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AIBU?

To think there is no fucking justice

76 replies

ILikeMagnumzzz · 22/07/2016 11:06

Just being doing some Facebook stalking browsing and checked out the profile of the most horrible boy at my school. He was universally nasty and a bully, but especially so to me and one of my friends. He took the piss out of me when I spoke in lessons, making me afraid to contribute and affecting my confidence for years, and he also regularly made me feel really uncomfortable (once wrote me a note age 16 ish that was aggressively sexual and intimidating, which I was too embarrassed and ashamed to show anyone). Not a nice person at all.

Well fuck me, he's there living in some sweet looking US village (possibly upstate NY/New England) a beautiful, homely-looking wife, two sweet looking kids and a lovely house with a pool. He seems a mature, decent family guy - absolutely niceness personified. Appears to have a good job in finance and lots of friends posting thanking him for last night's dinner party, wishing his daughter a happy first day at preschool etc. Basically living the middle class dream!

I rather hoped - expected even - that he had got fat and stuck in a dead end job in Croydon.

There is no justice.

OP posts:

Report

Cherylene · 22/07/2016 15:32

I know of a horrible person who works in finance in the US. Maybe they are together

Facebook is where people post pretty things and rubbish. It isn't real life.

toadgirl · 22/07/2016 15:33

He's either:-

(1) Still a nasty piece of work and very likely his FB persona is a pack of lies and his life is built on quicksand.

(2) Actually changed for the better in which case, that's good really.

It's awful that your life was blighted by a bully, but moving forward I wouldn't give this man another minute of headspace.

Remember this maxim:

While you're angry at them, they're out dancing

MetalMidget · 22/07/2016 15:36

I think it's much better to see that somebody has grown out of being an arse than finding out that they're still the dick they were in school.

There was a lad at our school who was a terrible bully - he'd throw chairs at people, punch them, threaten them, steal and break their stuff, etc. We didn't know it at the time, but a lot of his anger was down to his home situation - his dad had died when he was younger, and his mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

He grew into a really nice chap (and very apologetic for his teen behaviour!). Much better that than the lad who was a bully and a racist, who grew into an older bully and racist and ended up in jail for arson and attempted murder...

Lorelei76 · 22/07/2016 15:41

Metal, wow, that really isn't a good enough excuse. He may be apologetic but I'd hope anyone who was punched by him doesn't forgive. Forget and move on with life by all means, but why forgive that kind of behaviour.

OP I'd advise you to forget it and not stalk him again. One day juicy info may come your way...it happened to me, about someone who bullied me at work, and oh how I laughed.

RebelandaStunner · 22/07/2016 15:44

Make a success of your own life then you will be too busy to notice or care.
Nasty, selfish, troubled teenagers can turn into lovely people when they grow up.

ssd · 22/07/2016 15:44

oh I love stalking folk on facebook, its about all its good for

and op YANBU at all, one of the reasons I dont believe in bloody karma

AdjustableWench · 22/07/2016 15:45

Sometimes there is a kind of justice. A friend of mine at school was bullied by the head teacher - nasty homophobic stuff. My friend is now a successful musician, whereas the head teacher was convicted of financial fraud a few years after we left school. It's not direct justice, but it pleases me nevertheless.

2nds · 22/07/2016 15:46

I have befriended some of the people who bullied me at school. They made life hell 20 years ago sure absolutely, but I'm a big girl now and people can realise the error of their ways and change and I no longer hold any ill-feeling towards any of them.

One girl who beat me up had lost her father a year before beating me up. I look back now and I realise that she needed help at the time. A few years after we both left school I was in a queue in a McDonald's and someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was her and she said sorry to me for beating me up at school and it was a sincere apology and I said it was OK and it was all water under the bridge and we had a good chin wag.

OP many victims of bullying also go on to do well in life.

MorrisZapp · 22/07/2016 15:57

FB is basically a network of sweethearts who used to be utter cunts. That's what it is. It's all about our age too, literally every boy I was at school with from the bully to the nerd to the alpha is now a standard issue middle class dad.

I was pretty mouthy at school, my jokes often went too far and I'm sure I caused hurt feelings. I regret it now, I'm genuinely a nice person.

We all get to grow up and change, thank goodness.

HolesInTheFloor · 22/07/2016 15:57

I recently looked up my first boyfriend on Facebook. He didn't have an account but his wife does. According to Facebook he seems the loveliest husband and father (pics of the puppy he bought for the kids, poems he's written them, days out on their boat) and is also really successful.

He was hugely abusive to me for years and raped me so violently and horrifically once I was told I was unlikely to ever get pregnant. I was 16 at the time and he convinced me to tell the police 'I liked it rough' when they interviewed me.

He continued to harrass me for years and looking at dates on Facebook it's clear I was still sleeping with him for the first few years of his relationship with his now wife. I still have all the emails he sent me proving it, and some of it is really pretty nasty. I do fantasise about sending it to his wife when I'm feeling mean.

hazelnutlatte · 22/07/2016 15:59

The boy who bullied me at school joined the army, grew up and years later, apologised for his behaviour. I haven't seen him in years but it seems he has changed a lot since school! The girl who bullied me is now a teaching assistant in the school we went to. No idea if she's happy but I do feel a bit smug that she doesn't seem to have moved on with her life. By all accounts she's still a bitch, hope she is at least nice to the kids at the school now!

GarlicStake · 22/07/2016 15:59

Sociopaths usually do well. Don't sweat it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/07/2016 16:03

I'm sorry you were bullied, OP. Many of us were. At 16 he should have known better and it's a shame that you didn't feel able to get some support from somebody you trusted back then, as a young woman.

That said, your post is really unkind. If you were a 'child' so was he. He has obvious done a turn around as many kids do and has now 'come good'.

Looking down on people and wishing bad things for them never has that affect, nobody is that powerful. However, wishing those bad things does seem to have an adverse impact on the wisher.

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 22/07/2016 16:05

I see where you're coming from OP because there is no justice. Really there isn't, life is if not unfair, then at least unequal. It just is. But then that's what a refugee from Syria, or someone diagnosed with a life limiting condition, or someone who's been bereaved, might say about you and me. It's not fair.

Also we can't judge what we feel on the inside by how someone else looks on the outside. I have a hugely successful friend - beautiful, smart, funny, rich, fabulous house, interesting and well paid job, married to great guy, with a beautiful son while I work in a badly paid job and struggle with infertility and sometimes I think "it's not fair...." BUT she lost her mum to cancer at 18 and has never really recovered, she regularly struggles with stress and depression, pushes herself to succeed to the point of exhaustion and then has to become a recluse in order to recover. So seeing her outward beauty, wealth and success is not the whole story of what's going on for her.

I agree with others upthread who've said the best revenge is to be happy yourself. Go forth and have a good time!

BadLad · 22/07/2016 16:11

I was a horrible bully at school to the fat boys in my year, at primary school, this is. I regret it very much now, and for the short time I was supposedly teaching at a school, just about the only effective thing I was able to do (such is the role of the JET in schools here) was to keep my eyes and ears open to clamp down on any bullying I saw. In particular I came down hard on anyone bring mean to the overweight students.

WannaBe · 22/07/2016 16:13

Not all sixteen year olds are bullies, but most go through a stage of doing some pretty stupid and shit things.

if you did drugs at sixteen or slept around or stole from your parents' drinks cabinet and showed no respect for your parentt do you assume that's the adult you will turn into?

everyone has the capacity to change. We have youth detention up to the age of eighteen in this country precisely because under eighteens are children and lack maturity.

It says more about the person wishing ill on someone who was a child at the time they did wrong than it does about the wrongdoer themselves.

CherryPicking · 22/07/2016 16:13

I think bullying character traits are pretty much required to get ahead in a Capitalist society: knowing who to suck up to, and who's beneath you, that's the class system right there too!

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/07/2016 16:15

Never compare the inside of your life with the outside of someone else's.

noiwontmoveover · 22/07/2016 16:15

Metal, wow, that really isn't a good enough excuse. He may be apologetic but I'd hope anyone who was punched by him doesn't forgive. Forget and move on with life by all means, but why forgive that kind of behaviour.

Why do people always make excuses for bullies?
It's never their fault.
Apprently.

monkeywithacowface · 22/07/2016 16:17

Coincidentally my school bully sent me a friend request the other week. Had a quick look at her Facebook page, she's fairly average looking (always remember her as stunning whilst I went through my teens avoiding mirrors) has a fairly mediocre job and a few kids. Nothing special. It was nice to decline the request and feel happy about how my life is now. I suspect she's still so full of herself that she's never realised what a massive bitch she was otherwise why send the request?

WannaBe · 22/07/2016 16:19

I don't think it's about making excuses for bullies. It's about sixteen year olds being vastly different beings to the adults they grow into.

School is a very small bubble compared to the wide world we all end up in.

RepentAtLeisure · 22/07/2016 16:20

But it sounds like he's grown up and you haven't.

Perhaps because he spent years stamping the OPs self confidence into the ground? There's a difference between being a 'bit shit' which refers to 95% of teenagers, and systemically victimizing someone for years and making them feel unsafe. The effects from that can last a lifetime.

thecatsarecrazy · 22/07/2016 16:20

A girl who bullied me and was just awful to me at school was in the daily mirror one Saturday. She is living with a man twice her age, incredibly rich and he left his wife for her. He had some kind of link to lady Diana.

toadgirl · 22/07/2016 16:23

Never compare the inside of your life with the outside of someone else's

Love this!

2nds · 22/07/2016 16:23

Ooh I wonder who it was Thecats :-)

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