To think DP didn't fool anyone

[EarlGrayAndCake]

We were sitting in a very genteel cafe when DP looked uncomfortable and leaned to the left. A massive trump came ripping out.

DP looks horrified, whispers 'oh, shit!' and then announces to the cafe at large 'Oh! Erm,mosques,h chairs!'

AIBU to think he fooled no one?

Classy

Erm,mosques,h chairs!

What?

Did you find that funny?

Mosques? Confused

Huh?

I totally don't know what happened there

Some weird autocorrect - meant to be 'oh, shit!'

Sorry. How weird

And they wonder why live entertainment venues are closing

Musical chairs, maybe?

Seems you are both making embarrassing mistakes today!

I would hide.

Urgh, disgusting

Just told my DP he is still laughing.

I think I need to!

It was meant to say DP announced to the room at large that the chairs were squeaky. Apologies!

well that's the weirdest autocorrect ever!

My ex, who was a total pisshead, came to a fancy department store with me to look at chairs. Sat on a £650 suede chair and let rip with a massive fart. Didn't even look shamefaced. The sales assistant was horrified.

When she left us, he said sheepishly, "did you hear that?" I told him the pigeons on the roof had fucking heard it, and he shook his head earnestly.

"It's not what you think," he promised - and pulled a pair of nail scissors out of his rear pocket. When he'd sat down, they had punctured the chair, but being a cheapskate fuckwit, he'd rather the sales assistant thought he'd farted than charged him for the chair...

im the first to laugh at farts but in a cafe thats gross was anyone near by eating

Yep, my DP still sniggering.

scarednoob
I'm laughing my HEAD off at that!!!

It was awfully embarrassing! Thought it might cheer the OP up!!

I'd endure a lot of shame to leave £650 in my account as well.

It did, scared!

It was an accident, puss, it was the look of horror on his face that so amused me.

Of course it was 'the chair' Arfarf, we believe you. Really, it was the chair😉