Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be be fed up with my 3yr old ordering me around?

59 replies

Tatteredlace · 23/06/2016 13:56

I know, she's only 3... but the constant ''Make me some apple juice in my new frozen cup with the curly straw please Mummy!"

Like, jeez, why can't you ask nicely... Please can you, can you please? She knows to ask nicely but still insists on being a diva and expects me to answer to her beck and call.

EURRGHHHH I just want to snap sometimes.

She can clearly see that I am carrying a box the size on a small horse and trying to clamber over the baby who wants to park herself on my foot GRRR

Rant over... Phew... feel a little better now

OP posts:
orangebird69 · 23/06/2016 13:57

Don't do it until she asks nicely then.

Spingroll16 · 23/06/2016 13:57

At least she said please!

NarkyKnockers · 23/06/2016 14:02

Teach her how you would like her to ask you. I don't think what you have written sounds that bad. There's probably few 3 year olds who would say ' I can see you've got your hands full at the moment but would you mind making me an apple juice when you've finished please?'

Original poster
Tatteredlace · 23/06/2016 14:04

She shouts at me if I don't do it. Then its a back and forth of "Don't shout at me!" and "Stop it Mummy!"

I flipped and proper shouted "That's enough!" at her and I think she got scared, shes sulking in her room now and I feel bad.

She's incredibly bossy and it's driving me up the wall!! This is a phase right? Or have I turned her into a diva?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tatteredlace · 23/06/2016 14:05

You're right Narky, I don't expect her to spout all that, I am just really fed up with her attitude and getting SAHM cabin fever or something

OP posts:
pinocchiosnose · 23/06/2016 14:06

Is she my dd? Mine is exactly the same and is also 3 so I have no advice but I am shamelessly place marking.

lenibose · 23/06/2016 14:09

If she shouts then ignore it. Just repeat ad nauseum: say please. Say please. And 'thank you'. It is absurd to be dictated to by a 3 year old. Sorry to be harsh but it is.
If she asks, she asks nicely. If she doesn't, she doesn't get what she wants. If she tantrums, ignore it for however long, saying intermittently 'please speak nicely'. At some point she will figure out it is easier for her to be polite than throw a tantrum. And being polite gets her your attention and praise.

lenibose · 23/06/2016 14:11

Empathy is different. But 'apple juice please' should suffice.

NarkyKnockers · 23/06/2016 14:11

Do you snap at her for asking when you're busy? That could be escalating things. If not I'd get her to sit and calm down for a few minutes before I got the juice and explain to her when she's calm why you couldn't get it straight away and that it upsets you when she shouts and it also means she has had to wait longer for what she wanted because you had to deal with the shouting. There are lots of games you can play as well to help improve kids emotional control and waiting skills if you have a Google.

Nowthereistwo · 23/06/2016 14:11

We also have issues on who sits where, who gets her out of the car etc.

We do explain that sometimes there are reasons mum has to put you to bed etc. But the tears...

SleepyRoo · 23/06/2016 14:13

Do the pasta jar. A piece of dry pasta goes in every time she asks for something politely etc. When jar fills up she gets to choose a toy. Tell her why you're putting each piece in, to reinforce . Make sure it's a big-ish jar!

Original poster
Tatteredlace · 23/06/2016 14:15

It is absurd!! She's like a mini Hitler sometimes! She hit me the other day and I swear I just could of cried. I have never laid a finger on her so I don't know why she's acting like that?

OP posts:
ppeatfruit · 23/06/2016 14:16

Play a game with her; say something like "Was that the teddy asking me for juice? Could you tell him that he'll get some when I've finished what I'm doing" Or leave the juice\water where she can get it herself.

It is a stage and IMO and E it's best to not make a big thing out of it.

AnnaMarlowe · 23/06/2016 14:20

People (including adults) who don't behave nicely don't get what they want in this house.

No matter how long they shout/cry/moan.

Everybody seems to have the idea now including visiting children and the PILs Grin

NarkyKnockers · 23/06/2016 14:25

Is it always when she can't have something straight away or are there other triggers for the behaviour op? Role playing situations that make my dc cross when they are calm has worked wonders in my house. We think up together what would be good choices and bad choices in different situations. It sounds like a bit of impulsively and lack of emotional control which is not uncommon at that age and will pass.

kesstrel · 23/06/2016 14:25

I have never laid a finger on her so I don't know why she's acting like that?

The idea that children have to "learn" to be violent by copying someone else is, sadly, not backed up by any evidence.

RiverTam · 23/06/2016 14:30

Remind yourself of who is in charge - that's you in case you're wondering. Hitting should have resulted in an immediate sanction.

Oh, and please don't label a girl 'bossy'. She's being rude, pure and simple, and she needs to learn, and you need to teach her. I agree it's a stage but it needs to be dealt with otherwise she'll turn into the child that parents don't want round to play dates because they have no manners!

But - it's hard, and you feel awful when your beloved child starts behaving like this. Don't worry about her sulking in her room, give yourself both some time to calm down then go up with a cuddle and have a chat and then move on.

minipie · 23/06/2016 14:32

I am just going with "I can't hear you unless you ask nicely" and repeat.

I don't think you can expect her to notice that you're busy though. That's quite a sophisticated thing to learn many adults haven't yet managed it.

DrSeuss · 23/06/2016 14:34

I don't take orders from my children, any child visiting my home or in my classroom! Just explain in a very calm voice that she can have a drink or whatever when she asks in a pleasant tone, using good manners. If she screams, walk away, sit down and pick up a book or go into another room and begin a job. Do not engage in an argument, you're in charge, she does what you expect.

TroysMammy · 23/06/2016 14:35

I told my niece once "if you ask nicely and say please you will get what you ask for, if you say thank you, you will get it next time you ask nicely". This doesn't apply to material things but food and drink or doing stuff.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/06/2016 14:42

My DS2 is doing this a LOT just now. He's 3.8.

Mummy, get me out NOW!
Mummy I want lunch. Feed me now.
Mummy play with me.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 23/06/2016 14:43

Sorry.
My ears don't work for shouting/whinges
Sorry, I can't hear the words when you whine...
Yes, teddy. I did hear someone REALLY rude/mean....
I want juice!
Pardon?
I want juice
Pardon?
I waaaaant juice
Pardon?
Please me have juice?
Yes, ok. I will get some now for you.

That's normal for here.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 23/06/2016 14:45

Could you encourage her to do more for herself?

We had a "children's cupboard" from when the eldest was about 18 months until recently (youngest is now 5 so it is no longer necessary, we reorganised only a few weeks ago though).

In the children's cupboard (low and accessible in the kitchen) you keep only plastic cups, plates, bowls and cutlery.

You get a sturdy step stool kept by the kitchen sink to allow the 3 year old to get themselves a drink of water from the tap. You place the apple juice in the fridge on the lowest shelf. If you choose you also put an easy to open plastic box of chopped fruit low down in the fridge each morning, or you can keep things like raisins and a few rice cakes in a tupperware in the children's cupboard too, and / or allow her to help herself to bananas and whatever other fruit kept in a fruit bowl she can reach.

The question she asks you then becomes "please can I have an apple juice Mummy" and the answer is "yes, go and help yourself".

That is what I did anyway - DC2 was born when DD was 24 months, and it made life much easier as well as making her happier to be somewhat in control and independent in an age appropriate way. Also meant she sometimes brought me a drink (half a cup of luke warm tap water in a plastic beaker is better than nothing when you are stuck breast feeding on the sofa) and was most pleased with herself. DC2 had a vomiting bug when he was 1 and she was 3, and he just wanted to sleep on me all day and night and she made me jam sandwiches, I'll never forget that :o

NewLife4Me · 23/06/2016 14:46

My comment to the orders, was "what did your last slave die of"
Even toddlers get this after the first few times of explaining it. Grin

This usually followed making sure they said please and thank you.
I was really strict with manners though, no magic words and they didn't get.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/06/2016 14:46

She's 3 and she said please... I think people would be a lot happier parents if they expected age appropriate, personality appropriate behaviour, instead of expecting perfection.

I used to pretend not to be able to hear DD unless she said please.

"I want water".

"Sorry DD, what was that?"

"WATER"
"I can't excuse me "
"Ohhhhhh water please".

If you can make them laugh, and get what you want, the hours slip by.

Swipe left for the next trending thread