re DD (nearly 5) and TV?

[CheshireDing]

So today swimming lesson this morning, home for lunch and a bit of play on their on then 3 hours at a farm where they have bouncy stuff, tractors etc with a picnic. All this is literally minutes from our house so it's not been lots of sitting in the car and long journeys.

The SECOND we get in the car to come home DD (nearly 5) starts about the bloody TV, "can I watch TV" "can I watch Paw Patrol" etc etc. This has just started a few weeks ago and then she just goes on and ON and ON asking.

The 2 year old doesn't ask and DD never used to so I presume partly it's an age thing but it drives me crazy.

I thought last week about getting rid of the TV anyway because we don't even watch it but DH said that was a bit extreme.

I have always let them have 30 minutes a day, unless it's a film or slobbing/chilling at Christmas. DH and I are thinking maybe we are being too harsh now and that's what has led to the incessant asking, even when we have done more interesting stuff.

The asking is driving me crazy but I am struggling in my mind with me giving her more TV per day, especially when it's 27 degrees and she should be in the garden.

Are we being too harsh ? What do other people do ? I am sick of her asking and I have told her that numerous times :( she ignores and carries on asking anyway

I have sons - now 15 and 17 yrs old and they've watched A LOT of TV over the years, I tried to restrict it but got tired of the battles. However despite their hours glued to the gogglebox against the odds they have grown into outgoing, enlightened, hard working, articulate young men who have friends and girlfriends and who can talk to people of all ages. They saw a friend of mine recently who texted me to say "so nice to spend time with your lovely and interesting to talk to sons". I don't think it's done them any harm. My partner was TV obsessed as a young girl - she especially loved those American cartoons of the 70s. The Dastardly Races that sort of thing . She's now a high flying academic. I really wouldn't worry about it.

TV has its uses as quiet time, particularly on busy days.

DS watched a lot in my SPD ridden pregnant and postnatal days when he was about 2. When I felt human and mobile again I put the plug into a timer so the TV would turn off at my favoured time after a couple of weeks, the tantrums stopped and he quietly pootled off to do something else. He's the type who gets deeply absorbed into things and TV was one of them. He's picked up lots of good things from it too though. Now he's 5, he's much more selective. My only real rule is about using streaming during the day- that's saved for the evening, the same with YouTube videos.

I restrict TV and the answer is if they know when they can have it and you are consistent then they do stop asking. The same as for anything else - if you eventually cave to pestering they know they will get it if they keep asking. I am a bit more relaxed in the holidays but when I turn it off and say that's enough TV then it doesn't go back on. I very rarely watch it myself. Kids will happily relax with a book or play with each other/their toys most of the time.

At around the same age my boy was the same with his play station. I don't know where it came from and the more I tried to control the situation, the more obsessed he became.

So I asked his reception teacher and she said 'just let him do it, your making it a battle' I thought yea alright then, was not convinced at all.

Every Time he asked to go on the play station I said 'okay', literally within 2 days he got it all out of his system, then barely asked again

P.s he didn't sit there for 2 days constant by the way, at first it was a long session and then slowly decreased, within 2 days he never ask!

We've had a really busy holidays and today DD asked to stay in (she is very tired).
She's watched TV all day, in that it's been on all day, she's played, she did craft, she wrote some invitations and decorated them.
She rarely sits down glued to it so I don't object - I don't like computer games or her friend who watch things on iPad on their laps not moving for hours as it means it's all they are doing.
As long as they aren't sat there all day slack jawed staring at it, I don't bother. If it's stays as mostly background I'm fine with it.

Growing up I had a couple of friends whose parents were strict about pointless things (tv. Not wearing black, only allowed to listen to certain types of music) both went completely off the rails as teenagers. One still lives like a teenage goth at the age of 40!stressing out about a kid watching TV after a day which would have tired me out is pointless. Your DDs friends are prob talking about whatever programme at school and she wants to be able to join in

All the kids I knew who were banned from watching Grange Hill because it encouraged naughty behaviour, were really badly behaved.

Iloveowls2 Same. All the poor kids like that I knew went off the rails.

I also find the attitude that children "must" be in the garden in nice weather ridiculous. Your daughter spent 3 hours outside on a farm and you want her to go out again as soon as you get in? Give her a break!

I think in the past when kids TV was on for a bit in the evenings and weekend mornings restricting it would have been strict but now there are loads of channels all day plus Ipads etc it's just sensible. Obviously if kids restrict themselves it's not necessary but ime the kids who don't have limits are on screens far too much and unable to, for eg, sit and wait for a meal without asking for their parents for a phone to play on.

I've never understood the banning or restricting of things like TV, nerf guns, McDonalds etc. It creates forbidden fruit. If you want a well rounded child then a day of activities followed by slobbing front of a relaxing bit of paw patrol is the way to go IMO.

I have three DCs, 14, 12 and 5. I try to balance a bit of everything.

Maybe see if you let her watch a little bit more if she gets bored? I think under 1hr/ day it's absolutely fine, but it depends on the child if they'll keep asking for more.

A bit too strict, I think. As PP have said, there are plenty of shows which can spark their imagination to go and do something afterwards - Time for School, Mr Maker and Hey Duggee always seem to make DD want to do something more constructive afterwards as she's copying what she has just seen.

I try and weigh up what else he's done during the day - if we've been out and about a lot, done some cooking or arts etc, then what's wrong with the last 2 hours of the day being mainly in front of the TV or on the tablet?

They're children, they should be allowed to relax and chill out as well.

You might find she goes a bit crazy when restrictions are lifted, but the novelty will wear off. Plus at her age you can explain the 'need' to do different things during a day and come to an agreement over watching X before going outside and doing Y.

And see if!

Lucille I'm sure you would see the sense in.restricting McDonald's if your kids wanted if for breakfast, lunch and tea! I'm all for some juk food/TV in moderation but some kids don't restrict their own screen time at all. I know kids who flit between games consoles, Ipads, phones, TV etc all day and when they come to my house to play they don't know what to do with themselves because the TV isn't on. Despite having a large garden, tons of toys and friends to play with.

I never really restrict. I should do - my 6 yr old and one 4 yr old self restrict but the other 4 year old needs to be dug out from time to time. He tends to obsessively watch things for about 3 days then get bored and move on to something else ! I was very restricted as a child on programmes, food, clothing etc which is probably why I am a bit lax . I never went off the rails though ( do have food issues but that's another story !) So if you do restrict you are necessarily not condemning your child to a life of delinquency when they rebel !

Thank you all, I did wonder about restricting tv making her want it more (like me and wine/cake).

Some of the programmes people mention are they on normal tv ? We only have freeview and I have never heard of these programmes so might try and record some, might broaden the horizons and all that . DH is going to see if he can find Sesame Street, or can anyone recommend anything similar to that ?

I figure we will give it a month of her having it on when she asks and see where we are then.

Thank you all. It has made me think :)

I don't restrict it at all really. I don't see the point. If you do, it becomes forbidden fruit and all the more attractive. I don't allow it in the mornings or we would never get out the sodding door and I won't allow it during meals except if we are all eating off trays with takeaway. Then it's ok but all other meals they can eat at the table with the rest of us. I won't have them sitting there for hours obviously, after about an hour or two I tell DS (DD too young to protest) to go play with something else for a while and he doesn't normally whinge too much when he is cut off especially since I've never let him sit up in the evenings watching it. I refuse to have my TV permanently playing kids telly. Evenings are adult time and if I'm sick of cartoons they finish watching whatever episode is on then bugger off outside for a bit. So it isn't restricted as such but they don't get unlimited time with it and when I'm sick of it, it goes off. Only thing I've really put my foot down over is Peppa Pig. Fucking Peppa has a lot to answer for. The attitude from him when he watches it is disgusting so I've stopped him. Few tantrums at first but never mind.

OP We got rid of the TV because we were away for a month without one and no-one missed it, so just removed it when we got home.

We used to have very little regulation on it, and it would get watched a lot. The kids were hard to talk to when they were watching it, distracted, irritable, grumpy. As they're getting older they were starting to move more away from cbeebies and towards milkshake and the like with the associated adverts which we weren't keen on. We had done a lot of reading into the 'negatives' of TV and this just reinforced it.

I still wouldn't say we regulate it...it just isn't there. If they ask to watch something specific we normally say yes and set it up for them if it is an appropriate time, or suggest a better time if needs be. We also sit down together sometimes to watch a film which is nice. But it probably only goes on a couple of times a week, which shows how often they think about it.

They do have tablets and can play on them at suitable times, so we're not complete Luddites.

I meant to say that DH and I aren't big TV people anyway. I don't remember watching it growing up apart from Neighbours before dinner and X Files once a week. Oh, and top of the pops of course. But certainly not really at primary age. That was the 80ies, so maybe there wasn't as much kids programming around.

I didn't like them and us having to compete with constant background noise either, not good for developing concentration skills and I found it really stressful, so it would never just be 'on' when we had it.

We have nearly 5 year-old twins - we tend to only watch tv on demand (CBeebies on Iplayer) so they can choose a specific programme and not just mindlessly watch whatever is on. I let them choose one programme each and then we switch it off and do something else. I'm not really strict about it - if I've got something to do or if it's a rainy day and we don't have other plans then they might get 2 programmes each but not much more than that.

StarryIllusion Thu 18-Aug-16 22:07:39
I don't restrict it at all really. I don't see the point. If you do, it becomes forbidden fruit and all the more attractive. I don't allow it in the mornings or we would never get out the sodding door and I won't allow it during meals except if we are all eating off trays with takeaway. Then it's ok but all other meals they can eat at the table with the rest of us. I won't have them sitting there for hours obviously, after about an hour or two I tell DS (DD too young to protest) to go play with something else for a while and he doesn't normally whinge too much when he is cut off especially since I've never let him sit up in the evenings watching it. I refuse to have my TV permanently playing kids telly. Evenings are adult time and if I'm sick of cartoons they finish watching whatever episode is on then bugger off outside for a bit. So it isn't restricted as such but they don't get unlimited time with it and when I'm sick of it, it goes off. Only thing I've really put my foot down over is Peppa Pig. Fucking Peppa has a lot to answer for. The attitude from him when he watches it is disgusting so I've stopped him. Few tantrums at first but never mind.

I'm not sure how this is not restricting TV?

I don't buy the "forbidden fruit" argument, unless maybe OP was completely forbidding her child from ever turning on the big black rectangle. Moderation is key, but everyone has a different idea of what that means. For some it means leaving the tv on all the time but no iPad, for some it means no TV at meals, and for some it is a prescribed amount of time. Personally I think 30 minutes per day for a 5-year-old is enough, although I probably let my DC watch a bit more at that age simply because it made my life easier, which is sometimes a valid reason. But I don't think a child who is doing what OP's child is doing will benefit from unlimited TV, and I think OP is going to have a hell of a time trying to set limits again once that horse is out of the barn. It's hard to set limits on screen time, just like it's hard to set boundaries around junk food, bedtime, personal hygeine, manners, etc. But I don't buy that just because it's hard you don't do it. Our kids will be the first generation to have had access to such immersive technology at such an early age, and we have no idea what the effects of that will be.

I think you are being harsh, after an active day what's the harm? I've never restricted hugely, I believe that approach backfires in the long run. Just my opinion though.

Bums what I mean is that I don't have set tv time or a maximum screen time in a day. They can put it on when they want or ds can anyway, dd too young to know how but I do make them observe basic manners and courtesy with it in that they need to join the rest of us for dinner, not make me drag him out the door in the morning for nursery and consider that dp and I don't always want to watch 3 straight hours of bollocking ben and holly. As for the evening rule, my mum told me that when they are trying to angle for staying up late you should make it as boring as possible. So no kids telly, no toys. Eventually they give up and go down without a fight.