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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just leave him to cry

77 replies

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 01/08/2016 11:43

I know AIBU
I've been trying to get my 6 month old DS down for a very needed nap for 70 minutes. He is still crying. He is fed, in a comfortable cot and has a clean nappy.
WIBU to leave him to cry. He has occasionally self settled so can do it.
I just can't take the screaming anymore.

OP posts:
Purplebluebird · 01/08/2016 11:46

Yabu. he has a basic need for something, he needs you. Don't neglect him, have a read about the harmful effects CIO can have on a child's future mental health before you decide anything.

EeksyPeeksy · 01/08/2016 11:47

Fwiw my DD cut out her morning nap around this age.

Why not just bring him back down and let him guide you in his naps. He'll sleep when he needs it.

I was never rigid with naps apart from no sleeping after 4 from about 1 as she then wouldn't settle at night.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 01/08/2016 11:48

You sound on edge and frayed. It's awful when they just won't stop, I think most people have been there Brew Cake

Walk away and leave him for a few minutes if you're at breaking point and he's in a safe place. Do some deep breathing and remember this will pass and it honestly won't go on forever.

Then back to DS... Is he crying for you? To be held and cuddled? Will he settle if you have a lie down with him or relax cuddling him in a comfy chair?

Mummaaaaaah · 01/08/2016 11:51

Does DS usually self settle? If not how do you get him to sleep?

TheViewFromTheSheepSeats · 01/08/2016 11:52

My DD does this....I find picking her up with a "no sleep for DD then" (cheerfully) and walking around the house holding her, looking in mirrors ect will distract her and soon afterwards she will happily feed and then fall asleep (being held)

memememum · 01/08/2016 11:53

I'm sorry you are having a hard time, this is a really tough time. This charity offers some ideas and a helpline. www.cry-sis.org.uk

Here are some of their ideas for when everything else has been tried. Good luck.

"Still crying?

Put baby down in a safe place, walk out of the room and shut the door, take a short break
Give baby to a trusted friend or family member for a few hours if possible
Use any time away from baby to look after yourself
Eat well and unwind
Go out with baby
Phone your GP, Health Visitor, NHS Direct, The Cry-sis Helpline, friend or relative"

witsender · 01/08/2016 11:54

Maybe he doesn't want a nap?

LifeInJeneral · 01/08/2016 11:55

Have you tried white noise? It always calms my 6 month old DS and helps him sleep/nap. Maybe he just needs a bit more attention first, perhaps cuddling him and reading him a story to distract him then trying him again. My DS was having a morning like this last week, I was crying myself sat on the floor just desperate for him to sleep. Turns out he just needed a big, fat far and pretty much instantly fell asleep...

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/08/2016 11:55

Oh give over Purple Hmm

Leave him for 5 minutes. If he hasn't settled go back and get him up, do something else with him for 10 minutes and then try again.

It's so hard when you know they're desperately tired but won't nap!

Offyougo · 01/08/2016 11:55

YABU to let him cry because you have decided you need a break he needs a nap. He will sleep when he's tired.

LeonoraFlorence · 01/08/2016 11:57

I think I'd give up on the nap OP and strap him in his pram and go out for some fresh air. Perhaps pick up a coffee and cake for yourself on the way. If he really is tired enough he may fall asleep en route. Good luck!

LifeInJeneral · 01/08/2016 11:58

Offyougo I think OP means baby is overtired and cranky but not going to sleep rather than her just needing a break. Trust me, this is horrible watching your baby cry but knowing you can't help them because they just need sleep. They get so worked up

DixieNormas · 01/08/2016 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kalispera · 01/08/2016 11:59

Off that's unfair.

heatherwithapee · 01/08/2016 12:01

DS often got overtired like this. No YANBU to let him cry sometimes for a short while.

However, if he's been upset for this long, he's probably too worked up for it to help today.
If going out in the pram is an option, I'd do that, especially if he's your only child. You'll get some head space and he'll probably fall asleep.

Failing that, get him out of the cot and do something else for half an hour or so then try again.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 01/08/2016 12:01

If you need to walk away then put him in a safe place and do that. He will be ok. Have a drink of water and take a deep breath. Babies are hard work some days so don't feel bad.

Any chance he's getting a tooth? Do you have anything you could give him for that? Often with my LO this was the case when he couldn't nap. Of course he might just want to be held/distracted. Is a stroll in the pram out of the question?

Imknackeredzzz · 01/08/2016 12:01

I had to battle this morning for 40 mins to get my little one to sleep- he then slept for 2 hours 40 mins so clearly needed it. Not all babies go to sleep easily when there tired for gods sake!

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 01/08/2016 12:03

DD dropped to one nap at this age. Have a cup of tea, give him a big cuddle, then give him an early lunch and take him out in the pram, car, sling, whatever is easiest.
It's such a hard stage, sleep is a fucker.
Good luck OP

Laylajoh · 01/08/2016 12:03

I'd say he needs something, with that something being some attention for a while. Maybe you could try being there with him for a while, see how he responds to your contact.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 01/08/2016 12:05

Take the baby out, he can sleep in the buggy and you can do some shopping, get coffee or whatever you like.

I am fine with letting babies cry if you believe they will fall asleep. But sometimes they just don't, overtired, overstimulated, who knows... DD(2yo) does this once a week on average and refuses to nap, cries, even though she looks clearly tired. Then when in the living room she lies on the couch and wants to play pretend-nap Confused

MiscellaneousAssortment · 01/08/2016 12:06

Do you want to move this thread? You will get the knee jerk non empathy shouters on here.

Cry it out is very contentious. Also, leaving a baby in distress when they need a grown up to comfort their fears and tend to their emotional needs is obviously awful. But is that what's happening here?

A baby needs their mummy to be ok herself as well. Like that old adage of the 'oxygen masks on first then put the child's on after' ...

incywincybitofa · 01/08/2016 12:06

I would second trying him again when he is calm, when he has self settled before it probably was when he wasn't so worked up.

Is taking him for a walk a possibility.

I know people get upset about CC and CIO but ultimately what a child really needs in that moment is their parent to be in the best space for them. Sometimes what is ideal isn't what some of us might think is idea if that makes sense.
Our babies cries are designed to grab our attention and get us to try and make the crying stop.
Sometimes we just can't find a solution and that is when the crying can become unbearable to be heard
Memememum gives some good tips for it to become bearable again.

GeorgeTheThird · 01/08/2016 12:07

IME they cry when they're tired. Mine used to fall asleep mid yell. I'd put him down and see what happens.

Itsseweasy · 01/08/2016 12:08

I had a couple of occasions like this with my daughter but it was quite rare that it would continue that long so I knew there must have been an underlying reason.
I remember wondering if it was teething so I have her Calpol feeling incredibly guilty but she did actually calm down so I was really happy I had. Imagine being in pain and not being to ask for help!
Please don't just leave him to cry, he needs you. Can you take him out in car or pushchair? 9 times out of 10 it does the trick! Hugs.

coconutpie · 01/08/2016 12:15

YABU. He's a baby, not a robot. Just because he's been fed, has a clean nappy and a comfortable cot, doesn't mean that he should be totally happy. He has emotional needs as well and clearly just wants snuggles and to be close to his mum. Babies are also way too young to "self-soothe". They just stop crying because they know there's no point because they are just being ignored. Like someone else suggested, read up on the dangers of CIO. Comfort your baby and just try again later. There is so much going on mentally and physically regards development at that age - check out the wonder weeks app. It will give you some guidance. And I've been there by the way with spending so long trying for a nap, it does get easier.