To think there is no fucking justice

[ILikeMagnumzzz]

Just being doing some Facebook stalking browsing and checked out the profile of the most horrible boy at my school. He was universally nasty and a bully, but especially so to me and one of my friends. He took the piss out of me when I spoke in lessons, making me afraid to contribute and affecting my confidence for years, and he also regularly made me feel really uncomfortable (once wrote me a note age 16 ish that was aggressively sexual and intimidating, which I was too embarrassed and ashamed to show anyone). Not a nice person at all.

Well fuck me, he's there living in some sweet looking US village (possibly upstate NY/New England) a beautiful, homely-looking wife, two sweet looking kids and a lovely house with a pool. He seems a mature, decent family guy - absolutely niceness personified. Appears to have a good job in finance and lots of friends posting thanking him for last night's dinner party, wishing his daughter a happy first day at preschool etc. Basically living the middle class dream!

I rather hoped - expected even - that he had got fat and stuck in a dead end job in Croydon.

There is no justice.

One thing to consider OP, is that anyone can look perfect on FB.

You don't know how he is with his wife and children behind closed doors...

i've never met a twisted person that i thought was really happy. It's impossible for them because in any situation they're always trying to figure out who and what to manipulate/bully to maximise their return, they can't just be. Don't sweat it. I'm not sure I believe in karma, but I do believe that twisted nasty people have to live with themselves.

OP, feel sorry for him.

There has to be a seriously deep underlying mental issue for a person to systematically bully another person for a year or more.
The odd hurtful comment - I can understand (I'm sure we've all been guilty of that when younger)

I don't believe that youth is an excuse.
I know people who grew up in poverty and suffered loss when they were young and they didn't end up bullying or hurting animals (I believe if a person is capable of one, then they're capable of the other).
Yes, we've all done silly things as 15/16 year olds, but as I said, to be capable of relentlessly bullying someone for an extended period of time? That's not normal and I don't believe you really grow out of that mentality.
The fact the bully has matured, purely means they have become very skilled at hiding it. But the nasty streak will still be there.
Ingrained in their personality no doubt.

Your best revenge is to live your life well.

A girl I went to school with was an absolute shit to me for such a long time during High School. We went our separate ways when I went to senior schools and I completely forgot her til about a year ago when she sent me a friend request on Facebook.

I was polite and worded it nicely, but pointed out that someone who'd been so desperately unkind to me as a teen couldn't possibly have grown into the kind of adult I'd like to spend time or energy on. It felt quite nice, telling her that she'd been a total bollock. I doubt it changed her at all, but bullying is such an awful, soul-destroying thing to go through; why should they automatically be forgiven? At 16 I knew right from wrong and tried never to shit on people. Those that did knew exactly what they were doing. And don't deserve kindness from those they picked on. If that makes me bitter that I'm ok with that.

OP I was really badly bullied by a group of teens at school. We are all now 50 and recently I saw all of them at a reunion.

No1 bully and I had a long chat over a glass of wine....not about he bullying because annoyingly she didn't even remember me. She moved as soon as she left school to another county with a boyfriend and when I said "that was a big decision at 16" she told me that the alternative was worse. Turned out her home life was hell at that age and one of her brothers had murdered someone so there was all kinds of nightmares going on.

Not excusing her bullying one bit and the lifetime effects are not good but looking back it makes more sense.

And...this is a big one....I am okay with my life mostly. It isn't always easy but it's okay.

Don't let this get you down...just look at a man who has grown up finally. And then hope and pray his own daughter doesn't experience the bullying which you did.

Eurgh I feel your pain OP. If only, so much for karma!

Although the girl that bullied me the most has a very ugly unpleasant looking face so I am taking great comfort in that. She had the cheek to Friend Request me on FB ... I've just left her hanging but not before stalking her photos

We are rarely, as adults, the same people that we were as children/teenagers. If anyone were to expect of me to be now what I was then they'd be looking for someone with a tag round an ankle, a serious cider habit, off my face on weed and sleeping with anyone who'd tip me the wink . I am none of those things!
I understand why you felt the need to go have a look OP but it serves to prove nothing at all. There's only one girl from my secondary school years who is unchanged from that time - she was the brainiest person any of us had ever come across and still is today - she regularly features on the radio and tv as an expert in her field and nobody is surprised by that. She's the exception rather than the rule!

There was a girl at my school who was a total bitch and bully, tho I was not one of her victims. She got a job working for an actors agency and ended up as a film director and married to a very famous 80s alternative comedian/actor, then lived for year with another one, had a daughter who is a famous bratty pop star, and a son who is an actor.
On the surface, a good life, and peeps thought it unfair she had a good life after being a bully, but - the comedian/actor was an utter bastard to her - downright cruel, and her daughter is also a bitch.
Like others have said, Facebook is a glossy veneer - not real life.

holes so sorry for your trauma No one should ever have to go through that. I hope you have got to a better place in life now. And truly I hope that nasty shit gets what he deserves.

As for the rest of it - pp have said it but I'll say it too:
a) FB is a terrible thing to compare your life to. People only ever post the best things in their life there you have no way of knowing how true it is. mrsterry I love 'don't compare the inside of your life to the outside of someone else's ' I'm going to say t to myself from now on
b) following on from the above - seriously you have NO idea how good or bad someone's life is from FB or even from being acquainted with them. I know someone who when I first met seemed to have the most perfect life ever - amazing husband, beautiful kids, great career, massive house, loads of money. Truth is she's a miserable depressed shit of a person who hasn't managed to maintain a single good relationship in her life (both romantic and platonic) and is lonely and miserable and likely will be forever. The material wealth doesn't cause her any happiness at all due to how miserable she is in the inside. And she has been a bit of a bully but the irony is that her own personality is her karma (that she can never be happy)
c) I think some people do change and can turn themselves around to be nice. It doesn't excuse their behaviour when they were younger but also doesn't mean they deserve to be miserable forever.

bullies never 'turn nice' they are always nasty shits

I think the PP here have shown that's not always the case. Although I wasn't personally bullied, a couple of my friends were, by the same girl. No idea why I was spared, but more than 20 years afer leaving school one friend met the bully one night, who came right over to friend and apolgised for being such a cow at school. She said that she'd been lashing out at the time, due to all sorts of awful stuff in her home life, and now that she had a daughter at school herself, was terrified that the girl would meet someone like she used to be.

She acknowledged that she can't change the past but her mission is to find and contact every person she bullied to explain and apologise. She's not expecting forgiveness. After getting the other friend's address, she wrote her a lovely letter of apology that made my friend cry.

Bullies aren't all just plain bad, some just need help, as do their victims. Both my friends felt they had a degree of closure after this encounter, so it seems there is hope for everyone.

If there was no hope of redemption, then there would be no youth workers helping troubled youngsters, they'd just be saying, "Oh, there's no hope for them - just put them away for life now and save everyone the trouble."

It's hard to forgive though when you've been on the receiving end. I've been bullied at a previous job and it's horrible especially from adults who should know better. I have thought some very mean things about the people concerned, I must admit, but now I struggle to remember their names. Turned out they just weren't that important after all.

I'm with you. Op. My son was bullied into his grave . I won't forgive or forget. And I pray for evil to come to that man. That will be justice .

amarmai sorry for your loss

The bullying you had was bad but it just gave you a picture of one element of his character. Now you're seeing another element via the edited highlights of FB. None of this really tells you the full picture about him; is he good is he bad? Is he deserving of his happiness, is what you see on FB accurate? You can't know so why trouble yourself? You couldn't control what happened then but you can control its ongoing effect.

An evil bitch who bullied me in school is now well known for her "perfect" life and she has even been awarded an MBE or obe (forget which one) for charity work. Everyone thought she was so perfect in school too, but she used to nip me or kick me in the cloakroom when no one could see and push me up against the wall and snarl nasty insults. She would also steal my coat/bag/shoes all the time. She made my life miserable. And I keep seeing her everywhere being all perfect and people want to be like her. If only they knew.

No justice.

My partner and I were close friends with someone who is pretty fucking famous. She was a knob and sacked him (he worked for her) when our son was 6 months old, and hurt us both in a bunch of ways by being a thoughtless, manipulative, hypocritical individual. We have to see her being rhapsodised about in the press fricking constantly ( it seems), whilst knowing how horrid she is. Obviously not the same as childhood bullying, but still.

I'm so sorry amarmai, no words for what you and your son have gone through

I think what really winds me up is I was a massive maths swot and he used to take the piss out of me in lessons all the time. He was reasonably clever but spent more time harassing people in lessons than working - and now HE'S the one with the finance career

holesinthefloor

Someone up thread said sociopaths tend to do well in life. According to the channel4 documentary from a few months back Donald Trump was a bully at school (and some allegations by an ex wife have been rather hushed up). Imagine if you were watching your school bully in the running to become President!

Always remember that people generally present their most positive image on Facebook. There are lots of people who are wonderful parents, spouses, friends on FB but the truth behind the scenes is nowhere near that. If he really has changed then he may be genuinely embarrassed and regretful of his school behaviour.

So your FB life isn't as great as his FB life? And if not for his bullying, you would have pursued a lucrative career in finance and been a squillionaire?

I think you might be really upset because you've realised there's no such thing as karma.

The people who bullied me at school and we're the "popular and pretty" ones are mostly extremely ugly and lead shitty lives now.

Karma takes its time sometimes maybe it's setting them up for a bigger fall!

Turns out some were abused and I forgave them and it was actually a wonderful feeling. Others are still just as popular and slimy but want to be my friend/date me and I love telling them where to shove it lol

I don't think it's as easy as saying shit teenagers usually become good adults and it's somewhat excused I was bullied for years as are many, during years that are meant to be some of the best carefree of my/ our lives. Knowing they've become decent adults doesn't change the physical or emotional injuries I got then, the fright I felt etc. I also don't think that the excuse they may of had it tough is acceptable either.

Re my first post, I don't harbour any particular resentment towards those women. I'm happy, they seem happy. I don't give them much headspace unless I see threads like this. I suppose I wouldn't really think there was much justice in them being adults with miserable lives, because I'm sure that at 27, they are very different people to the 16 year olds we all were when we last saw each other.

I'm living my life as I choose, at the moment it doesn't look much on paper but that is my choice. I find it irritating when people on these threads crow that a former bully is living an "average" life or "only" working at Tesco. Not least because I think virtually everybody lives average lives, granted some with more money than others.

TheSparrowhawk - I was bullied all the way through school, and it has left me with depression and anxiety disorder, for which I have had therapy. One of the things my therapist told me was that what happened to me at school has left me, in effect, stuck at that age, in some ways.

I am working hard to get unstuck, to move past what happened to me and the damage it I did - but it is NOT easy, and I believe I will always have depression - it will be a lifelong condition, that I will have to manage with medication, therapy and self-help/self-care.

OP, the finance industry is well known for being stuffed with bullying narcissistic wankers. If anything his current occupation and 'look at how perfect I am' Facebook feed suggests it is highly plausible that he is a grown up bully, which in our capitalist neo-liberal society translates into material 'success'.

Yes there is no justice and we live in a cruel universe but you do need to just heed the advice to just ignore him, that you have been given on here.