family missing christening

[pestov]

NCd. AIBU to be pissed off that my siblings are not coming to my DD's christening? They were warned when I was pregnant that it would likely be near my OH's family (other end of the country) and were told the actual date almost 6 months ago so they could book and save if necessary. It's only today when I asked where they were staying that all 3 of them admitted they still hadn't booked anything, and were probably too skint to come! It's in 2 weeks and I'm heartbroken. I have already paid the deposit for the restaurant as none of them even hinted they might not make it, I see them each about once a month and none are even entertaining the idea of going without their OHs & DCs.

I can see why you're upset, but I'm not sure I'd expect anyone to travel a long way and save to come to a christening. Why is it so far away from everyone and not at your home church?

A Christening isn't like a wedding. It's a religious event to welcome a child into the church, maybe with a bit of food after. I'm not sure I'd drive the length of the country for it.

His family all travelled down to our church for our wedding 2 years ago, but his parents are late 70s and found it a real struggle so it's in their church. They haven't been to ours to see baby

Weddings are different to christening so. I've flown to weddings but wouldn't to a christening. They should have told you, though.

The welcoming is important to us - we go to mass every week and have done prep classes at our church so I'm upset they won't be there. I wouldn't have minded so much if they had said something months ago, it's the lack of declining that's angered me the most.

Did they ever hint they were coming though?
I can't imagine they've ever had any intention of saving and booking for a church service so far away.
I'm thinking a misunderstanding or assumption on your part, rather than they've let you down.

Yes! I've mentioned our plans loads and they've all been quite positive about them. I suspect some of them were hoping Dad would pay for them like he always does, DB and his GF are particularly entitled sometimes.

Must admit I wouldn't travel that far for a christening but they could have mentioned earlier. Christening aren't weddings it's unfair to compare. Did you tell them how important it was to you..I am no way religious and would not get to involved personally if my siblings did have those kind of views and would leave them to just get on with it

I wouldn't expect anyone that distance for a christening

I would never expect anyone to travel for a christening. It's not the same thing as travelling for a wedding at all, IMO.

Two weeks should be plenty of notice re numbers for the restaurant.

It's really not that big a deal. Call the restaurant and adjust the numbers.

YANBU they have been rude chatting about plans etc when they weren't going to attend. They should have let you know much earlier if they had no intention of coming.

I wouldn't travel across the country for a Christening. A wedding or a funeral (if the funeral is for someone important to me) definitely. Your relatives were extremely rude not to come clean about if they were coming or not. Don't give them a second thought.

I wouldn't travel far for a Christening. But I would have been upfront about it.

Sorry OP but why would your siblings need to save and pay to attend the Christening? This isn't an extension of a wedding; you will have your partner's family there as it's conveniently located for them. It's not convenient for the rest of your family and perhaps they would have difficulties in getting arrangements in place.

You say that you see your siblings once a month so presumably they have seen your baby and are close to you. Perhaps they are not inclined to a religious ceremony and, if you are all close, attendance at a christening is neither here nor there, your closeness won't change?

I've travelled long distance to go to a Christening/Baptism. I would rather go to a Christening than a wedding any day but then I really don't like weddings.

It was rude of them not to let you know, I hope you have a lovely day.

My DB and SIL have always been invited to the childrens christening in our home town, they live 5 hours away in Cardiff. It wasn't a summons by no means and on one of the children's christenings they were up able to attend due to a car crash. I wasn't upset by it. They arrange visits where possible but it is a big journey and expensive one to make so I can understand it being a lot for your sibling for a christening which is by no means the same comparison as a wedding.

If they can't afford it then there's nothing they can do. I understand having it close to your elderly, frail inlaws, quite right but you can't expect your siblings to be able to make it if it's going to cost them money they don't have to spend.

They should have told you, and it's a lovely thought to have it near your PILs, but I wouldn't spend so much time travelling all that way for a family christening. Unless you are all deeply religious it sounds a bit much to expect them to.

I am going to disagree with the majority and say I think they should be making the effort. My family and in laws both live in opposite directions about 3-4 hours away. Both made the effort to come to our christening. Friends we only invited godparents but family I do think should make an effort.

Are they Christian? I wouldn't expect anybody who didn't share the faith to attend a Christening.

I also think it depends just how far you mean by the other end of the country? Is it a 4 hour drive? 6 hours? 10? 12? Is cheap accommodation available in the area? Have you suggested reasonable places for them to stay? Will they need to stay one night or two? Will they need time off work?

Realistically travelling the length of the country may well mean travelling up the day before, spending two nights in a hotel and travelling home the day after. It may mean using at least one day of annual leave on top of the financial costs of petroleum/ accommodation. Unless they're asked to be Godparents or unless their faith is very strong I wouldn't expect people to do that.

I would not go to a christening where I would need to save to go. YABU

I would've done anything possible to go to my sister's children's christenings (except they weren't!).

But I wouldn't expect anyone who was skint to do the same for mine. A others have said, christenings aren't like weddings and are, usually, much smaller affairs.

"heartbroken" OP?

Christenings are a pain in the arse when they aren't a long (expensive) drive away. It was your choice to have it at the other end of the country.

If they're not rolling in cash, why would you expect them to spend what little they do have on flights just for a christening?

What's next? A trip to Spain for the first birthday? Hong Kong for the second birthday?