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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I am too old for this. Exes gf.....

64 replies

talksensetome · 16/08/2016 21:39

I have just had a phone call from my exes girlfriend. When I answered she said "My mum wants to speak to you."

I am a 30 year old woman with my own home, responsible job and 3 children. (One of which is with exp) AIBU to think I am too old to be questioned my my exes girlfriends mum!!

Ex is 28 and his new girlfriend is 17. I don't approve but it's none of my business and I keep my opinion to myself. Ex and I are civil but communication is strictly regarding DS and he doesn't come into my house, picks up and drops off at the front door. I don't ask where he takes DS when he is with him but I know they spend a lot of time at his new mils (who rang me) because DS tells me. I don't have any problem with this so long as DS is happy and he is.

So the mum of this girl wanted to question me about when I I last slept with ex, am I still sleeping with him, do I have a problem with DS going round there or with her daughter in general.

I answered her questions and she promised me an update on her daughter and my exes relationship. I politely pointed out that I am really not interested and it's none of my business but was left thinking wtf?!
So AIBU to think this is weird, inappropriate and I am too old for this shit.

OP posts:

Sparrowlegs248 · 16/08/2016 21:40

Yanbu. It is weird and inappropriate.

fastdaytears · 16/08/2016 21:42

You told her when you last slept with him? Why? I would have hung up there and then!

Can't blame her for being protective of a 17 year old I guess but I would not have gone along with that craziness.

ChampagneCommunist · 16/08/2016 21:42

Waaaay too much involvement between mother & daughter. Who the hell asks questions about someone else's (imagined) sex life?

Not your circus; not your monkeys.

maz210 · 16/08/2016 21:43

It sounds like she's trying to open an avenue of communication with you. Do you think she might be concerned about her daughter? 17 is quite young to be taking on the responsibilities that come with an older partner and a stepchild.

TheWitTank · 16/08/2016 21:43

Yanbu. I would tell your ex about the phone call, ask that he tell them to contact him with any queries about your relationship and ignore any future contact from them. Very odd!

Glittered · 16/08/2016 21:43

Yanbu but I wouldn't have answered any of her questions. They have crossed a line and I would have politely told her to never phone me again unless it was something involving ds.

MidnightAura · 16/08/2016 21:43

What the fuck?

Protective mother or not, that's just weird, inappropriate and I imagine the 17 year old was mortified!

maz210 · 16/08/2016 21:44

I assumed she asked when you last slept with your ex as she was concerned he was still in a relationship with you when he met her daughter?

I can't think of any other good reason why she'd want to know!

Original poster

talksensetome · 16/08/2016 21:46

The 17 year old was there, she asked her mum to call me.
I answered because I wanted to reassure the poor girl. I am not sleeping with him so was just honest with her. They thought he was seeing me behind her back.
I told ex about the phone call and said I don't really want to be involved in his relationships, so long as DS is happy that is as far as my interest goes.
Very bizarre!

OP posts:

Lilacpink40 · 16/08/2016 21:47

YANBU. You should have put the phone down and asked your ex to politely ensure no more calls happen.

TheWitTank · 16/08/2016 21:49

What was ex reaction when you told him? I would be so embarrassed if I were him.

Original poster

talksensetome · 16/08/2016 21:53

He didn't seem bothered really, just said that the mum had had a go at him earlier so he was expecting it. He said the mum is a psycho. She seemed reasonable to me as the mum of a teenager, a bit over invested of course and inappropriate but not psycho.

OP posts:

OSETmum · 16/08/2016 21:55

You might be to old for that kind of shit, but she's far too young for it 😟

TheWitTank · 16/08/2016 21:56

Doesn't sound like it is going to last long! Clearly the mum isn't keen and the gf can't trust him. Don't answer any more calls from them.

Original poster

talksensetome · 16/08/2016 21:59

OSET I couldn't agree more. That's why I answered their questions because I wouldn't want to think of the poor girl being in turmoil over it. I just wanted to put her mind at ease it is hard being young and in love. If I had declined to answer she may have assumed there was something to it and I don't want to hurt her. She is a child.

OP posts:

annandale · 16/08/2016 22:07

Bloody hell. It may be being hard being young and in love but tbh if they think he is shagging someone else the answer really should be 'if your daughter doesn't trust him, perhaps she should think again about whether she wants to spend her precious time with him?'

Horrifying.

SemiNormal · 16/08/2016 22:13

talksensetome - you sound like such a lovely person, I think you did the right thing in giving her reassurance, that said I don't think I would do it again or it could be a regular thing ... her bombarding you with questions regarding him, it's not healthy for any party in all of this.

5moreminutes · 16/08/2016 22:14

He thinks his girlfriend's mum is a psycho but he still takes his son there all the time...

That would be my take away from the whole thing!

It was a properly weird phone call - the whole dynamic of it, somehow even more so because the girlfriend asked her mum to call... but it only matters if your DS is in the middle of a set up where his father spends contact mainly taking him to the house of somebody he has said is a psycho Not sure what you can do about it - as you said your DS is happy... I suppose just be very alert to your DS's moods changing (indicating he is witnessing shouting and screaming at the new mil's house).

RubyFlint · 16/08/2016 22:16

What annandale said. Can't believe they called you to ask such questions. Do they think you're 17 too?! Poor you.

Original poster

talksensetome · 16/08/2016 22:18

I dont think she is a psycho at all I think he was just trying to brush off any responsibility and put it on her.

I will definitely keep an eye on DS. He always comes back full of happy tales about the gf and her mum. That was backed up by the mum saying when he goes there on the weekends they spend more time with him than ex does. Again I don't approve but I don't get to say who does what when I am not there.

I definitely won't be answering any more calls from them. I really don't want to get dragged into it. He is my ex because I didn't want to be in a relationship with him, I certainly don't want to be some kind of mentor for the new gf.

OP posts:

JenLindley · 16/08/2016 22:19

I answered because I wanted to reassure the poor girl.

You wanted to make it easier for her to stay with a 28 year old man? Why?

JenLindley · 16/08/2016 22:21

Mad that you even entertained any of it.

BestZebbie · 16/08/2016 22:22

Maybe the 17 year old has been telling her mother how reasonable and over your ex you are, and her mother didn't believe it! So the new gf eventually lost her rag a bit at being told she was being naive and got her mum to phone you, to hear it from the horses' mouth, as it were?

Ginkypig · 16/08/2016 22:24

Talk I think it was very nice of you to have reasured her this time.

but imo this should be the only time if they ever start this crap again shut them down in no uncertain terms and make it clear never again!

You've done more than is expected of you.

bettytaghetti · 16/08/2016 22:26

"I will definitely keep an eye on DS. He always comes back full of happy tales about the gf and her mum. That was backed up by the mum saying when he goes there on the weekends they spend more time with him than ex does. Again I don't approve but I don't get to say who does what when I am not there. "

Has he got a new girlfriend or a babysitter with benefits?!

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