). Fuck is a strong swear word and one I wouldn't be happy about them being exposed to at school.

MakemineaGandT · 09/09/2016 22:34

I assumed it was Year 9 (I.e. 13) not age 9?

Onedaftmonkey · 09/09/2016 22:37

I want to know what nirvana song. My Ds has been raised on punk and grunge. He never swears ( if he has done it's never been an issue ) I think so long as you let them know it's not socially acceptable especially in school. Then Fuck it.

Original poster

Selfimproved · 09/09/2016 22:49

one daft monkey he said it was a version of "where did she sleep last night'

It's form 9, not age 9 - so ages 13 and 14 this year.

By 'moderate' I meant it was a tiny part of his day - he probably heard worse at break (or from me on the drive depending on the traffic).

Yes the word fuck is not acceptable but it wasn't the central part of the exercise in my opinion.

OP posts:

engineersthumb · 09/09/2016 23:43

I really dislike public acceptance of bad language particularly around children. Having grown up in a not so salubrious area it was always a noticeable habit of the ignorant.

ladyjadey · 10/09/2016 01:40

I have sworn in front of 10yo DD. She knows these words are offensive to some and would not use them at school etc.

My view - words are words. It's people who decide cake is OK and shit is bad. As long as context is applied and understood......fuck it

Birdsgottafly · 10/09/2016 02:10

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks, she's got the right to object, there's plenty of Nirvana versions without swearing in.

My youngest DD's (now 18) school would ban Parents from the playground for swearing, so it would be a bit hypocritical to play that version.

It would be interesting to hear the Heads reply, from what I've gathered they've enough to worry about making sure that shoes are a certain type and the lads hair isn't too short/long.

Longlost10 · 10/09/2016 02:54

.they are just words

no they are not, 'words' are vocabulary, stored in the area of the brain concerned with communication, words considered socially to be blasphemous, or swearing are stored elsewhere totally, and their use is neurologically perceived to be an act of aggression, not communication. They have a vital social function, to indicate the first stage in an escalation into violence, and minimalising their use is damaging, leaving children without the ability to use or recognise that vital first indicator in a deteriorating situation.

Longlost10 · 10/09/2016 02:56

That mum is being precious and pathetic

no, she is being emotionally intelligent and brave

PeachBellini123 · 10/09/2016 09:54

Longlost - he's 13 not 3

I'm surprised the mum who messaged the OP even knew about it. Her son/daughter must have gone home and told her which I find a bit pathetic. I'd be delighted my kids were being played decent music to be honest

TheHiphopopotamus · 10/09/2016 10:10

I wouldn't call 'fuck' moderate swearing, but aside from that, if they're 13, they will have heard much worse in the playground.

Why didn't they just play a version that didn't contain the word fuck though? There are plenty about (by Nirvana too), because there's always that one parent.

At that age, I don't think I could get worked up about it though, to be honest. At least they're playing them good music, as someone else said.

mrsfuzzy · 10/09/2016 13:11

don't like fuck, bollocks or cunt, the last two really get my rage though. good for the mum speaking up about it but in the real word this stuff happens and sadly it is heard too freely out of the mouths of some 'so called parents' when screaming at their ferals.
it is the sometimes aggressive tone which in these words are said in that winds me up. that can be intimidating. otherwise i take the ignore it attitude. if you can't speak without swearing every other word then i don't want to speak / listen to what you have to say [i'm now going to be called a snob but i'm okay with that]

JellyBelli · 10/09/2016 13:17

Its a good idea to let them hear it so they can see its no big deal.

Fartooexpensive · 10/09/2016 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BIWI · 10/09/2016 13:22

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with it - but it also depends why they're doing it.

What's the point that the teacher is trying to make?

strawberrybootlace · 10/09/2016 13:22

Swearing doesn't offend me and I can't get too worked up about kids being exposed to it or, within reason, swearing themselves. But I tell my own kids that not everyone sees it this way and that they should consider other people's feelings by not swearing in public.

Would not be too happy about them being 'taught' swearing in school, as this gives the impression that everyone should be ok with it. And not everyone is.

JellyBelli · 10/09/2016 13:23

If they hear it in anger in a significnt situation, such as the case of a parent screaming at them, then it is stored in a different part of the brain.

If they hear it in a calm environment, then its just words. Kids need to learn to deal with stuff, even things that are not very nice. 'Fuck' is a very mild thing to 'have to deal with'.

FellOutOfBed2wice · 10/09/2016 13:27

Can't get worked up about this. They'll be reading books in English lessons with swearing in a swell. It's important, IMO anyway, to be exposed to swearing in these contexts so that you know how and when it's acceptable to use the words.

GobblersKnob · 10/09/2016 13:29

I couldn't get excited about that, but I am massively lax about sweating in music, my dcs listen to Tim Minchin and have heard for example

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