To not go on this weekend

[salmonred]

PIL, 80's, take a cottage in the same place at the same time every year. SIL and BIL always go too.

We went almost annually when the DC were little but when they were Secondary age we made the decision not to miss school. PIL felt I was being tricky 'it's only a weekend' partly I think encouraged by DH.

We were told last Spring that September last year would be the last time; they weren't as mobile, it was getting too expensive and after 25 years it might be time for a change. They really wanted us all to go so DH DD & I went, DS had just started Uni so couldn't make it.

It was quite hard work, they're set in their ways and like things done 'just so'.
However I threw myself into it, taking MIL shopping, cooking for everyone, making cakes doing the general chores. TBF they appreciated my efforts and I was happy to help , I didn't really enjoy it but I knew it was the last time.

Except it isn't. They've decided to go again this year and want DH & me to join them, DD has a pre booked trip planned.

I really don't want to go, it's 3 days of precious annual leave, I don't really enjoy BIL & SIL's company and after years of going to the same place I find it dull.
DH really wants to go but he's cross that I don't. I've suggested he goes alone leaving but he thinks it'll look odd.
Sorry for the essay but AIBU to not go or should I suck it up?

Nope- don't go. They can't persuade you to go 'one last time' and then again the next year!!

DH can go without you.

DH really wants to go but he's cross that I don't. I've suggested he goes alone leaving but he thinks it'll look odd. There's your problem. Incidentally or not, what was DH doing while you were shopping, cooking, baking and entertaining?

I wouldn't.

But maybe that's why I'm single

No I agree with you .
They said it was the last time but they keep changing the goal posts .

The trip for DD sounds a good reason to give it a miss this year.

He was fishing with BIL MrsP.

I think you should sick it up - sorry. Can your DH do most of the busywork instead, as he's the one who's keen (and it is his family)? Might be more bearable if you only have to turn up.

Then he can go and do all the shopping, cooking & baking. It's hardly a nice weekend for you if you're doing all the caring work.

at "sick it up".

That would be one way of getting out of it...

Go but with don't do as much as it is your holiday too. Explain this to DH and have this conversation with PIL yourself or ask DH to talk to them before you go.

Lovely. Would you like a holiday skivying for with me? Villa for a week. I like chocolate cake and spaghetti. Thanks!

No, I wouldn't go. It's run its course and you don't need to worry about going. Just send apologies about not being able to attend but hope they enjoy their stay.

Do BIL & SIL help out as much?

Yanbu, I don't blame you. However I feel you will be guilted into going.

I would say I don't have enough leave or can't get time off work. Or go and make sure you go and get a huge present of DH

Fuck that. His parents, his problem.

Are BIL and SIL a couple or are they your husbands siblings?

Thanks for the comments.
I've been open and honest with DH and he's promised me long walks and leisurely walks but I know that I'll want to please PIL so end up doing the chores.
DH & BIL are rather selfish.

Your DH should act like a loving son and go on his own; my parents are in their late 80s and I frequently do things with them but don't expect my DH to tag along all the time - he does see them occasionally but it is not a 'holiday' for him to spend time with his ILs.

Personally I enjoy spending time alone with my parents, I am conscious that they might not have long left and I can spend some time with them without thinking it is a chore for my DH.

Noooooo don't go, you will be slave and you will be posting the same next year. DH goes alone and says you couldn't get time off work. Simples.

Don't go.
Last year was 'the last' and you went.
I don't get why men can't go places alone. And it's his parents .
You aren't joint at the hip.
Kids are grown...it's your annual leave days to spend as you wish.
If you go this year, you'll be going next year as well (yes I do have a brilliant crystal ball ).
Make other plans.

His parents place

I would go if DH wanted to because I'd be upset if he wouldn't make the effort to spend time with my parents especially if they are in their 80s. IMO you are being incredibly selfish it's only three days.

He wants you to go so they've got some one to do the skivving for them, otherwise they won't be able to go fishing.

I'm sure he'll promise anything to get you there but I bet it won't materialise.

Don't be a mug. You're daughter has a previous engagement, stick with that. He can still go without you if he really wants to.