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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I am too old for this. Exes gf.....

64 replies

talksensetome · 16/08/2016 21:39

I have just had a phone call from my exes girlfriend. When I answered she said "My mum wants to speak to you."

I am a 30 year old woman with my own home, responsible job and 3 children. (One of which is with exp) AIBU to think I am too old to be questioned my my exes girlfriends mum!!

Ex is 28 and his new girlfriend is 17. I don't approve but it's none of my business and I keep my opinion to myself. Ex and I are civil but communication is strictly regarding DS and he doesn't come into my house, picks up and drops off at the front door. I don't ask where he takes DS when he is with him but I know they spend a lot of time at his new mils (who rang me) because DS tells me. I don't have any problem with this so long as DS is happy and he is.

So the mum of this girl wanted to question me about when I I last slept with ex, am I still sleeping with him, do I have a problem with DS going round there or with her daughter in general.

I answered her questions and she promised me an update on her daughter and my exes relationship. I politely pointed out that I am really not interested and it's none of my business but was left thinking wtf?!
So AIBU to think this is weird, inappropriate and I am too old for this shit.

OP posts:

MiaowJario · 17/08/2016 22:21

Well, if your DS misses her, maybe reconsider? Always good to have more people in a child's life that love them.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 17/08/2016 22:25

I can't believe you answered those questions.

x2boys · 17/08/2016 22:28

As you said your ex daughter is your sons sister plus i,m guessing you had a far longer more stable relationship with her?

x2boys · 17/08/2016 22:29

Ex,s daughter*

Original poster

talksensetome · 17/08/2016 22:35

Yes I was in her life for 5 years living with her father and have seen her regularly since we split 2 years ago.

I just don't want DS getting dragged into some kind of breaking up drama and think if ex wants her to continue a relationship with DS he should take responsibility for it on his time. I don't have an objection to her seeing him, I am just busy and have my own stuff going on without dealing with this too.

I will let things calm down while they are away (ex and ds) and let ex deal with it when he gets back. I really don't want to be involved and don't think it is my place. If they stay split up and he gets a new girlfriend every year will I have them all taking DS to the park after school for example?

OP posts:

x2boys · 17/08/2016 22:39

I can understand why you are still in your ex,s daughters life as you have the family connection but why would a 17 yr old who has only known your son for a few months still want to be in your sons life?

IwannaSnorlax · 17/08/2016 22:47

You sound lovely Op, but I'd say no without hesitation - this girl is a stranger to you & you have no idea of her family, friends etc nor of how she is generally as a person. I'd also likely question her judgement given she got involved with a much older man & who she may then bring your DS into contact with if she meets someone else in future.

Original poster

talksensetome · 17/08/2016 22:48

Well that was my thought, I think maybe to keep the connection with ex? Maybe she genuinely is fond of DS and I am cynical but it's really nothing to do with me and if she and ex want to maintain some kind of friendship then I would rather they did it between themselves and left me out of it.

OP posts:

x2boys · 17/08/2016 22:53

Quite ,your son is only four if she had been around for yrs then fair enough but i dont think i would want my boys staying in touch with somone who has no connection to either me or their dad anymore.

Original poster

talksensetome · 17/08/2016 22:54

Dsd's mum and I are friendly and communicate with each other but that took years of Sunday lunches at the in laws etc to build up until we are at the point where I can ring her and ask is dsd wants to come for the weekend or if she is stuck for childcare she will ask me. If ex is being difficult we compare notes etc.
If is starting to feel a bit like the ex gf club if I now also have to have a relationship with this girl so she can take DS to the park.

OP posts:

x2boys · 17/08/2016 23:11

Its nice that you do have that kind of relationship with your dsd mum i wish i did with my dsd mum but your children are brother and sister and always will be so its great you get on you owe nothing however to the new ex girlfriend .

MiaowJario · 17/08/2016 23:13

I merely mentioned it in case a) your son misses her and b) is distressed if his dad does start being a bit more erratic again. It was purely to be driven by whether the DS had gotten attached to the gf, and him maybe not needing any more upheaval than necessary. If your son doesn't miss her, no need. If he misses her enough to distress him, well...

SlinkyVagabond · 18/08/2016 08:53

If they stay split up and he gets a new girlfriend every year will I have them all taking DS to the park after school for example? hey ready made babysitters!
Seriously though, I'd be taking my time answering her, you don't know her, she could be a lovely Young woman (with dodgy taste in men), but she's a stranger to you. Yes ds might think she and her mum are lovely, but he's 4, they forget pretty quick. Hopefully she'll find friends closer her own age and move on.

Kenduskeag · 18/08/2016 09:12

I''d heard of parents ringing up colleges and universities to nag about their little darlings, but this takes the cake.

She should be trying to encourage her daughter to avoid this whole scenario. If she's split up with the guy even more so - she's nothing to do with your son now.

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