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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just leave him to cry

77 replies

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 01/08/2016 11:43

I know AIBU
I've been trying to get my 6 month old DS down for a very needed nap for 70 minutes. He is still crying. He is fed, in a comfortable cot and has a clean nappy.
WIBU to leave him to cry. He has occasionally self settled so can do it.
I just can't take the screaming anymore.

OP posts:

mouldycheesefan · 01/08/2016 12:17

If you are at the end of your tether, go and sit in the garden with a cup of tea for 15 minutes. No harm will come to him crying in his cot for 15 mins.

f1ddlesticks · 01/08/2016 12:18

Thinking back to when DD was this age, and I knew she was really tired but couldn't calm down to go to sleep I'd lie her in her cot and sort of hold / cuddle her closely while she was lying down and "ssshhhhh" really loudly repeatedly by her head whilst stroking her head. Sort of drowning out the crying ( but not enough to hurt her ears obvs) - worked better than separate white noise and she had me super close. She'd drop off after a bit - really calmed her down without getting her back up.

DixieNormas · 01/08/2016 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jobrum · 01/08/2016 12:25

What others have said. At that age my dd needed three naps but they varied from day to day. If he doesn't want to sleep or needs holding or is teething etc it's unfair to let him cry, unless its one of those whinges that happen for ten minutes before they do drop off. If its proper crying its because he needs something.

However, there is nothing wrong with stepping away for a few minutes if you need to. Because sometimes what they do need is a mystery! Breathe in some fresh air, count to ten and go back to him and start again.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 01/08/2016 12:28

IME they cry when they're tired. Mine used to fall asleep mid yell. I'd put him down and see what happens.

Yes!

I learned the hard way, with DTs: when they were around 4mo, I was trying to rock DT1 to sleep, DT2 would cry, I went to DT2, DT1 would cry... I decided to wait until one was fully asleep before switching to the other one. So, rocked DT1 while DT2 screamed - less than 5min - when I was done, DT2 had fallen asleep.
From this day I stopped rocking/cuddling them to sleep. I would put them in bed and "ignore" the crying for 5min. Most of the time they were asleep after that. Obviously when I say ignore, I would still listen and notice any noise out of the ordinary.

Original poster

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 01/08/2016 12:30

Right, I left him for 10 minutes. He's clearly knackered but now destroying his play gym (after a cuddle).
I'm sobbing on the sofa trying to calm down.

OP posts:

RepentAtLeisure · 01/08/2016 12:35

Yabu. he has a basic need for something, he needs you.

Christ. What about HER basic need to not have someone screaming in her ear for ages?

You know he doesn't need anything. Put him down, shut the door and take a break.

LouSavage · 01/08/2016 12:36

Lurky don't cry. It feels overwhelming and shit now, I know. Let him trash his gym, take a moment to calm down. Then maybe try a story or a walk in the fresh air. Just something different to remove you both from this nap time tension. Then try again.
We've all been there, I know exactly how you're feeling.

Goingtobeawesome · 01/08/2016 12:36

Rather than leave him for ages why not try after a few minutes, cuddle and walk round the garden then try again after ten minutes. Change of scenery, they forget they don't want to sleep then go off for a nap..

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 01/08/2016 12:37

My sympathies OP
If there's nothing wrong then leaving them in their bed for ten minutes while you have a bit of a break won't do any harm. If you don't like the idea of doing that, take them out for a walk - mine would be asleep before I'd walked around the block. Or lie down with them and have a nap yourself. I used to sing mine to sleep.

EsmeraldaEllaBella · 01/08/2016 12:39

I agree with purple

70 mins is very specific. Are you following a routine? Perhaps let go of this and look for his tired signs, babies change so quickly.

Try reading Sarah ockwell smith gentle sleep book, very helpful for me.

Do take care of yourself too. Have you got any one to help you? Can someone take the baby for you to have a little break? Do be kind to yourself. Have a sofa day and just enjoy cuddling your baby if you can

Thequilltosurvive · 01/08/2016 12:41

Put him in the pram and drag yourself round the block for a stroll, he'll probably drop off and the fresh air will make you feel better. I remember the frustration of having a nap fighter but if he gets tired enough, he'll sleep. Try not to stress about it but don't leave him bawling on his own. You'll just feel shit and he needs his Mummy. Going into another room to scream into a pillow for 30 seconds is totally acceptable, however.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 01/08/2016 12:41

Don't cry, no need, he's fine! As long as he's in a safe place, where he can't hurt himself, you're doing great. We really have all been there! We have all beat ourselves up, all felt like we are failures and the worst mum ever - I've just been reading the thread where the OP felt she was a rubbish mum first time round. We're not! We are all just doing our best, learning by experience and listening - and sifting advice we are given. Give yourself some credit and a break!

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 01/08/2016 12:41

Both my babies had a growth spurt around 6 months and also dropped from 3 to 2 naps around this time too.

Would he nap in the pram/buggy if you felt up to going for a walk?

SleepFreeZone · 01/08/2016 12:42

I bought a sling for just this sort of time with DS1. I popped him in and went for a walk and he was asleep in minutes.

Bear2014 · 01/08/2016 12:43

At that age, if we got to the over-tired screamy phase, a buggy walk or breastfeed to sleep was the only thing that would work. Mine never self settled until much older.

It's so hard! Hugs to you OP.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 01/08/2016 12:45

Personally, I'm a big, big fan of white noise apps (still use them now, to get myself to sleep). Also 'pink' noise works for babies - I've never listened to brown as I've heard it can have unusual consequences (fine when you're a baby wearing a nappy, not so great when you're an adult and not...)

krustofskypud · 01/08/2016 12:45

I just started a thread on this exact thing OP. My DS is 5 months. Sympathies. It's so shit isn't it.

Am currently rocking ds in pram (in the house) as he just won't settle even though he is knackered

mrsreddington · 01/08/2016 12:46

I have left all my children crying in their cots one time or another. Only after they'd been fed, changed, cuddled, rocked, sang to etc. When you're sleep deprived listening to a screaming baby who won't be comforted can drive you right to the edge. The safest thing you can do is leave them somewhere safe and walk away. Don't feel guilty about it-you need to look after yourself as well

krustofskypud · 01/08/2016 12:48

He will sleep when he's tired.

What a load of utter bollocks. Tell that to my DS who was wide eyed and delirious with exhaustion at 3am today having been awake for 4 hours.

LaContessaDiPlump · 01/08/2016 12:49

Mine needed to be left alone to sleep op. Don't worry about it.

it is horrible though!

daftbesom · 01/08/2016 12:54

My DS1 resisted going into his cot in the afternoon from an early age. Buggy usually did the trick and eventually became the default - was a pain in lots of ways but it did get us both out of the house. (As long as you can get him back indoors again without waking him up!)

Katastrophe13 · 01/08/2016 12:55

He might be overtired by now which makes it even harder for them to sleep. I reckon a walk in the buggy or drive in the car and he'll be off.

Simpsonsaddict · 01/08/2016 12:58

When he was crying for those 70, was he on his own the whole time? I used cry it out when I was at my wits end, but I was going in every five mins to reassure her I was here (they were some of the longest five mins in my life). She was a little older - 6 months might be a littl young, maybe, although you know him best. Finally - if cry it out is for you, try and get some moral support, it was easier when I wasn't on my own. You're doing a great job, don't feel guilty x

Original poster

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 01/08/2016 12:59

Esmerelda no set routine, sleep cues mainly, with feeding to sleep. 70 minutes was on/off boob and rocking which used to work.
He doesn't sleep in the buggy/car/sling anymore, even with a snooze shade that used to work.
White noise has been useful for blocking out the background noise but doesn't help with sleep.
It's always been an issue, and has improved from the worse point, between 9 and 15 weeks he woke every 45 mins.

OP posts:

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