family missing christening

[pestov]

NCd. AIBU to be pissed off that my siblings are not coming to my DD's christening? They were warned when I was pregnant that it would likely be near my OH's family (other end of the country) and were told the actual date almost 6 months ago so they could book and save if necessary. It's only today when I asked where they were staying that all 3 of them admitted they still hadn't booked anything, and were probably too skint to come! It's in 2 weeks and I'm heartbroken. I have already paid the deposit for the restaurant as none of them even hinted they might not make it, I see them each about once a month and none are even entertaining the idea of going without their OHs & DCs.

I also wouldn't expect anyone to travel a long way or save up to attend a baptism.

Why are you having it there?

I see the christening as between you and your pastor and your fellow congregation members, not something outsiders would attend. I am not religious and would not attend such a ceremony. My BIL recently declined to attend his grandchild's christening as he is non religious. it was not seen as a big deal.

Enjoy the occasion with your church family.

As an aside, I think there is more and more of this. Stag weeks in Spain, engagement parties and presents, Christening presents and parties, people expecting anyone other than the couple to be interested in an anniversary. I wish people could chill and enjoy themselves without all the fuss.

I'm turning into an old curmudgeon.

Sorry, please disregard last question - just re-read your posts and seen the point about your DH's elderly parents.

I'm afraid I still think it's U to expect your siblings to travel and save for a baptism. I would suggest asking your priest to carry out a blessing during the usual Sunday service, and asking your siblings to attend that and then a small tea party.

If your DC becoming a Christian is important to you you shouldn't need anyone there
Christening is not social event

Christening is not social event

Completely disagree. Baptism is the welcome of a child into a community.

There's a prevailing opinion on MN that those of different religions or none don't have to attend baptisms if it makes them uncomfortable. I respect this but I've never encountered it in real life; my DC's baptisms were attended by atheist, Hindu and Jewish friends as well as by members of our church.

I wouldn't travel for a christening. Did you give them a formal invite or was it a casual invitation? They might have nit realised that you wanted firm numbers.

It's interesting they all declined at the same time.

Perhaps you could have a smaller 'do' in your home time at a later date.

I think it's very odd not to do it at your local church. The whole point is welcoming your child into the community. The other church is not your community it is miles away.

None of my family came to our children's christenings. Too far away and they don't go to church anyway. We have christenings during the service anyway so the church is always full. I don't really see the point of a separate christening.

its an invitation, not a summons.

I travelled 300 miles to my nieces Christening. I was Godmother though. Ignore some people on here. I think having it near your in laws is a lovely, kind thing to do and they will be so pleased to be part of it. I think your siblings are being a bit unreasonable as you gave lots of notice and if they were not intending to go then they should have informed you.

Christening are important to people who are regular attenders and have nothing to do with birthdays, anniversarys etc.

Do your siblings realise none of them are going. Perhaps if they realise how disappointed you are then at least one set will make the effort. If not ring the restaurant and change the booking now and there shouldn't be a problem. Or could your OH invite some old friends to join you?
I hope you have a lovely day.
It is lovely to hear of a baby being Christened for the right reasons. Locally our priest had to stop having them in Mass because of the lack of respect of the service by people who really just wanted an excuse for a party. Loads of them talked through the service, were on mobile phones and kids running about the church with no attempt to control them ( eg. Touching chalice, running upstairs to organ/ choir area.) and now it is after Mass. We never see them again either except for Communion Day.

MrsTerryPractchett, I don't think you are curmudgeonly; I agree with what you're saying.

Some people just have to make as much a meal out of everything as they can. It's just pure attention-seeking. I balked at OP warning everybody when she was pregnant... that is just the most self-absorbed thing, it really is.

We don't do this in my family; we extend invitations to everybody and whoever wants to come, does. There's no bad feeling if they don't want to. If somebody wants to but can't afford it, we try to help out. That's it really.

'They were warned'

Wasn't really a great start to the invite.

Maybe they don't share such a religious background, faith etc as you and your immediate family.

They are not God parents I'm guessing? I really wouldn't push it if they can't afford to come.

Yes They were warned doesn't sound great, sorry OP.
My OHs family make a huge deal out of occassions like this, and I have a real problem with the expectation to attend something like this, especially a Christening.

I would be very reluctant to attend a Christening, full stop. But that's because I believe a child doesn't inherit faith like they inherit eye colour... that's for another thread. I don't think you should assume it's important to them just because it's important to you. Factor in that it's far away and they are broke, and yes, YAB a bit U. Put it aside and enjoy your day.

I have, several times travelled the length of the country for a Christening and was very happy to do so.

Our best friends and siblings did an 8 hour journey (with small children) to attend my babies Christening and again were quite happy to do so.

I don't think you are unreasonable for hoping or indeed expecting that they would attend.

I assume you sent out a formal invitation? Did they RSPV?

If they replied to say that they were coming and have now pulled out that is pretty poor form and YANBU to be a bit hurt.

However you also need to put it in perspective. You will have a lovely day with your in laws and the members of your family that do come. Focus on that, not on those that can't make it.

We have several nieces and nephews on DH's side. All have been christened. All were 300+ miles from where we live. We went to one. (Don't agree with the principle of a christening, especially when it would cost so much to attend.)

Because of the way the OP's post is written, I suspect that it wasn't a 'free and easy invitation', it might well have come across as a 'command' with very heavy expectation placed on attendance from the OP. That is a recipe for disaster. I suspect, the siblings feel pressurised to attend but they don't want to and I think you should let up on an RSVP, it's too formal for your family.

Maybe change the restaurant booking to a firm x-number and possible y-number that way, it's covered and there's no need to rally people into attending.

OP, if you do come back to your thread; you have good relationships with your siblings, you see them each month and that's very positive. Don't make this 'event' into a drama, it doesn't need to be. Enjoy the christening with your in laws, take photos and remember the special day.

Please don't apply emotional blackmail to your siblings like saying that you're "heartbroken" because that's an overreaction and would be very unfair. I realise that you've only posted that here so perhaps it was just a vent but don't let it take on a life of its own.

I can appreciate that this is important to you, but to those who don't share the faith Christenings do not register in the same way. I don't really 'do' Christenings so wouldn't really travel to one. If it was really important to my sister I would try though.

If they are broke, they are broke. There's very little that they can do about that I'm afraid.

Could you have a blessing at a church near them after the Christening so that they can be part of welcoming your child into your faith?

Why? Why do they need to have a pseudo-christening as well? Is this a new 'thing'? If they can't attend the christening proper then they can't. If they're not religious and/or don't attend they why do they need to welcome the child into the faith'? That's just bizarre. Siblings are regular visitors with OP anyway.

We don't have pseudo-weddings (I hope!) where the ceremony is recreated, nor pseudo-funerals...

I didn't send out formal invites - didn't seem right for close family. I said warned in my OP as I didn't want people to think it was a surprise to have it away. His siblings and parents are delighted as they expected to travel to us.
Journey is about 8 hours in car but we will be flying, Christening is on a Saturday. We gave them a list of cheap B&Bs once we had the date confirmed, although the Godmother (my local friend) is staying in the closest city for a few days and making a holiday out of it.
And I am genuinely heartbroken, though I haven't told them as such, it's all playing out over group email at the moment.

I don't see why you are "heartbroken". I wouldn't give up an entire weekend and hundreds of pounds to attend a christening. Also, the christening is mean to welcome the child to their local congregation surely, not one 8 hours away, so even less reason to attend. It seems very demanding of you I'm afraid, unless of course you have offered to pay / accommodate

Thank you OP for explaining.

Your siblings obviously don't want to attend, be it down to finances or down to extra fuss in getting partners and their children there also.

You've done all that you can - given them a list of B&Bs and asked them to attend - that's it now. You'll have to let them make their decision and try not to be too disappointed if they can't be there.

It sounds as if you have a good relationship with all of your siblings anyway so they will have a relationship with your baby as he/she grows up. That's worth more than attendance at a one-off event, in my opinion,

You're going to have a wonderful day with another branch of your family and you can see your siblings when you return. Why are you heartbroken?