To think there is no fucking justice

[ILikeMagnumzzz]

Just being doing some Facebook stalking browsing and checked out the profile of the most horrible boy at my school. He was universally nasty and a bully, but especially so to me and one of my friends. He took the piss out of me when I spoke in lessons, making me afraid to contribute and affecting my confidence for years, and he also regularly made me feel really uncomfortable (once wrote me a note age 16 ish that was aggressively sexual and intimidating, which I was too embarrassed and ashamed to show anyone). Not a nice person at all.

Well fuck me, he's there living in some sweet looking US village (possibly upstate NY/New England) a beautiful, homely-looking wife, two sweet looking kids and a lovely house with a pool. He seems a mature, decent family guy - absolutely niceness personified. Appears to have a good job in finance and lots of friends posting thanking him for last night's dinner party, wishing his daughter a happy first day at preschool etc. Basically living the middle class dream!

I rather hoped - expected even - that he had got fat and stuck in a dead end job in Croydon.

There is no justice.

There isn't.

The awful "popular" girls I went to school with are all now living glamorous lived with professional sportsman partners.

I do now what I did then, take comfort from the fact I am vastly more intelligent than they are.

I'm sorry that you had such a hard time at school and what he did was horrible.

But it sounds like he's grown up and you haven't.

Lots of people are a bit shit as teenagers but then mature and go on to be decent adults.
It could also be the case that he abuses his wife, is an alcoholic and hates his job.

But really, who cares? Why stalk him on the internet? How does what he does now have any bearing at all on your life?

There was a spectacularly nasty girl at my school. I've never met anyone quite as unpleasant. She ended up working as a PA for a major Hollywood actor. There really is no justice. That said, I'd rather be me. I'm nice.

He might be about to get Trump as president of the country he lives in. That'll suck.

There was a girl who bullied me horribly at school and even afterwards till we were in our twenties (she'd shout abuse at me rather than being physical) I don't know what I'd ever done to her. My brother was friends with her brother, they were a really nice family.

She died a few years ago after years of drug abuse, there was obviously something much deeper going on. I was so upset for her family, especially her brother who I'd got to know better since my brother had died. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, it was devastating.

Another of my bullies came up and apologised when she was drunk for being a bitch at school and told me to punch her. I declined and thanked her for realising she was a bully.

The rest of them (there was a big gang that used to cause me hassle whenever I went out) I don't give a second thought to, though I hope they've grown up and are not still bullies.

I feel that way too at times. Our class bully is now a well respected playwright - I have stopped looking up on FB anyone who made me feel bad in the past! However, lots of people present a rosy image of happiness to the world when in reality their lives are falling apart. I have known several people like this - from social media you would think they really had it all, then a few months later I find out their personal lives are a complete car crash. Things aren't always what they seem.

I was (fortunately briefly) at school with a really horrible guy. Nasty, would fat-shame the girls and was a total racist.
He came up as a person I might know on Facebook and I had a look. His wife is large and he looks absolutely besotted with her. They have adopted a child of a different ethnic background and he does sports coaching for under privileged children from that background.
And I am genuinely happy that someone could develop from a nasty shit to a human who is a force for good in the world. Gave me hope.

The boy who gave me utter grief when I didn't even know his name at the time, knows my husband!

The first time I encountered him with dh I walked away and told dh later what I had gone through. Dh has kept him at arms length as they do have to have involvement with each other. But this vile creature is getting annoyed because dh won't accept his friend request on fb. No one who knows why will tell him who I am as he doesn't remember.

Every other bully is blocked on fb to keep myself from tormenting myself.

Don't be so bitter

Thing is intelligent, savvy, go-getting types can have a shitty personality as teenagers. Ambitious people often step on people on their way up, it often goes hand in hand with doing well and making money. Who knows if he is really happy and is a good father and husband. Only his wife and children will be able to tell you that. You will only ever see a shiny facade on social media so the best you can do is ensure you have a good life yourself and try not to let the past affect you unnecessarily.

But really, who cares? Why stalk him on the internet? How does what he does now have any bearing at all on your life?

This. You have no idea what's really going on in his life. You should concentrate on your own life and let it go.

I remember teasing a girl at school - I genuinely didn't mean to bully her, I thought we were joking around. Our PE teacher tore a strip off my friends and I and made us see that while we thought we had been joking we'd actually been bullying and making her already low self-confidence worse. I think about that and still hate it so much more than I ever think of any of the times when I was bullied. Maybe he learnt to not be a prick, maybe he didn't but try to just be pleased that you are you and not worry about twats.

Not everything is always as wonderful as it appears on FB.

He might still be an absolute cunt. He might be much less successful than he wants people to know. He, and his wife, might actually be miserable and in mountains of debt.

Or he might have grown up, developed into a decent human being & done well for himself.

There's just no way of knowing what's actually true on FB!

I'm sure it was on Friends, there was a scene where a girl was going to tell off her bully from school days, later her friends asked why she hadn't and she said 'she's turned nice' I refused to watch it ever again - bullies never 'turn nice' they are always nasty shits.

I was at school with the most horrible lad ever - he was really really vicious and physically abusive to pretty much everyone. Last year I was chatting to someone at a wedding who, when hearing which school I went to said 'oh you must know X - he's married to my best friend'. Apparently he is a wonderful husband & father - I have my doubts that someone can change their personality that much.

She ended up working as a PA for a major Hollywood actor. There really is no justice.

From what I've heard about doing that job there may be a lot more justice than you realise....

He might even be going to vote for Trump! There's karma for you.
It's a long time since I was at school and there's a big reunion coming up all organised on a FB group. Omg the gushing "oh how are you, will you be there?" from the Mean Girls was gobsmacking and ended up in a flurry of pms between their favoured victims.(me included).

He prob has a minuscule cock

Maybe he's changed - or maybe he still feels bad about being such a dick at school. You might as well assume so, for the sake of your sanity.

I know what you mean though - it's not fair!

I refused to watch it ever again bit dramatic

But it sounds like he's grown up and you haven't. - that's a bit harsh to be fair. Bullying can have long lasting psychological effects on a person, does not mean they haven't 'grown up' at all! I know someone who is 34yrs old and the impact of bullying has caused some very, very nasty psychological problems.

Don't be so bitter - You make it sound like the OP is being petty, let's not forget that some young people actually kill themselves over bullying, please don't down play bullying.

Yeah, ideally he would end up a piss-soaked alcoholic. But life is not fair. Often popular kids become popular adults. Think about it- if all your life you have been able to get exactly what/who you want, you will have a confidence that other people might not have. Someone who has been bullied at school might not have the confidence to go for top jobs etc.

I can definitely understand that you still feel hung up about it. People who say get over it were probably never bullied at school. It can do a huge amount of damage. But you should try to free yourself of having to compete with your bullies. Tell yourself that you have nothing to do with him anymore and can instead focus on your own life.

Plus as others have said, facebook is a snapshot and an idealised snapshot at that. Three years down the line he could be divorced, he might get ill, he might lose his job. Nobody knows what life has in store but no good comes of comparing yourself to others.

I'm not sure about the factual basis of the statement that bullies never turn nice. A lot of troubled children can take out their anger and frustration through bullying, doesn't mean they are evil people who cannot change. People grow and change all the time. Admittedly some don't.

Well I wasn't bullied at school. I have had some adult bullying though. Someone who I thought was a friend spread some very hurtful gossip which caused deep trauma. Of course I lost touch with her. I imagined she'd carry on her perfect Queen Bee life. I railed and gnashed my teeth. Then this year for some reason I googled the family. This woman had died. What a waste of time and energy I spent hating her. I felt terrible when I thought of her children. There is no justice. Just move on, forgive if you can and live a good life.

My bully lives in the same town. She's the one who gave me the name 'big mamma' and told everyone I was pregnant with twins and then cut a chunk of my hair out the back in our form lesson. She did however apologise ten odd years later but it did a lot of damage at the time.