...to stab my DH...

[liz70]

...for keeping me awake yet again with his snoring, grunting and farting last night? Sadly, though, I fear his life insurance pay out would be pretty derisory.

Oh, to have separate bedrooms. #dream on

Nope. I had no sleep last night because my husband did the same thing

You're going to get some flak for that title OP

Mine ends up in the spare room when he snores loudly, especially after a few beers!

I feel for you!

If you stab him then the life insurance wouldn't pay out to you. (lighthearted!)

Can't you do the elbow in the ribs or turn him onto his side?

"You're going to get some flak for that title OP"

I should hope that most readers are sufficiently intelligent to take it in the relatively light-hearted spirit in which it was intended.

Do you have a comfy sofa?

And no, it's not ok to stab anyone.

YANBU, OP, stab him in the eye.

Some of the responses on here are perfect exemplars of why MN is getting boring. Serious sense of humour failures. I suspect lots of MNers have funny threads they want to start but can't be bothered explaining that it's light hearted so just never both. And thus...

"If you stab him then the life insurance wouldn't pay out to you. (lighthearted!)"

Bollocks. Hadn't thought of that.

"Can't you do the elbow in the ribs or turn him onto his side?"

I do, but then he rolls back over again. Then just when I've drifted off, the sound of an asthmatic warthog the git, on his back, snoring his head off, wakes me up again. envies single people just now

Sense of humour police are out today.

YANBU OP. But do it with a toothpick

Stab him in the arse.

Rather than the PA comments at people who have obviously been affected as "sense of humour police", why not address that poster directly?

Told you

Glue bits of lego on his back so when he rolls on his back it is agonisingly painful. You might not get much more sleep but neither will he so you will feel vindicated.

Sex I've had a family member killed by being run over by a 10-wheeled articulated lorry, but if OP had come on and said "AIBU to run my DH over" I'd understand it was not meant in a serious fashion.

liz my DP snores and I end up pinching him when he's at his worst. Not hard, just enough to unsettle his sleep so he shifts position.

Then I lie there plotting his death.

Sex how awful.

I am loving that idea Chaz

DW put a big scratch down the side of our new car yesterday through sheer carelessness. WIBU to throw her down the cellar stairs?

Ha ha, just kidding. Hope the sense of humour police aren't out in force today.

SexLube Not that specifically, no.

But my dad was an alcoholic and died from it in a horrible way. I understand that when people recommend drinking copious amounts of wine to cope with work, children, DH etc., it's light hearted

It's one thing to balls up and say something intended to be light hearted which upsets someone.
It's quite another when you start attacking that person who is clearly upset.

With a fork. Also comes in handy for noisy eating dh - a sly nudge of the prongs usually instigates better table manners.

Sex
I am sorry for what you went through. I am sure the OP didn't mean to cause you any pain.

Mine woke me at 03.18 with the neverending grinding of teeth (it is soooo annoying).