to be annoyed at this situation...

[BeAVoiceNotAnEcho]

I should start by saying I'm a feminist and just wondering what others would think of what happened to me today.

Whilst out walking with my DP and toddler we passed an elderly guy walking a dog. As he passed he stopped and had a conversation with my DP which went as follows
Man: "oh I wish I had a lovely young woman like that with me,although I'd take her home and make love not war"
DP: (laughed awkwardly and said..) "I'm just tiring her out"

AIBU to feel like I was being objectified by this man and effectively talked about like I wasn't there? or have I got my feminist knickers in a twist

[Shelby2010]

My FIL would make this type of comment in his later years. In his case it was the onset of dementia that removed the filters between brain & mouth.

Just let it go.

[Religieuse]

Of course you aren't unreasonable to be annoyed at a stranger discussing your fuckability with your DH as though you were a blow up doll in front of your toddler. My first thought would be dementia, mind you. It sounds like a classic loss of inhibition type comment.

[Inertia]

Being older doesn't give anyone the right to sexually objectify women. Both men spoke about you as if you were an inanimate piece of property - I think you'd have been perfectly justified in responding to the conversation.

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

OP, the mistake you made was calling yourself a feminist. I'll never know why women find this term so offensive they need at attack so-called feminists and loudly proclaim they are not one, but anyway...

The old man's comment was revolting. "Oi mate, if she was mine I'd be at home shagging her rotten." While you're standing right there. Utterly disgusting, but nothing compared to a lot of these stupid comments.

[KC225]

Is 1973 back?

[RupertPupkin]

Yes OP a stranger approaching your DP to mention he'd like to fuck you is a compliment. Just be nice because he was old. WTF?!

[123beanie]

I'd have felt a little bit weird in that situation too OP but the man obviously meant no harm by the comment and was probably just trying to be nice

[ZippyNeedsFeeding]

Op, were you and your DP arguing? It sounds slightly as if the older man may have thought he wasn't treating you properly and was trying to make him see how fortunate he was (hence the "love not war" as perhaps he thought your DP's attitude towards you was a bit "off").
Sometimes I think that people who are lonely and want a bit of human contact can blurt out anything they can think of, just to start a conversation. It doesn't sound like he meant any harm and it's probably a waste of energy to get too offended by it.

[CocktailQueen]

I think you.'re overthinking this. He's an older bloke, and he was trying to pay you a compliment. There's not much point trying to change his attitudes.

After all, if we'd all been born in the 16th century we'd all be in favour of black slavery, or women not being educated, and of kids being sent up chimneys! We are all a product of our time.

Think your dh's response was v odd though - tire you out for what? Why?

[Birdsgottafly]

""He was probably just wistfully reminiscing, and I wouldn't get anything in a twist if I were you""

If my Dad (as a white South African) started reminiscing about when he had 'House Boys'), but meant no harm, would that be ok?

The recent campaign about wearing a safety pin, is fantastic, but it did make me think about how Sexism is still acceptable, everywhere and goes unchallenged. I hear/see everyday sexism, regularly.

I was at the African Oye, there's was a few arguments about queue jumping, in every occasion, sexist language was used, Slag, Ugly/Fat Slut etc. It went completely unchallenged, if a racist word had of been used, it would have needed riot vans (quite rightly).

I wouldn't have said anything, because of his age. There's no excuse for anyone under 75, though.

[Purplemonkeydishwasherpimp]

Yawn

[fattyfattytoadgirl]

Trafalgargal - I thought of that old sixties phrase too

[maisiejones]

My 92 year old father says things like this. I try to stop him but he thinks women like being complimented. He's too long in the tooth to change or to understand feminism. He'd be both horrified and bewildered if he thought his words had caused offence.

[trafalgargal]

It's all in the intention.

He wasn't hitting on you he was complimenting you and telling your OH he is a lucky bloke. The fact he is elderly and grew up in a different time does make a difference. I guess some posters don't realise "make love not war" was a very right on phrase way back in the sixties.

With every thing going on in the world at the moment it really isn't of any significance .

[RJnomore1]

I'd be less concerned with the old man - his comment sounds like a pang of wistfulness for his lost youth - than your dps. There's a rather creepy implication in there that if he tired you out you would be more receptive to his sexual advances isn't there?

[Purplebluebird]

A bit strange but a compliment :P Untwist knickers please.

[acasualobserver]

As always, there is a difference between giving offence and choosing to take it.

[myownprivateidaho]

Eww gross. Can't believe people are ok with strange men coming up to their dps and saying they'd like to fuck them. So awful. Yanbu at all, what a creep. And no, it's not about his age - there was no time period in the twentieth century in which the comment would not have been rude!

[fattyfattytoadgirl]

I would have laughed. But then I had a job at 18 working in an old men's drinking pub.

They were chivalrous in their own way and very kind to me, but this is the kind of thing you'd hear.

[PopGoesTheWeaz]

I think that's pretty gross, and YANBU. Can you imagine if you passed an old lady on the street and she said "oooh, look at the size of you DH's hands, I wouldn't mind having him over for a romp in the boudoir! wink wink".

Ugh, just saw this was in front of your toddler too. Soorry.

Still, I'm not sure what the proper response from DH should have ben: "thanks , I'm a lucky guy. She speaks 4 languages too!" I don't think he should have antagonised the old man, and no time to teach feminism 101, but something to show that he wasn't sharing in that joke.

[Wdigin2this]

He was probably just wistfully reminiscing, and I wouldn't get anything in a twist if I were you. But, he really shouldn't be makeing such personal remarks to complete strangers....however old he is!
Your DP's response was a bit weird, but I expect he was just taken off guard and said the first thing that came into his mind....I hope so anyway!

[AmysTiara]

Why would it be a wind up Becky?

[AmysTiara]

I'm surprised at these responses. I think YANBU at all and your dP's response was utterly odd.

[BeAVoiceNotAnEcho]

I fully expected some differing opinions and it did make me feel extremely uncomfortable being talked about like I was not there. I guess I wanted to know what others thought and whether I was just being oversensitive!

As I've hit my 30s I've been more aware of how women are commented on and viewed as objects and it very difficult to unsee. This particular comment wasn't crude but it left me feeling odd and to be honest I feel like it's easy to ignore because the man was older and he "meant no harm".
I'm certainly not fishing for compliments...