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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that old magazines are not so important?

68 replies

Fianceechickie · 05/08/2016 09:32

A friend of mine who is extremely frugal lent me some Jamie Oliver magazines a few years ago when I was off work with extreme anxiety/stress. Yesterday she texted asking for them back saying they were a subscription gift from her mum. I am pretty sure I got rid of them months ago or even longer. Anyway I can't find them anywhere. I didn't think she would want them back or if she did would have asked sooner but can't really remember the conversation when she gave them to me...I was in a bad way at the time. I've tried fudging it a bit saying I might have given them to mum etc but judging by her texts she's annoyed and really wants them back. My DH says she's being silly over years old mags and I kind of agree but I guess different things are important to different people. Part of me thinks I should try to replace them but I've looked on eBay and people sell them for a couple of quid each plus postage so even if I could get the right ones it would cost a lot. Back issues from the publisher cost a fiver each. I could get her a new subscription I guess which would be cheaper/easier but am I worrying too much? DH can't believe I'm even considering it and should just tell her I chucked them.

OP posts:
SickInBedOnTwoChairs · 05/08/2016 09:35

Unless she specifically told you they were on loan only, I think most normal people would see them as a gift to be passed on or recycled as and when you want rid. Perhaps if she's the frugal type telling her you recycled them may appeal a bit?

LouSavage · 05/08/2016 09:36

I think honesty is the best policy. Tell her you chucked them, see what she says and go from there.

treaclesoda · 05/08/2016 09:36

I suppose it depends what she said at the time. If someone gave me a pile of magazines and said 'you have them, I'm finished with them' then I would also get rid of them once I'd read them. I would only keep them to give them back if they specifically used the word 'lend' or 'borrow'.

YelloDraw · 05/08/2016 09:37

Oh, if think something like that was clearly a loan.

Just be honest, say you've chucked then and offer a new 6 month subscription.

Hulababy · 05/08/2016 09:39

I know lots of people who keep those kind of magazines, as an addition to their cookbook library.

I would have assumed it was a loan.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 05/08/2016 09:39

It's not up to you to decide what's important to her.
You say she lent them to you, so she's right to expect them back.

FiveFullFathoms · 05/08/2016 09:39

Oh dear. I think the only thing you can do it tell her the truth and see what she says. If they were that important to her, it's odd that she waited so long to ask for them back. Did she really expect you to store back issues of magazines for years?

CalmItKermitt · 05/08/2016 09:40

Unless she specifically stipulated she wanted them back, either by telling you clearly or by using words like lend or borrow, YWNBU to just chuck them. Magazines aren't like books.

seven201 · 05/08/2016 09:42

I think you should say you can't find them and offer to trawl eBay looking for them if she wants you to. She'd be ridiculous to say yes but at least you will have offered.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 05/08/2016 09:42

The fact she's waited s few years to ask for them back is v odd. If they were that important to her, surely she would have asked for them after a few months.

I'd tell her the truth and take it from there.

MrsJayy · 05/08/2016 09:47

Its not as if they were take a break they were cooking magazines people keep those you will need to be honest with her and tell her you chucked them . I would assume she wanted them back tbh

Cocolepew · 05/08/2016 09:49

Why did she wait a few years before asking for them though? Are you a very slow reader?

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 05/08/2016 09:52

OP says she was in a bad way, so maybe friend was being considerate and didn't want to bother her in a bad time?

wobblywonderwoman · 05/08/2016 09:52

I was going to say you should have given them back until I re-read and saw 'years' ago.

Oh dear. She is being silly.

FiveFullFathoms · 05/08/2016 09:53

Having read the OP again, I think this is complicated by the fact that the OP was unwell when the magazines were initially handed over and so doesn't recall whether they were a loan or if the friend stipulated she wanted them back or what.

While it's a bit odd she's waited so long, you have technical disposed of her property you should offer to refund her in some way - a new subscription might be a nice gesture.

Original poster
Fianceechickie · 05/08/2016 09:57

Thanks All! A variety of opinions. I guess as you say people see magazines differently. I tend to chuck them even the monthlies cos they take up lots of space and you never end up using them while others are collectors. I definitely don't remember the impression that they were important to her. She's not much of a cook at all but now says she wants to take it up! I'm sure i had in my head that they were supermarket freebies. She saying they were Jamie and I can't remember to argue! She has better memory than me!! The collection would be worth a bit on eBay maybe £35 or so it seems and u can't help but wonder if she in fact wants to sell them! Anyway those who have said she is right to expect them how should I compensate her? Should I?

OP posts:
MrsJoeyMaynard · 05/08/2016 09:58

Unless specifically told otherwise, I'd assume that someone passing on old magazines - even cooking magazines - had finished with them and wouldn't want them back.

I think the only thing to do is to be honest, admit you can't find them, you've probably chucked them, and apologise. I might offer to get her a new subscription, but I don't think I'd go trawling eBay or try and get back issues from the publisher.

CalmItKermitt · 05/08/2016 09:58

Hmm on re-reading..... They were specialist mags..... and the OP says "lent" in the first line.... Oh I dunno!

Pearlman · 05/08/2016 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 05/08/2016 10:02

Why would you imagine old magazines were "clearly a loan"?? Most people just pass them on to doctors surgeries and hairdressers, don't they?
Or these days; chuck them in the recycling box...
Added to the fact that it happened years ago, I wouldn't feel the slightest twinge of guilt telling her they're long gone.

Original poster
Fianceechickie · 05/08/2016 10:02

She's waited so long she says cos she went to see her cousin last week and she cooked some Jamie recipes that were delicious and now she wants to have a go herself. She really is extremely frugal. They have lots of money precisely because everything so tightly controlled!! Maybe I should have assumed she would want them but as I say it's an incredibly hazy time in my life. I had another episode of work related anxiety 18 months ago and thought it might have been then that she gave them me but no I think it's three years ago from what she said.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 05/08/2016 10:03

I just think you should say oh you didnt say you wanted them back i think they ended up in the recycling im very sorry

AliceInHinterland · 05/08/2016 10:04

If anything I would buy her an actual cook book instead. Magazines get very tatty and are full of adverts and promotions with not too many recipes.
Apologise, say you misunderstood and get her whichever JO book is currently reduced in Smith or Sainsbury's.
It's a perfectly reasonable misunderstanding and my experience with lending even quite valuable things is that you can't always expect them back.

NancyJoan · 05/08/2016 10:04

Buy her a Jamie cookbook as an apology?

AliceInHinterland · 05/08/2016 10:05

(I would also assume magazines were not required back)