to be annoyed at this situation...

[BeAVoiceNotAnEcho]

I should start by saying I'm a feminist and just wondering what others would think of what happened to me today.

Whilst out walking with my DP and toddler we passed an elderly guy walking a dog. As he passed he stopped and had a conversation with my DP which went as follows
Man: "oh I wish I had a lovely young woman like that with me,although I'd take her home and make love not war"
DP: (laughed awkwardly and said..) "I'm just tiring her out"

AIBU to feel like I was being objectified by this man and effectively talked about like I wasn't there? or have I got my feminist knickers in a twist

[ALemonyPea]

You need to loosen up a bit and stop seeing everything as an issue. It was just a joke, I don't think your DP or the elderly man meant anything sexist about it.

[LauderSyme]

Christ, these replies are depressing. No wonder we are where we are.

[Backingvocals]

That would make me feel really uncomfortable. One man addressed another man about you - in your presence - but you had no involvement in the conversation between the two men which was about your sexual attractiveness. That's the very definition of objectification.

It's very easy to say it's harmless but how many times have you gone up to a random man in the street and sexually appraised him to his female partner to the point where he felt awkward? Never? No. Thought as much.

[Doinmummy]

I do get the sexist thing , but it here must be some common sense used .

[Backingvocals]

Common sense was used. OP didn't overreact or launch into a tirade about it. She just came on here and told us she felt she was being objectified by this man - which she was.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

YANBU. I'd feel very awkward and quite embarrassed by that. I also think it's incredibly rude to talk about you as if you were not there, no matter what was said and I am no feminist really.

[bingolittle]

I think you must live in my area, because I have an ancient neighbour (who I often meet out walking his dog) who makes EXACTLY this kind of comment. Also makes jokes about his wife not being so good on her feet anymore, so he can't send her out on the streets like he used to... etc etc.

When I say ancient, he really is ancient (well over 90). I just laugh along (awkwardly) because a) he grew up in a very different world and b) he's most definitely past all that kind of thing and presumably feels he's reached the point where it'll be clear he's pretty harmless and just joking around.

Yes, it's awkward, and dodgy, but he's a nice old thing, he doesn't have a great life, he doesn't have long left, and nobody would benefit from my lecturing him on manners at this point. Let him get his enjoyment where he can. He's not meaning to offend anybody.

(Although... interestingly, I did see a comment somewhere recently arguing against letting elderly people off the hook for unacceptable prejudice. That was about racism, rather than sexism. They were making the point that somebody who was in their early seventies now would have been about 20 in the Martin Luther King era and therefore should have had plenty of time to get used to the idea of equality, so we shouldn't just go, "Aaah, Granny grew up in Olden Times, so of course she's racist." I guess anyone who is in their early 60s now should be in the same position regarding feminism. So perhaps that's the cut-off point for cutting them slack?!)

[Barmcakebessie]

extrahotlatte you're a charmer aren't you? Mind you, the dp's comment struck me as odd too!

[BeAVoiceNotAnEcho]

I fully expected some differing opinions and it did make me feel extremely uncomfortable being talked about like I was not there. I guess I wanted to know what others thought and whether I was just being oversensitive!

As I've hit my 30s I've been more aware of how women are commented on and viewed as objects and it very difficult to unsee. This particular comment wasn't crude but it left me feeling odd and to be honest I feel like it's easy to ignore because the man was older and he "meant no harm".
I'm certainly not fishing for compliments...

[AmysTiara]

I'm surprised at these responses. I think YANBU at all and your dP's response was utterly odd.

[AmysTiara]

Why would it be a wind up Becky?

[Wdigin2this]

He was probably just wistfully reminiscing, and I wouldn't get anything in a twist if I were you. But, he really shouldn't be makeing such personal remarks to complete strangers....however old he is!
Your DP's response was a bit weird, but I expect he was just taken off guard and said the first thing that came into his mind....I hope so anyway!

[PopGoesTheWeaz]

I think that's pretty gross, and YANBU. Can you imagine if you passed an old lady on the street and she said "oooh, look at the size of you DH's hands, I wouldn't mind having him over for a romp in the boudoir! wink wink".

Ugh, just saw this was in front of your toddler too. Soorry.

Still, I'm not sure what the proper response from DH should have ben: "thanks , I'm a lucky guy. She speaks 4 languages too!" I don't think he should have antagonised the old man, and no time to teach feminism 101, but something to show that he wasn't sharing in that joke.

[fattyfattytoadgirl]

I would have laughed. But then I had a job at 18 working in an old men's drinking pub.

They were chivalrous in their own way and very kind to me, but this is the kind of thing you'd hear.

[myownprivateidaho]

Eww gross. Can't believe people are ok with strange men coming up to their dps and saying they'd like to fuck them. So awful. Yanbu at all, what a creep. And no, it's not about his age - there was no time period in the twentieth century in which the comment would not have been rude!

[acasualobserver]

As always, there is a difference between giving offence and choosing to take it.

[Purplebluebird]

A bit strange but a compliment :P Untwist knickers please.

[RJnomore1]

I'd be less concerned with the old man - his comment sounds like a pang of wistfulness for his lost youth - than your dps. There's a rather creepy implication in there that if he tired you out you would be more receptive to his sexual advances isn't there?

[trafalgargal]

It's all in the intention.

He wasn't hitting on you he was complimenting you and telling your OH he is a lucky bloke. The fact he is elderly and grew up in a different time does make a difference. I guess some posters don't realise "make love not war" was a very right on phrase way back in the sixties.

With every thing going on in the world at the moment it really isn't of any significance .

[maisiejones]

My 92 year old father says things like this. I try to stop him but he thinks women like being complimented. He's too long in the tooth to change or to understand feminism. He'd be both horrified and bewildered if he thought his words had caused offence.

[fattyfattytoadgirl]

Trafalgargal - I thought of that old sixties phrase too

[Purplemonkeydishwasherpimp]

Yawn

[Birdsgottafly]

""He was probably just wistfully reminiscing, and I wouldn't get anything in a twist if I were you""

If my Dad (as a white South African) started reminiscing about when he had 'House Boys'), but meant no harm, would that be ok?

The recent campaign about wearing a safety pin, is fantastic, but it did make me think about how Sexism is still acceptable, everywhere and goes unchallenged. I hear/see everyday sexism, regularly.

I was at the African Oye, there's was a few arguments about queue jumping, in every occasion, sexist language was used, Slag, Ugly/Fat Slut etc. It went completely unchallenged, if a racist word had of been used, it would have needed riot vans (quite rightly).

I wouldn't have said anything, because of his age. There's no excuse for anyone under 75, though.

[CocktailQueen]

I think you.'re overthinking this. He's an older bloke, and he was trying to pay you a compliment. There's not much point trying to change his attitudes.

After all, if we'd all been born in the 16th century we'd all be in favour of black slavery, or women not being educated, and of kids being sent up chimneys! We are all a product of our time.

Think your dh's response was v odd though - tire you out for what? Why?

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

Op, were you and your DP arguing? It sounds slightly as if the older man may have thought he wasn't treating you properly and was trying to make him see how fortunate he was (hence the "love not war" as perhaps he thought your DP's attitude towards you was a bit "off").
Sometimes I think that people who are lonely and want a bit of human contact can blurt out anything they can think of, just to start a conversation. It doesn't sound like he meant any harm and it's probably a waste of energy to get too offended by it.