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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

re DD (nearly 5) and TV?

69 replies

CheshireDing · 18/08/2016 16:37

So today swimming lesson this morning, home for lunch and a bit of play on their on then 3 hours at a farm where they have bouncy stuff, tractors etc with a picnic. All this is literally minutes from our house so it's not been lots of sitting in the car and long journeys.

The SECOND we get in the car to come home DD (nearly 5) starts about the bloody TV, "can I watch TV" "can I watch Paw Patrol" etc etc. This has just started a few weeks ago and then she just goes on and ON and ON asking.

The 2 year old doesn't ask and DD never used to so I presume partly it's an age thing but it drives me crazy.

I thought last week about getting rid of the TV anyway because we don't even watch it but DH said that was a bit extreme.

I have always let them have 30 minutes a day, unless it's a film or slobbing/chilling at Christmas. DH and I are thinking maybe we are being too harsh now and that's what has led to the incessant asking, even when we have done more interesting stuff.

The asking is driving me crazy but I am struggling in my mind with me giving her more TV per day, especially when it's 27 degrees and she should be in the garden.

Are we being too harsh ? What do other people do ? I am sick of her asking and I have told her that numerous times :( she ignores and carries on asking anyway

OP posts:

Grilledaubergines · 18/08/2016 16:40

Let her watch tv. Does it really matter if some days she watches more than others? Or if she's in to a particular programme.

Just me probably but I think it's better just to take a more relaxed stance on these things. The novelty wears off and you save battle.

NewNameNotTheSame · 18/08/2016 16:41

You'll get some people who insist on having meaningful play every minute of the day with their kids, and others who are happy to let them sit for hours in front of a screen.

Seeing salad you've been swimming and spent 3 hours walking and bouncing around a farm in 27 degree heat... I personally see no issue with her watching some TV whilst you cook dinner or whatever else. She's probably knackered!

Grilledaubergines · 18/08/2016 16:41

The the being in the garden, not everyone enjoys heat. Maybe she just wants to relax and not be doing something.

NewNameNotTheSame · 18/08/2016 16:41

Seeing as, not seeing salad

Poocatcherchampion · 18/08/2016 16:41

We don't really watch telly but with an overloaded day like that I would certainly let them relax for a bit.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/08/2016 16:42

I've never restricted it, and this has worked 100% for my 2, especially eldest dd. We're out most of the time anyway, but if we're home after a busy day I have no problem with them watching it. (Possibly) as a result they're not really interested now, except movies. Dd7 has not had any screen time at all this summer holidays through her own choice.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 18/08/2016 16:42

Oh God, I agree. I can't find it in me to get worked up about TV! my DDs self regulate and it's fine.

NapQueen · 18/08/2016 16:43

Why can't she watch it?

After a day like that all I'd want is a brew and a bit of MNing. Surely that's the equivalent of paw patrol to a 4yo.

witsender · 18/08/2016 16:44

We don't have a TV, the kids don't notice now and dh and I never watched it anyway. Every few days they might ask to watch something (my little ponies right now) and depending on what we have done that day we normally say yes, they go and sit in our bed and watch it from DH's computer. (He works from home a lot.)

We definitely noticed a big decline in behaviour when they used to watch what was, in our eyes, too much TV so we are all happier this way.

witsender · 18/08/2016 16:46

But after a busy day, in this heat, I would say yes if mine asked.

NoFuchsGiven · 18/08/2016 16:48

Do You regulate your tv usage to 30 minutes a day op?

Original poster

CheshireDing · 18/08/2016 16:52

Ok, if we chilled the heck out over the TV would you still restrict when and how long ?

Currently it's 30 mins after lunch or before dinner (TV never on in the mornings) but she has asked for it a few times in the morning.

I think I am worried that she will watch too much and not play with toys/go in the garden etc, plus DS (nearly 3) will be watching the same (which she didnt watch when she was 3).

Will they just get bored and stop asking do you think?

OP posts:

wigglesrock · 18/08/2016 16:53

Yes, I think you're being a bit harsh. I don't regulate my kids - they're 11, 8 and 5. If they want the tv on and we're not doing anything else, heading out, having dinner then they can have it on. I've never set a time limit and tbh watching tv and screen time is just something that my kids treat as another activity like drawing, playing outside, riding their bike, dressing up, reading playing with their toys. It has never has been an issue we argue over and it hasn't become the holy grail to them.

Original poster

CheshireDing · 18/08/2016 16:54

Honestly don't even watch it Fuchs, we have a newborn too so too knackered and aside from Bake Off (which yes is more than 30 mins) there only ever seems to be shite reality stuff on anyway.

OP posts:

Grilledaubergines · 18/08/2016 16:56

Watching tv at their age encourages other play away from the TV. Not suggesting you sit them in from of it morning to night but just let them be. Or watch it with them. When they lose interest, suggest something else for them to do.

Something almost forbidden has much more appeal.

Original poster

CheshireDing · 18/08/2016 16:56

what did you class as too much tv wit? before you got rid

OP posts:

wigglesrock · 18/08/2016 17:00

I've noticed that grilledaubergine my 5 year old loves Down on the Farm and Time for school on CBeebies. If she watches Time for School she'll then spend 90 mins or so playing school herself and she'll look for books about school. She's obsessed with farms at the minute, we live in a city, she watches Down on the Farm - sings the song on repeat then lines up all her toy sheep (which she's now collecting) and plays being a farmer whilst wearing wellies and insisting we grow things

Grilledaubergines · 18/08/2016 17:03

So sweet wiggles. I do think it helps their imagination.

We love a farm programme here or a Paul O'Grady animal series. We're not an animal loving family really so really enjoy watching. It encourages lots of conversation and questions and googling information.

mumbathing · 18/08/2016 17:06

Our TV is on all day every day (except when we go out of course). Because it has always been like that the kids treat it like background noise. A bit like having the radio on all day. They still disappear of to their rooms or into the garden for hours to play with their toys.
Because we don't make a big deal of it they don't make a big deal of it

DotForShort · 18/08/2016 17:11

I think 30 minutes a day for a 5-year-old sounds reasonable. I wouldn't say you are too harsh. However, more TV wouldn't be the end of the world either, as long as it doesn't go too far in the other direction. I know a 3-year-old who watches 6 hours of TV a day, which IMO is far too much.

TV can become an insidious habit, and some children aren't really able to regulate themselves appropriately. I would also be a bit hesitant to relent simply because she is asking for more TV. Do you want to send the message that she can have what she wants if she wears you down with constant requests?

TheCrumpettyTree · 18/08/2016 17:12

I've never noticed that having the tv on stops my DC playing. They often get toys and play in front of the tv or wander off and ignore it.

I tend to have it on in the morning when I'm tired and in the evening when they are! Sometimes they choose a dvd to watch.

Iggi999 · 18/08/2016 17:12

Surely it's all about variety? You've had energetic activities, outdoor activities, and now someone wants to sit on a couch in the cool and find out what Marshall is up to today.
Their lives sound very full on. I would have no problem at all with a "screen" at this point in the day.

davos · 18/08/2016 17:17

Both my kids 12 and 5 have never had time restrictions.

Both like to buy more than happy to not watch it. They saw 30 mins this morning before we went out and haven't watched it since we got back. Through choice.

Sometimes we do nothing but watch tv. It's an occasional thing. We love lazy TV days.

I don't think there is a perfect amount. I think it's about balance. In my opinion they have done plenty of outdoor and active stuff. Watching paw patrol then dinner, then a bit more before bath and bed, isn't a huge amount.

TheArtistFormerlyKnownAs · 18/08/2016 17:18

It's nice that some kids can self-regulate and some parents are ok with tons of screen time, but my 6-year-old would literally do nothing but zone out in front of a screen all day if it were allowed. Also like you, OP, I don't want my 3-year-old watching as much and the same things as the 6-year-old watches. We don't have a specific time amount but we do limit screen time quite a bit. It sometimes causes issues but I've found the best thing to do is be consistent so they know when they can and can't expect to watch it. So if you always let her watch before lunch, she knows that's when her tv time is, and if she asks any other time you just say it isn't lunchtime, is it? I also find it works as a pretty powerful incentive for good behavior or other things I want them to do, so perhaps you can give her the opportunity to "earn" a bit more time, and if she doesn't then that's on her. It is a fact that my younger child gets WAY more screen time than the older one did, but for many reasons that's just the nature of the beast.

I do try to limit my own screen time as well, because I know how powerfully addicting it can be. I don't expect my young children to understand the downsides or have the power to self-regulate as an adult would, so I see it as my job to help them do that, just like I make sure they brush their teeth, bathe, put on clean pants, and a whole host of other things I will eventually expect them to do themselves. But it takes time, maturity, and training to get to that point.

Glittered · 18/08/2016 17:30

My dr nearly 5 is getting the same I guess it's an age thing but she's really active plays a lot etc so I don't see the harm really. Saying that I have a new baby and I do find I'm putting tv on more so I can settle the baby

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