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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just leave him to cry

77 replies

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 01/08/2016 11:43

I know AIBU
I've been trying to get my 6 month old DS down for a very needed nap for 70 minutes. He is still crying. He is fed, in a comfortable cot and has a clean nappy.
WIBU to leave him to cry. He has occasionally self settled so can do it.
I just can't take the screaming anymore.

OP posts:

krustofskypud · 01/08/2016 13:00

Op seriously your DS sounds exactly like mine

DixieNormas · 01/08/2016 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 01/08/2016 13:02

I'm sure I read somewhere CC was ineffective until 9 months. You have my sympathy op-be kind to yourself.

Original poster

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 01/08/2016 13:03

*worst

OP posts:

Philoslothy · 01/08/2016 13:03

Can you get into bed with him and watch something trashy on TV/iPad. Use it as an excuse to relax

Dizzydodo · 01/08/2016 13:09

When DD used to do this I would often just go out, even if you think he won't sleep in the pushchair the outside noise is a distraction from the crying (for you!) and a change of scenery might distract him.

TheEagle · 01/08/2016 13:10

Maybe get him up for a while, give him his lunch/dinner, and try again later?

My DTs were abominable for naps around the 6 month mark, 1 in particular. I'd already driven myself half mad with DS1 and naps so I swore I wouldn't do the same with DTs. If they weren't asleep after 30 mins of trying to get them down, or if they woke early from a nap, I'd just get them up and try again later.

Small babies are tricky. Naps are my nemesis but I'm now in the promised land where DTs have 1 long nap a day and it's heavenly. DS1 no longer naps (and hasn't since about 21 months) and it gives some perspective to the days when I was crazed about him not wanting to nap.

This too shall pass OP. Go for a walk if you can and maybe get a nice slice of cake

ceebie · 01/08/2016 13:10

This won't help your current situation but I would think about breaking the food-sleep link while he's still young. When they're younger milk settles them but as they get older it just gives them more energy? Also being able to settle without a feed is a great skill and very helpful for them to be able to re-settle themselves after waking in the night. We timed feeds for after naps, although it's been a while...

Pearlman · 01/08/2016 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanGenie23 · 01/08/2016 13:16

My dd who was always an OK sleeper changed at this age.
Hahaha to the comment they sleep when they are tired if that was true no parent would ever have any issues would they?!

I have let me child self settle. At first there was lots of tears now there are none. It worked for us but it wouldn't work for everyone.

I would have a cuddle on the sofa until child relaxes and then put them down again.

Bear2014 · 01/08/2016 13:16

ceebie - I would disagree with that, I fed my DD down for every single nap that she had in her cot until she was 22 months. After weaning she settled like a dream in her cot for naps regardless, so no problem there. The problem came when moving to toddler bed, which has been a solid 6 months of hell so far!

Babyzoo · 01/08/2016 13:18

Op ignore all the bitchy comments.

Babies don't always sleep when they're tired, my ds2 could stay awake for hours just crying and grizzling. It's so exhausting and you're only human, you need to eat, drink, shower, go to the toilet and sleep yourself.

In my opinion if you're at the end of your tether you put them somewhere safe, close the door and take 10 minutes. He might go to sleep and if not you'll go back in anyway but you'll have had a breather.

I did anything to get some sleep when ds was a baby including getting into bed with him and going to sleep. Sometimes it's easier just to give up on the nap even when you know they need one and get out in the fresh air.

Don't cry, this time will pass

ceebie · 01/08/2016 13:19

Bear2014 that's great for you, but not all babies are the same.

Mummyme1987 · 01/08/2016 13:25

I used the natures nest hammock to help with sleep. It worked a treat.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 01/08/2016 13:25

I agree with PP - there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding to sleep.

OP, you mentioned he's on and off the boob. This makes me think of teething again. My DS used to get really worked up because he wanted a good feed but his mouth just hurt too much. Have you had a feel around in there?

All these suggestions are probably really annoying. I hope you're feeling better after a good cry.

MammouthTask · 01/08/2016 13:28

Lurky at that age dc2 wouldn't have settled on his own if overtired. Quite the opposite. The only thing that worked for him was a ride in the car where he would sleep for whatever length the car ride was for.
I used to driving for about 45mins before taking him our of the car seat and settle him back in his cot (And yes he would automatically wake up the second I switched the engine off)

I appreciate that he won't settled as easily in the car now but the idea really was that, when overtired, he uldn't sleep at all so a small nap would often be enough to wipe the exhaustion and allow him to sleep.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 01/08/2016 13:31

It's an awful stage. I tried the CIO approach; left us both stressed and upset. You will have better days, I promise. I miss nap time; just that little bit of re-charging your batteries and chilling out. One morning, not too far in the distant future, you will wake up and think 'Crikey! Did I just have a full night's sleep?!'. Agree that a buggy walk is a great way to settle them, but unfortunately means you have to march around town while dead on your feet ( though sometimes that bit of fresh air and exercise wakes you up). Don't want to bang on about apps if you haven't found them useful, but pink noise and the 'ocean sounds' often settled DS. All babies at this stage differ slightly; all I can offer is it will get better!

Bear2014 · 01/08/2016 13:32

ceebie Definitely all babies are different. But I'm glad I didn't listen to people who told me I must stop feeding to sleep as it gave me nearly 2 years of a super-valuable tool that saved the whole family's sanity on a regular basis.

ceebie · 01/08/2016 14:20

Bear, nobody's telling anybody that they MUST do something. People are making a range of suggestions, that's all. My post said "I would think about..." The OP might not want to think about it all all, if she doesn't want to! It's perfectly acceptable for people to do things different ways, yourself included. I'm pleased your way worked out well for you.

Bear2014 · 01/08/2016 14:23

Oh absolutely! Sorry if you felt singled out.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/08/2016 14:23

Personally I'd pick him up and forget about the nap for now. If he's grumpy, take him out in buggy for a nap.

I never enforced naps and didn't like them screaming - just as long as he gets the chance to nap somewhere latee.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 01/08/2016 14:27

Pearlman I absolutely agree. I'd never even be able to go to the toilet if I didn't let DD cry occasionally. I've found hairdryer noise and a Ewan the sheep invaluable.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 01/08/2016 14:29

Should've said "I'll just add" before the hairdryer noise/Ewan comment. I don't sit on the toilet cuddling Ewan whilst listening to a hairdryer

CommaStop · 01/08/2016 15:03

Poor OP. A strung out overtired baby resisting sleep is nightmarish. Especially when one is so often exhausted oneself in the situation. I never did full on cio but at six months did limited controlled crying (3 minutes, reassure, 5 minutes reassure, 7 minutes reassure, never went further than about three rounds which either worked or wasn't going to work). This both helped my baby sleep and saved my sanity which contrary to the view of some mumsnetters is of some importance. Only in the land of fantasy do tired babies always just go to sleep. Just FYI, re the posters telling you that research shows letting your baby cry at all will cause brain damage/lifelong stress - the study most often cited in relation to this is very flawed - no control group, conducted in a lab not babies' homes which would automatically increase stress levels and it was comlete cry it out rather than any kind of controlled crying so no reassurance, comfort etc. Do what's right for you and your baby within reason and pay no attention to those whp make out that you're an ogre if you need to step away from your baby at any time. Also very much agree with the put baby in car/carrier/pram and get out of the house advice - when you're both frazzled this is often the best option.

coconutpie · 01/08/2016 19:59

Breastfeeding to sleep is normal. OP, don't listen to people who try to tell you to stop feeding to sleep. For example, at night, breastmilk has sleep-inducing hormones in it.

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