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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DH to pay me for my Fitbit?

72 replies

SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 22/06/2016 13:31

So my birthday was in March and DH bought me a Fitbit, cost him about £60. I don't do a lot of walking, maybe 1 long walk a week, as we live in Scotland and it's always raining! I do 5-6 fitness classes a week though which the Fitbit doesn't track so it's basically a waste of time to use it hence I never have. DH looked into it before he bought me it so he knew this and id never expressed a desire to have one. Every year (for the last 10 we've been together) DH does this at birthday and Christmas times. He'll spend a silly amount in money on something that I don't really want or need and sometimes have actually asked him not to buy. Another example was a big fancy box of thortons chocolates one Christmas that cost £35/£40 which he ended up eating as I don't even really like them and had said before Christmas that I don't know why people buy me thortons chocs as I never eat them! Anyways hubby does
quite a bit of walking and his birthday has just passed. For his birthday Dsis and DBil bought him a black wrist band so now he uses my Fitbit! I can think of so many things (namely new clothes as I don't have much such DD2 was born 9 months ago) I could've spent the £60 Fitbit money on! DH got birthday money from a few people. AIBU to ask him to buy the Fitbit from me? For the record he didn't ask me if he could have it just asked DSis and DBil for a band then set it up for himself and took it.

OP posts:

branofthemist · 22/06/2016 13:35

I don't know if I would ask him to buy it off me.

I would however be pissed that he was using something that was mine without asking. I would also take this as an opportunity to point out that whenever he buys you a present, it ends up being for him and how inconsiderate that is.

Surely no one would buy him a band out of the blue, without the Fitbit. He must have asked for it.

FuriousFate · 22/06/2016 13:35

I think it's quite common for people to buy what they'd actually like to receive themselves but in this case, he's clearly just bought himself a gift! I'd be pretty hurt in your position. Why not go and spend the equivalent amount on things for yourself?

HopeArden · 22/06/2016 13:37

Take it back! He is being a selfish arse, buying things that he wants under the guise of it being a present for you. So he has bought imself a present for your birthday and no doubt gets presents from you for his own. I honestly don't know why women put up with this shit.

So whether you want the fitbit or not, you need to reclaim it. And buy him some perfume/new clothes for you for his birthday.

He doesn't listen to you and he doesn't respect you. Time to change things.

passmyglass · 22/06/2016 13:43

Ach no, tell him his gift buying seems to be self serving and could do with some work. Give Fitbit as example. Then go out and buy £60 worth of clothes or whatever, come home and give him a big smile, thank-you kiss and show him what you bought.

Morporkia · 22/06/2016 13:45

tell him you want the fitbit back (as its yours), stick it on ebay buy something you want with the proceeds. in future write him a wish list. thats what id do..

Original poster

SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 22/06/2016 13:48

I'd like to add that DH is a nice guy he is generally very kind and considerate but I think he's just a bit shit at picking gifts and doesn't listen to me sometimes. He's also a very hands on dad and helps around the house etc so he's not a pig. The reason I'm thinking of asking him to buy it off me is because I was thinking of selling it so I could buy myself something else and also as a wake up call to him to maybe listen to me or at least ask what I want in future. He wouldn't easily forget giving me the majority of his birthday money! We don't really have that money ourselves for me to just go and spend unfortunately or that's exactly what I would've done. And he did ask for the band for his birthday as he'd decided he was using the Fitbit for a big walk he recently did for charity as I don't use it anyway. He wears it every day now though and it's proper boiling my blood! I got him a really nice, expensive top for his birthday which is something he likes but wouldn't spend money on and some other little bits that I knew he'd love (sweets, beer etc) which amounted to about £60. I always get him something I know he'd want but I think I'm just better at picking gifts than him.

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/06/2016 13:49

I would tell him since you don't use it very much you're going to sell it on eBay and use the money to buy some clothes. When he objects, point out what you've said here - you didn't particularly want one, you hardly use it. If he bleats that he bought it for you just repeat back to him that you have no use for it and he must have known that. Don't offer to sell it to him. Just make it clear that you are selling it. Let him stew about having a band and no Fitbit. Let him offer to buy it from you, if he doesn't then eBay it.

You need to have a discussion with him about how the presents he supposedly buys for you always seem to actually be for him. But wait until you've sold the Fitbit first, he needs to feel it's loss (or loss of the money he pays you for it) first.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 22/06/2016 13:50

Can't you just buy yourself the new clothes you want without the drama? As you're married all money technically belongs to both of you and you should be able to buy things you need unless you're both in dire straits (in which case he shouldn't be wasting money). At the moment you sound beholden to him and that's not right.

If you run separate finances and don't have access to what you need that's a bigger problem than the fit bit.

That said he sounds like a thoughtless arse.

branofthemist · 22/06/2016 13:50

My dh is pretty crap at coming up with gifts.

He doesn't however buy me something then take. It for himself. That's shitty behaviour

Lazyafternoon · 22/06/2016 13:51

Unless there's financial issues I'd just tell him that as he's taken your Fitbit which you didn't really want to start with so you are taking it upon yourself to buy yourself a treat in return.

Then spend £60 from the joint account (or ask him for the money if needed) as you want!

Don't ask just tell him!

Original poster

SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 22/06/2016 13:51

That's a good idea WhereYou rather than me outright just asking him for his money.

OP posts:

NeedACleverNN · 22/06/2016 13:52

Yes just take it back and put it on eBay...

You don't want or need it. If js YOURS

If he complains, tell him it was your present and you can do what you like with it. However you are a reasonable woman so will allow him to buy it off you

foursillybeans · 22/06/2016 13:53

I would probably talk to him. I would explain that as I didn't ever get to use my Fitbit which was mine (not his) I wanted to sell it to buy some clothes. I would say I was going to sell it on eBay. Would he prefer to give me £40 for it instead? If not can I have it back please?

Original poster

SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 22/06/2016 13:53

And also we share money but actually it's me that's in charge of all the finances! He doesn't even have a bank card. We just can't afford any extras as the birthdays were budgeted for IYSWIM.

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 22/06/2016 13:53

Just read your last post. If he's hopeless at gifts then it might be easier to just stop buying them and do something like a nice lunch or trip instead?

That's what dh and I do. Otherwise my wardrobe would be full of hideous things.

branofthemist · 22/06/2016 13:55

So if he gives you the money, where is it coming from? If he gives you £60, it's not different from your drawing out £60, is it?

It's best to sell it if you can't afford to just draw £60 out of the bank.

Still speak to him about gifts though. You will end up resenting him.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 22/06/2016 13:56

X-posted again.

So you run the finances but you want him to give you £60??

Just buy the clothes you want and then make an arrangement with your dh about birthday presents so the money doesn't get wasted in future.

All this "you need to give me £60" when he doesn't even have a bank card because you run the finances is just bonkers!

NetballHoop · 22/06/2016 13:57

I'd forget about the Fitbit, but from now on he'd be getting clothes in my size for his birthday/Xmas.

Original poster

SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 22/06/2016 13:58

The money would be from his birthday money that he got from other people branof which we obviously don't share as that his money he's given as a gift. When it's birthday, Christmas etc I give him the card to buy stuff although I've said to him before I'd rather just go and get myself something. If I do that though he still buys me a present so it's no win and more money has been wasted.

OP posts:

Original poster

SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 22/06/2016 14:00

I've said already we don't have the money in the account for me to spend it would be his birthday money movingon. I think I'll just ask for it back and sell it. Will save arguments I think.

OP posts:

OohMavis · 22/06/2016 14:01

"So now you've taken my Fitbit, where's my alternative birthday gift?"

Obviously I wouldn't expect another gift, but I'd say something, definitely. It's really selfish behaviour.

In future tell him what you'd like so he doesn't get the chance to buy for himself.

expatinscotland · 22/06/2016 14:16

Just take it back and sell it on Ebay.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 22/06/2016 14:20

I can see I'm in the minority here, but I wouldn't really mind him using it TBH .

You don't use it yourself so why not someone else get some use out of it? It sounds as though money is quite tight for you, so I'd think I'd prefer him to use the Fitbit that was already sitting in the house unused rather than buy himself another one.

I understand the point that you now feel like you haven't had a birthday present - but you did have one, you've just not used it. I agree it was a bit daft of your DH to buy you something relatively expensive that you hadn't even asked for, but the thought was there! Did you give him suggestions for things you would really like at the time?

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/06/2016 14:29

"I understand the point that you now feel like you haven't had a birthday present - but you did have one, you've just not used it. "
But her not using it was entirely predictable, SantasLittleMonkeyButler. Her husband has an established pattern of buying presents for her that somehow, mysteriously, turn out to be for him!

MurphysChild · 22/06/2016 14:30

I would buy him something you really want for his birthday and then when he didn't use it (women's clothes!) I would just keep them.

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