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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that old magazines are not so important?

68 replies

Fianceechickie · 05/08/2016 09:32

A friend of mine who is extremely frugal lent me some Jamie Oliver magazines a few years ago when I was off work with extreme anxiety/stress. Yesterday she texted asking for them back saying they were a subscription gift from her mum. I am pretty sure I got rid of them months ago or even longer. Anyway I can't find them anywhere. I didn't think she would want them back or if she did would have asked sooner but can't really remember the conversation when she gave them to me...I was in a bad way at the time. I've tried fudging it a bit saying I might have given them to mum etc but judging by her texts she's annoyed and really wants them back. My DH says she's being silly over years old mags and I kind of agree but I guess different things are important to different people. Part of me thinks I should try to replace them but I've looked on eBay and people sell them for a couple of quid each plus postage so even if I could get the right ones it would cost a lot. Back issues from the publisher cost a fiver each. I could get her a new subscription I guess which would be cheaper/easier but am I worrying too much? DH can't believe I'm even considering it and should just tell her I chucked them.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 05/08/2016 10:06

Three years ago! I don't think I'd actually remember being lent a couple of second hand magazines three years ago, it wouldn't be significant enough to imprint on my brain...

logosthecat · 05/08/2016 10:06

I would apologise to her humbly and profusely, and offer her a new subscription or a couple of Jamie Oliver cookbooks in recompense. (Maybe let her decide?)

Even if she does just want to sell the old magazines on, they were technically hers. I think, however, it's a bit graceless of her to make you feel bad about this: even if she is a bit pissed off inside, you don't let something as minor as a few old mags get in the way of politeness or friendship.

MrsJayy · 05/08/2016 10:08

Oh yes buy her a cookbook thats genuis 15 minute meals or something will be cheaper than the magazines

BarbaraofSeville · 05/08/2016 10:10

Won't all the Jamie Oliver recipes be on his website or elsewhere on the internet anyway?

I wouldn't expect to have to return magazines that someone gave me. You just either pass them on again or recycle them surely? I wouldn't spend a fortune rebuying them all for her unless you are quite well off and this is a trivial sum to you.

FiveFullFathoms · 05/08/2016 10:12

I like the idea of buying her a JO cookbook too! Genius Alice.

AliceInHinterland · 05/08/2016 10:16

I would only buy one and as cheap as poss though - it's just a gesture, I think getting huffy about ancient magazines is a bit ridiculous. I would consider you to have done me a favour getting rid of them!

MrsJoeyMaynard · 05/08/2016 10:16

The buying her a cookbook idea is a great one.

RB68 · 05/08/2016 10:16

If I recall the Jamie magazines were expensive per issue and more like a serialised book than a flimsy ad ridden thing. But she was unreasonable to not make clear she would want them back - its a misunderstanding and I would get a couple of books from her - any of the charity shops have loads of them usually in pristine condition as well

Laiste · 05/08/2016 10:17

I think it's odd that she lent them years ago and has only just asked for them back.

How many of them were they OP? Were they already 'vintage' when she gave them to you, or were they the most recent few months at the time IYKWIM? I mean if tomorrow someone gave 12 magazines from every month of 2010, for eg, i'd click that this was part of a collection and would be wanted back.

Personally if i thought she was going to be really upset i'd stump up the £35 and buy them back for her.

MrsHathaway · 05/08/2016 10:23

Someone passed me some magazines when I was poorly in February. I have recently recycled them.

BUT they were general women's comics IYSWIM. I think recipe magazines are more obviously a keeping thing. Still, it would have been sensible of her to say explicitly when she handed them over that she'd like them back at some point.

Have they been serialised into a book you could buy?

Floggingmolly · 05/08/2016 10:25

See, I wouldn't click that at all, Laiste. I'd still assume she was getting rid of them unless she specifically said she'd like them back.
Just because you collected something once doesn't mean it hasn't served it's purpose and is now looking for a new home?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 05/08/2016 10:25

In your very first line you say she "lent" you the magazines. This makes it clear you knew the magazines were not a gift.

That said, you were ill and it was years ago. So you would have been unreasonable to have knowingly binned the magazines but more understandable if you've mislaid them in the intervening period.

It sounds like she may have forgotten about them too.

I'd be upfront and offer to pay for replacements. Why try to fudge the issue? It was an easy mistake.

Original poster
Fianceechickie · 05/08/2016 10:27

Yeah that's a good idea about the book! Thanks! Think I definitely need to do something she's not going to let it go. I've suggested they might have been chucked and she's not reacted well... As far as she knows we're still looking!!

OP posts:
ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 05/08/2016 10:29

I wouldn't buy a book, for all you know she might have already have it.

SleepFreeZone · 05/08/2016 10:31

Just be honest and take it from there. If she is a true friend she will accept an apology and move on. Then perhaps you can buy her a subscription or JO book for Christmas.

Original poster
Fianceechickie · 05/08/2016 10:33

And the reason I'm hesitating making an expensive gesture is cos we are really hard up at the moment cos of ongoing issue with my employment status following the episodes of work related anxiety. i didn't put lend cos I remember them being a loan rather than a gift just put that cos I can't remember the spirit in which they were given. I never even looked at them only a quick leaf through one possibly so I didn't twig that they were a collection.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 05/08/2016 10:34

I don't disagree with you myself re: the value of second-hand magazines, but objectively speaking they were hers, and it was a loan, so you are probably in the wrong for chucking them without offering them back to her first.

Just tell her they're long gone, and offer to buy her a cookbook as a replacement.

StaleOreo · 05/08/2016 10:37

A friend of mine who is extremely frugal lent me some Jamie Oliver magazines

You're using the word 'lent' yourself! You didn't say 'gave'. Lent means lent, ie to be returned at some point. It doesn't matter that you think they're just pointless old magazines.

AlpacaPicnic · 05/08/2016 10:37

I think you have to front up and be honest-ish... 'I'm sorry we've looked all over for them, but they're not here. I (or scapegoat of choice, DH or MIL?) may have swept them up with the recycling. I feel so bad, can I buy you a cook book of your choice as an apology?'

QueenofallIsee · 05/08/2016 10:38

I have a set of Jamie magazines and to be honest, if she gave you like 6mths worth, they are quite like books with lots of recipes and I wouldn't expect them to be chucked, the Christmas one is actually hardbacked although it was part of the series.

The fact it was donkeys years ago is flaming ridiculous though, if they were that important then she should have asked for them back before!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 05/08/2016 10:40

They were important to her, it's not for your DH to shrug and just dismiss them. It does seem a long time after the original hand-over to come looking -of course you didn't chuck them maliciously (in my house mags get passed on or recycled, often before I've had a chance to read through). Be honest say you have looked but can't find them and unfortunately they have gone.

Maybe buy her a JO cookbook? Not all the features in the magazines will be covered in one edition but it shows remorse.

Though if her mum has passed on it might be more the subscription side of it and nice memory more than the actual magazines.

notamummy10 · 05/08/2016 10:42

Be honest with her and tell you've chucked them away, your first line clearly states she lent them you when you were ill... I thought you were going to say those weekly celebrity magazines, then I would understand (who wants to read celebrity gossip 3 years later) but cookery magazines are specialists and don't go out of date!

As someone has already suggested, how about offering to pay for a 6 month subscription for the magazine?

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 05/08/2016 10:45

God, no, don't buy her a cookbook.

Tell her you put them in the recycling, like a normal person.

Honestly, I would be quite irritated by her rudeness - it's years later, and she gave you these to read while you were ill. I would think very little of someone who expected a magazine back when it had been lent to an ill friend, especially this much later.

Pearlman · 05/08/2016 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Judydreamsofhorses · 05/08/2016 10:54

I would have chucked them, but my friends and I would only expect hard backed books to be returned - paperbacks get passed on (to someone else or charity shop) and magazines would be recycled. I'd be honest and say I hadn't realised she wanted them back, very sorry, then try and come up with a solution from there.

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