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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at parents attitude

52 replies

yessir · 30/06/2016 09:21

I have started to date a guy and the first question my parents asked was has he got money as I need stability and to not go with somebody who has a dead end job.
Its really upset me and I told them its not all about money.
My dad said in a joking way find out what his bank balance is.
I am really put out by their comments.
I tried to say I want somebody that I like and that makes me happy.
I feel so deflated.

OP posts:
branofthemist · 30/06/2016 09:25

Why deflated? I would imagine most parents want their kids with someone who is stable.

Is there a background story to this?

maxeffort0satisfaction · 30/06/2016 09:26

Is he poor?

I think your parents meant it in a realistic and well wishing way but when you like someone sometimes you have rose tinted glasses.

You must've gathered from your parents already that money is an issue for them whether lack of or acquiring/keeping it.

MyKingdomForBrie · 30/06/2016 09:27

I wouldn't feel deflated, they're just being sensible. Obviously if he's in a low paid job it's not really relevant to you but your parents will obviously want your life to be as easy as possible and living in the UK today on a low wage is bloody difficult!

branofthemist · 30/06/2016 09:28

Sorry, forgot to say, and of course most parents want their child to be with someone they like, makes them happy as well as makes them happy.

branofthemist · 30/06/2016 09:29

As well as being stable.

No idea why I out makes them happy twice Blush

Original poster
yessir · 30/06/2016 09:30

I have always struggled to get it together with money

OP posts:
Original poster
yessir · 30/06/2016 09:30

And they have helped me out

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Original poster
yessir · 30/06/2016 09:31

That's where alot of it is coming from

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branofthemist · 30/06/2016 09:32

Well I can see their point then.

I assume your new boyfriend doesn't have a stable job, since you feel deflated.

branofthemist · 30/06/2016 09:33

Or maybe it's time you did get it together with money. Become more stable yourself and then they may not care.

Though, I suppose it would easier to judge if you explained what that means.

DonkeyOaty · 30/06/2016 09:33

Might be worth exploring why you find money stuff a struggle?

monkeywithacowface · 30/06/2016 09:33

Ah so what they mean is can you find someone who can bail you out so they don't have to anymore! Shame it would have been better if they could have helped you manage your money better rather than sending you the message that you don't need to take responsibility for your own finances.

corythatwas · 30/06/2016 09:34

My parents would not have done this because they would have felt:

a) that it was rude to suggest that I as an adult was incapable of thinking these things out myself

b) that not everybody on a low wage is bad with money or not everybody on a high wage is good with money

As a matter of fact, dh was in a very low paid profession when we first met, he did not have a stable job but kept moving around the country, and it was a foreign country to boot. My parents wisely kept their doubts to themselves and contented themselves with deciding that they liked what they saw of him as a person. 33 years later we are still happily married, and though we have sometimes been poor we have never been in a position where we have not been able to meet our obligations: the mortgage has been paid and the children have been fed and clothes (albeit sometimes from the charity shop). Around us couples with much better jobs have lost them, or been unable to budget within them; in the meantime dh and I have moved up to more secure jobs.

corythatwas · 30/06/2016 09:35

Ah, cross-post. So what they are really saying is not something about your new boyfriend but about the fact that they are no longer happy to bail you out. Absolutely fair enough.

Original poster
yessir · 30/06/2016 09:35

Thanks cory

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Original poster
yessir · 30/06/2016 09:36

Basically I always run out of money 2 weeks before I am paid and have some debt.

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AdrenalineFudge · 30/06/2016 09:36

I can see there point in that case. If they've had to repeatedly bail you out then no wonder they're hoping that your new partner is more sensible/secure and stable with money. I gather he isn't by your response?

Original poster
yessir · 30/06/2016 09:38

I have a son who seems to cost a fortune now he is a teenager and several animals to keep.

OP posts:
branofthemist · 30/06/2016 09:38

Why do you always run out of money? Why so much debt?

Is it bad decisions? Or something not of your own making?

Original poster
yessir · 30/06/2016 09:38

He is reasonabley well paid.

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RiverTam · 30/06/2016 09:39

Rehomed the animals if you can't afford them, surely. I can see your par now point but the real issue is your own management of money, you need to budget and cut back, it sounds like.

RiverTam · 30/06/2016 09:39

Par now = parents

Original poster
yessir · 30/06/2016 09:40

I don't know it always happens I am forever buying stuff for ds.
My debt is from a few years ago when I made stupid decisions.

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Original poster
yessir · 30/06/2016 09:41

River I have gone over that idea so many times with the animals and you know I have almost rehomed one or two many times but then back out.

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Original poster
yessir · 30/06/2016 09:42

Does anybody on here want a cat lol

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