Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to pay me for my Fitbit?

72 replies

SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 22/06/2016 13:31

So my birthday was in March and DH bought me a Fitbit, cost him about £60. I don't do a lot of walking, maybe 1 long walk a week, as we live in Scotland and it's always raining! I do 5-6 fitness classes a week though which the Fitbit doesn't track so it's basically a waste of time to use it hence I never have. DH looked into it before he bought me it so he knew this and id never expressed a desire to have one. Every year (for the last 10 we've been together) DH does this at birthday and Christmas times. He'll spend a silly amount in money on something that I don't really want or need and sometimes have actually asked him not to buy. Another example was a big fancy box of thortons chocolates one Christmas that cost £35/£40 which he ended up eating as I don't even really like them and had said before Christmas that I don't know why people buy me thortons chocs as I never eat them! Anyways hubby does
quite a bit of walking and his birthday has just passed. For his birthday Dsis and DBil bought him a black wrist band so now he uses my Fitbit! I can think of so many things (namely new clothes as I don't have much such DD2 was born 9 months ago) I could've spent the £60 Fitbit money on! DH got birthday money from a few people. AIBU to ask him to buy the Fitbit from me? For the record he didn't ask me if he could have it just asked DSis and DBil for a band then set it up for himself and took it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 22/06/2016 14:35

In a way I don't mind him using it as like you say it's better than it just lying not being used SantasLittle but he wouldn't have went and bought himself one if I was using mine as w wouldn't been able to afford it and it's not the first time it's happened. That's what bothers me. He wastes money in these presents for me and then they get put to the back of a wardrobe/drawer or he gets them. He, on the other hand, always gets decent presents from me that he can use and likes. I wasn't asked this year he does ask sometimes. I really just like clothes, shoes and workout clothes as I'm kind of boring and practical that way and like to keep up with fashion to a certain extent but would've been happy with a primark or new look voucher that i had to spend on myself then if he wanted something for me to unwrap I'm always happy to receive a nice bottle of prosecco or something Grin.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 22/06/2016 14:36

YABU

It seems a bit weird tbh.

I've bought my dh a kindle before which he never used. I genuinely thought he'd like it. So I started using it. If he'd asked me for the money i would be Hmm

He's bought me stuff which I haven't used. Again it wouldn't occur to me to ask him for money if he used it.

Just be honest with him and tell him you didn't like the present and didn't like him taking it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/06/2016 14:46

I agree it was a bit daft of your DH to buy you something relatively expensive that you hadn't even asked for, but the thought was there! That's exactly it, the thought wasn't there. DH has bought me 'risky' presents before now but he would never take one for himself like that. With the chocolates... not cool.

LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 22/06/2016 14:48

I'm with the eBay it/selling site Facebook opinion!

Marynary · 22/06/2016 14:59

I would ask him for the fitbit so you can sell it. If he doesn't want to hand it over he can give you his birthday money. Unfortunately I bet he tries to give you less the actual cost as it is second hand (even the he is the one that has used it).

MapMyMum · 22/06/2016 15:23

I think you need to sit him down and make him realise how its all annoying you. It would annoy me too tbh as it seems theres no real thought put into it. If it were a once off Id let it go but every christmas and birthday its just not on.

chickettychick · 22/06/2016 15:24

He bought you a present that he thought you might like. He then realised you weren't using it so has started using it himself? Not really selfish. Just doesn't want the thing to go to waste.
Why would you ask him for money? He bought it with his money? You don't use it. yabu

peachpudding · 22/06/2016 15:33

Perhaps next xmas/birthday you should be very specific about what you want him to buy you, and make it clear anything else would be a waste of money.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/06/2016 15:48

He bought you a present that he thought you might like. He then realised you weren't using it so has started using it himself? Not really selfish. How do you explain the chocolates she specifically said she didn't want? Because he has form. A one off, no one would be disagreeing.

HaPPy8 · 22/06/2016 15:59

Why is it too wet for you to walk but he walks all the time?

Original poster
SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 22/06/2016 16:00

So general consensus is I'm not BU to be annoyed and should maybe sell the Fitbit but not to ask DH for the money for it? I think that sounds like the right thing to do after reading it back. It won't cause an argument that way. Totally see how some people wouldn't be bothered and tbh I wouldn't either if it was a one off. Thank you for all the different points of view on this. I think sometimes when you're angry it can cloud your judgement and make you act a bit rashly so it's nice to see from other people's perspectives.

OP posts:
Original poster
SecretlycrushingonTomHanks · 22/06/2016 16:04

I'm more of a princess than he is happy Wink. Really it's because I'd have DD2 to take in her buggy and even with a rain cover I'm sure most would agree it's not the most pleasant experience! He also walks a lot of miles each day for his job. He mainly walks when he's working.

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 22/06/2016 16:17

Agree, YANBU to be annoyed that you budget for presents and effectly he gets double gifts as you buy him a gift for his birthday then he buys himself another gift at your birthday with the money that's been budgetted for something for you.

tell him you want it back to sell it as you don't use it. (don't ask, it's yours, not his). Point out he can buy one for himself with his birthday money.

If this was a one off, then I'd say you were being petty, but as it's a pattern of behaviour that means he gets two sets a year rather than one, you need to start 'retraining' him away from selfish behaviour. Every other birthday/christmas, immediately ask for the gift receipt and say "I'm going ot return it." don't give him the opportunity to use whatever he's bought himself you.

mustnotwait · 22/06/2016 16:18

It doesn't always rain in Scotland. I've been on several long walks in the past week and it hasn't rained. Based on that YABU.

Sell the Fitbit, buy some clothes. Stop the whinging.

Never really understood expecting presents on birthdays. If everyone just ate cake it would stop all these birthday threads.

mustnotwait · 22/06/2016 16:20

Apologies, I'm a bit crabbit this afternoon.

Archedbrowse · 22/06/2016 16:28

So general consensus is I'm not BU to be annoyed and should maybe sell the Fitbit but not to ask DH for the money for it

Yes, I'd do that, whereyouleftit's suggestion is a good one.

ReginaBlitz · 22/06/2016 16:29

Sorry but this sounds a bit pathetic. You don't use it so he is making use, a present is a present just be grateful ffs.

trafalgargal · 22/06/2016 17:16

Is everything in your house either his or hers ?

Sounds more like a control issue.
If my OH has a use for something that I never use he's welcome to use it and vice versa. Next birthday point him towards the Amazon wish list of things you actually want though as he's clearly rubbish at choosing you gifts.

Archedbrowse · 22/06/2016 17:26

Regina, trafalgar so she should be grateful that her DH is repeatedly and deliberately buying gifts that he knows will end up benefitting him not OP? He's not 'rubbish at choosing [her] gifts' he's very good at willfully choosing things that he wants, knowing full well she won't be able to/want to use them and he'll end up benefitting.
OP has said they budget for bday gifts and can't afford to just go and buy herself something she does want to that value.

DinosaursRoar · 22/06/2016 18:01

Agree with Arched - if it was a one off, then it wouldn't be a big deal, but if at every birthday and Christmas he gets something he would like from the OP and then buys her something he knows she doesn't really want but he does (effectively buying himself something), then actually something does need to be done.

In a family where there's several hundred quid of spare money each month (so the OP could then go get herself something she does want), then this could be a trait that's ignored, but as there's not much money so the OP really can't just get herself something, then him wasting the money that's budgetted for the OP on what are effectively extra gifts for himself, the OP does need to do something about it.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 22/06/2016 18:07

Unless there's financial issues I'd just tell him that as he's taken your Fitbit which you didn't really want to start with so you are taking it upon yourself to buy yourself a treat in return.

Then spend £60 from the joint account (or ask him for the money if needed) as you want!

So the DH still gets £120 worth of birthday presents/money while the OP only gets the original £60? And learns that he still gets to keep the fake presents he buys for himself after all, and OP will go to the trouble of sorting out her own present if he continues with this nonsense? If I'm reading that right it doesn't sound like a particularly good plan.

chickettychick · 22/06/2016 18:09

He bought you chocolates that you said you didn't like. Maybe he genuinely forgot you didn't like them?
Not everyone has bad or selfish intentions when they do something

dowhatnow · 22/06/2016 18:15

Just tell him that in future anything he gets you that is really for himself will be his early birthday/xmas present from you.

So when they come round he gets nothing because he's already had his present and then you spend what you would have spent on him, on yourself.

DinosaursRoar · 22/06/2016 18:19

The chocolates, or even the fitbit could be forgiven as a mistake if it was a one off, my lovely and thoughtful DH has on occassion over the 15+ years we've been together got a rubbish gift for me, but that's been a rare occurance and he was trying. The OP said every Christmas and birthday has been the same for 10 years. This isn't a one off mistake. this is what he does.