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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at this situation...

58 replies

BeAVoiceNotAnEcho · 03/07/2016 20:11

I should start by saying I'm a feminist and just wondering what others would think of what happened to me today.

Whilst out walking with my DP and toddler we passed an elderly guy walking a dog. As he passed he stopped and had a conversation with my DP which went as follows
Man: "oh I wish I had a lovely young woman like that with me,although I'd take her home and make love not war"
DP: (laughed awkwardly and said..) "I'm just tiring her out"

AIBU to feel like I was being objectified by this man and effectively talked about like I wasn't there? or have I got my feminist knickers in a twist Grin

OP posts:
WordGetsAround · 03/07/2016 20:13

He was reminiscing about his youth and (kind of!?) paying you a complement! I think you should get over it.

ConcernedParent88 · 03/07/2016 20:14

Dfod

MojitoJo · 03/07/2016 20:15

Your knickers are firmly twisted I think. It was just a light hearted comment.

KittyLaRoux · 03/07/2016 20:16

I wouldnt pay much attention. Agree with pp he was reminicing not objectifying.

NoahVale · 03/07/2016 20:16

but you said he was an old bloke. too late to change his attitude now.
smile and wave

NoahVale · 03/07/2016 20:17

beg your pardon, elderly guy

FourEyesGood · 03/07/2016 20:18

YANBU. It was a creepy thing to say. ("Make love" is creepy under any curcumstance, though.)

FourEyesGood · 03/07/2016 20:19

Just because someone's old it doesn't mean they should get away with being offensive!

Moistly · 03/07/2016 20:19

Hahaha Grin

NoahVale · 03/07/2016 20:20

make love not war, inoffensive.

Moistly · 03/07/2016 20:20

Take it as a very un-pc compliment!

Bottomchops · 03/07/2016 20:20

Bants

descalina · 03/07/2016 20:21

I think your DPs response was worse tbh

NoahVale · 03/07/2016 20:21

agree, he could have said, make her do some housework, cook you a meal, dont let her out of the house.

NoahVale · 03/07/2016 20:21

i think the DP was very funny

DrLockhart · 03/07/2016 20:22

He was paying you a (back handed) complement which could have been better worded.

I hate over generalising the older generations, but I have had this type of thing happen to me with older men. There is a genuine feeling that they want to complement you and they are harmless, but their words can sometimes have a misogynistic tone.

I had an man, around 70-75 years old stop me in a supermarket after we'd passed each other in a couple of the aisles, and say "it is lovely to see an attractive young woman wear a dress and look smart during the day". I thanked him and it made his day that I spoke to him for a couple of minutes (he felt young people don't make an effort to look professional)

It was harmless but could have been construed completely differently.

NoahVale · 03/07/2016 20:22

oh i just realised you Are a feminist.
well of course you can be annoyed about it, but, that is your prerogative.

ExitPursuedByABear · 03/07/2016 20:23

High five to your DP.

EllenDegenerate · 03/07/2016 20:23

I think he was just voicing his envy of your partner's relative youth.

I expect I'll feel much the same when I'm an old gal myself.

Original poster
BeAVoiceNotAnEcho · 03/07/2016 20:30

mixed bag of replies so far but I'll loosen the feminist knickers a tad and just take it as an odd compliment!
I wish he'd left it at "I wish I had a lovely young woman like that" and left out the sex part.....DP fully admitted had it been a young lad he'd have gone ballistic Grin

OP posts:
Becky546 · 03/07/2016 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doinmummy · 03/07/2016 20:31

I can sort of see where you're coming from Op but is it really so difficult to take these sort of comments as they are meant, without looking for things to be offended by. I'd find it exhausting to constantly have to analyse things that I have said to me (my job brings me in contact with very elderly people )

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 03/07/2016 20:32

Just because he is old doesn't mean he can't/hasnt felt the 'twinge' of lust we all feel when we all see someone we find attractive.
And before anyone jumps in with "Oh but you should value people on their personality" - yes you should but the initial way hey! often overrides that.
I'm sure your dp felt/feels the same when he saw/sees you, but obviously now knows you as a person and values you on that basis.

Old people not another species, they have loved/still love someone, they are still as fallible and amazing as everyone else.
I see an elderly couple locally who are always holding hands and gaze at each other with such affection.

That is all.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 03/07/2016 20:34

There's a Feminism Board for this crap.

Unless what you were really after was everyone saying how stunning you must be.

Frankly, I feel your DP's comment was weird & far more 'objectifying' than the other blokes.

LauderSyme · 03/07/2016 20:48

YANBU in my opinion. He was objectifying you and he was talking about you as if you weren't there. If he'd said to your DP "Your bird's well fit, wish I had one like that, I'd take her home and give her one", all these people excusing him might think differently.
He may well have been a harmless old duffer wistfully reminiscing but that is essentially what he said about you!
However... YABU using "feminist" as shorthand for "I might be militantly uptight and unreasonable so feel free to discount my experience and my feelings about it".
That's not very feminist! Wink