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AIBU?

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Original poster

Creepy fucker

56 replies

FellOutOfBed2wice · 23/08/2016 15:22

AIBU to think that maybe the course of true love never did run smooth, but this is creepy fucker territory?

My best friends boss is a well known local "character". Ran a cafe with his first wife for years in the local town- from the time they married in the late sixties until the late ninties. He brought her out after he left her- at the age of 45- for their 23 year old daughters best friend. Cue, local scandal. But I accept that sometimes, love is a mystery and maybe they were in love. They had two kids together and seemed very happy- according to BF, I only know them in passing- for nearly 20 years.

Just heard he's left his "new" wife for one of her nieces!! She's 26.

I'm trying not to be judgemental here but that's grim and not about true love, is it? That's being a dirty old man!!

This is my first time on AIBU but the whole thing has grossed me and my friend out and I just wanted to check I wasn't needing my judgey pants taking off. No problem with age gaps- been out with older men myself and almost 15 years between my parents, so very comfortable with that- just think this is perv territory. What a wrong un!

OP posts:
Amelie10 · 23/08/2016 15:53

Yanbu, he sounds so creepy and both the 23 and 26yo sound like desperate fools. I feel sorry for his first wife though, lucky escape for her.

KC225 · 23/08/2016 15:59

Sounds like he doesn't want to grow up. I get what he gets out of it but not what the ever younger girls get out of it.

Poor daughter from his first marriage. Loses her Dad to her best friend and now best friend is traded in for a younger model

TheNaze73 · 23/08/2016 16:25

YABU, if they're both happy what's the problem?

HornyTortoise · 23/08/2016 16:31

I used to be quite judgemental about age gaps..not sure why. But my FIL has changed that, he is 65 and his partner now is 39 (6 years older than his youngest son, and 6 years younger than his oldest son) but before her he settled down for a fair bit with a 21 year old! He is so..young...in mind. Seriously he has more energy than most people I know and looks a lot younger which In think helps attracting the younger ones. But his interests and such are exactly the same as ours/our friends, he doesn't want to give up work as it will make him feel old (despite being able to comfortably retire 4 years back) and just generally..seems a lot younger than he is. He is lovely.

DP was pissed off with the 21 year old thing though as she was 10 years his junior at the time, and even younger than me Grin It did turn out she was only after his cash though so it ended quite badly.

Amelie10 · 23/08/2016 16:31

Naze your dad leaving your mum for your best friend is all fine? Right.

butterfliesandzebras · 23/08/2016 16:39

It's pretty obvious he likes 20-something women's bodies but has no use for them once they hit their 40's. There's no love in the equation. Can't imagine why anyone would give such a sad fuck the time of day, but apparently least the women have fallen for his 'charms'.

HornyTortoise · 23/08/2016 16:41

However, having read over the OP again properly, yes this one sounds a bit of a creep.

BiddyPop · 23/08/2016 16:47

The maths are not adding up for me - he married DW1 at roughly 15?!

Arfarfanarf · 23/08/2016 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arfarfanarf · 23/08/2016 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KinkyAfro · 23/08/2016 16:57

Well I'd judge. My best friend's partner of 20 years has just left her for a 17 year old....he's 49.

Jellybeam · 23/08/2016 16:58

He sounds like a loser and a creep. Lock up your daughters

LizzieMacQueen · 23/08/2016 16:58

So if this new one is his wife's niece, has he known her since she was a baby? That is not nice.

FullTimeYummy · 23/08/2016 17:11

So he stayed with his first wife when they were teenagers, they lasted for nearly thirty years, then had two kids and a twenty year marriage to his second wife.

That's a hell of lot more more marriage than many people manage.

A lot of men can't keep a wife happy for 20+ years and this guy has managed it twice.

oldlaundbooth · 23/08/2016 17:15

So how old actually is he?

KurriKurri · 23/08/2016 17:22

I judge men who cheat on their wives - because people always get hurt in the process, age is largely irrelevant except that he obviously has form for trading in his wives for a younger model as if they were possessions.

A lot of men can't keep a wife happy for 20+ years and this guy has managed it twice.
Well no he hasn't has he?- He's made two women and probably several children very very unhappy. I've been the discarded wife - it is devastating, you never really get over it, your family is torn apart and children a deeply hurt and upset.

What an incredibly glib and unfeeling remark - shows a complete lack of empathy and imagination, and is very sexist.

mumofthemonsters808 · 23/08/2016 17:26

I'm presuming he's wealthy to keep attracting these younger women and I'm visualising a Clint Eastwood type looking older man. I was chatting to a 95 year old man at the seaside today, who actually looked younger than my 70 year old FIL , he told me the secret of his good health was plenty of women, he had buried three wives, apparently he now only stays with them for a fortnight and then moves on. I could not help but laugh, but then had to close the conversation when he proceeded to tell me that there is not much he is physically able to do but look at the ceiling. I took the conversation back to his six months in Australia.

FullTimeYummy · 23/08/2016 17:27

There's no suggestion he cheated on anybody, and there's no suggestion his previous wives were unhappily married to him.

rosesarered9 · 23/08/2016 17:37

HornyTortoise Is it not weird for your FIL's eldest son to have a stepmum younger than him?

KurriKurri · 23/08/2016 17:37

He left both his wives for another woman. If he hadn't cheated (whether physically or emotionally) he wouldn't have had another woman lined up - he'd have left, ended his marriage and then started looking for a new relationship - that's how a decent human being would behave.

No- there is no suggestion that his wives were unhappily married - which must have made the fact that he dumped them even more devastating.

FullTimeYummy · 23/08/2016 17:50

So if a man leaves their partner for another woman, it's better if the new woman is older that the old one?

KurriKurri · 23/08/2016 18:06

Was that addressed to me - I said in my post that age is largely irrelevant, cheating is always a skanky thing to do, whatever the age of the other woman. I have no problem with men or women having a large age gap.

In this case however the man has demonstrated (by a repeated pattern of behaviour) that he starts to look around for something new once a woman reaches a certain age. That's even nastier because it is treating women like a possession.

Why do you think that marriage is about a man 'keeping a wife happy' ? A woman is not a dog to be kept, fed and watered, - marriage is a partnership where two people try to treat each other with kindness and consideration, and are of equal importance in the relationship. That doesn't include the mindset 'this one;s a bit old and worn out, I'll keep a look out for something a bit newer. I kept her happy for X years, now I can get a different one.'

I am always astonished by the 'I was faithful for 20 years so I've done really well' attitude. Fidelity is what you are supposed to do - it's not a thing to be congratulated on, it's a given when you make promises on your wedding day.

Purplebluebird · 23/08/2016 18:07

Eh! Yeah it's a bit creepy...

FullTimeYummy · 23/08/2016 18:15

KurriKurri:

Release the death-grip on your pearls, stop jumping to conclusions and open your mind a little.

You're welcome

DownWithThisSortaThing · 23/08/2016 18:16

YABU, if they're both happy what's the problem?

Well if it was just an age difference I wouldn't really have an opinion. But he left his first wife for his daughters best friend and then left her for her niece. Must be horrifying for his daughter, and it must have caused a bit of a rift in his own family and in the niece's family, to say the least. Horrible behaviour, dropping women for their younger relatives or friends.