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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child Maintenance stopped because he took them on holiday

52 replies

Obliviated · 10/06/2016 21:04

Weekly child maintenance payment didn't go into the bank today. Private arrangement, not through CSA or whatever its called now. Text ex to ask why the money hadn't gone in and he says he cancelled it because he took them on holiday last week so I didn't have financial responsibility for the Dc, so why should he pay when he had them.

Is he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/06/2016 21:06

Did your landlord stop asking for rent? Because expenses carry on, they don't stop for a one off.

EveryoneElsie · 10/06/2016 21:07

Yes. And a twat.
Did you have the gas and electricity disconnected? Did you take the opportunity to do some spring cleaning, wash curtains or clothes, that sort of thing?

Can you get an arrangement through the courts after this?

LittleMissBossyBoots · 10/06/2016 21:07

Did he provide all their clothes, toys and toiletries while they were away?

ThatStewie · 10/06/2016 21:08

He's taking the piss

AnyFucker · 10/06/2016 21:08

You have a private arrangement ?

There is your answer.

MrsSpecter · 10/06/2016 21:09

Does he think child support is literally only for food? Confused

RubyGoat · 10/06/2016 21:11

I'm assuming your rent/mortgage payment didn't go down for the week just because their rooms were unoccupied. What an idiot (him not you).

Original poster
Obliviated · 10/06/2016 21:12

I haven't replied to him because I was still picking my jaw up off the ground. There's no point me even trying to talk to him really, he's an arsehole at the best of times.

I think that going through the CSA might be my best option, although he won't react well (and I'm not sure whether he will have to pay less too, but at least it will be consistent). He currently pays £70 per week (£35 per child). I don't know what he earns, so can't use the calculator to check.

OP posts:
Ratbagcatbag · 10/06/2016 21:12

Taking the piss totally. He in theory should pay a reduction based on how many nights he has then averaged over the year. So it should always be paid.

Original poster
Obliviated · 10/06/2016 21:14

He did take most of the things they needed from his own house. The DC stay over night every other weekend.

OP posts:
glenthebattleostrich · 10/06/2016 21:15

Respond with -

When working out maintenance
, times the children were with the other parent. This was then averaged across the year to make 52 equal weekly payments, therefore payment is due and if it is not forthcoming then you will contact CMS.

or alternatively, text him - stop being a wanker and pay up.

Original poster
Obliviated · 10/06/2016 21:23

I just sent him Glen's text. He replied 'its what I've always done' which makes no sense what so ever and then followed it up with a rant about him buying them trainers.

I will call the CSA on Monday and get the ball rolling.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/06/2016 21:25

Good plan.

Pearlman · 10/06/2016 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glenthebattleostrich · 10/06/2016 21:37

Good. They are open 9-4 tomorrow too.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 10/06/2016 21:37

A person who is vile enough to stop payment because of this reason and has a private arrangement where you have no idea of income details is highly unlikely to be assesed as needing to pay less.

There will be a reason you don't know his income and there will be a reason why a private arrangement is desirable to him

YounicorneNumbers · 10/06/2016 21:44

Hello OP.

OK, there a couple of things you need to understand before you start going down the CMEA route (Their new name Hmm). The first is that you will have to pay for the privilege of having the money collected. This is a nominal sum - think it's about 20 quid - but on top of that you will have a percentage "docked" from your maintenance if they collect it from your ex and give it to you (for example, they pay 100 quid per week, you get 98.00) This has been brought in to "encourage" private CM arrangements - the reality is just one more kick in the vadge for single mothers (or RP as I've learned is the correct nomenclature) don't get me started.

IME, it was worth it, initially. I paid the fee and they forced my ex to start paying...until he moved and changed his bank details and now I'm right back where I was when I started.

Which is in nowhere Money Town.

I would definitely say that going through the CMEA gives you more power to get what you deserve but there are also pitfalls - such as my situation. I knew once I took the CM into a "legal" realm that my ex would fight me and never give me another penny willingly (not that he ever had - I had nothing to lose), and then you lose any sort of control or goodwill.

It's all so disgusting. I can't believe that I'm here cautioning LP against using the system which was originally set up to help us, but I have to confess that the CMEA is no better than the CSA were and we're fucking PAYING FOR IT. (incidentally I screamed about this new legislation on MN before it became law. I begged MN to make it a campaign point. Chuchh)

Original poster
Obliviated · 10/06/2016 21:47

I'm not entirely sure why I expected him to be reasonable, after all, if he was a decent person I wouldn't have left him.

I didn't realise they were open tomorrow, the sooner the better. He was always a controlling prick, but seeing as he lost all that he seems to have decided to try and dictate to me in this way instead. You'd think he would have learnt by now that I don't stand for his crap anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
Obliviated · 10/06/2016 21:48

What a crap system. Like lone parents don't have it hard enough already Shock

OP posts:
clarrrp · 10/06/2016 21:56

The amount he is pay you, and assumig they stay over with him 2 nights a fortnight, the amount he is paying is consistent with someone earning £30,000

If he is earning more than this then you may be entitled to more, but if he is earning less and you claim through the CSA then you could end up with less.

clarrrp · 10/06/2016 22:00

I would definitely say that going through the CMEA gives you more power to get what you deserve but there are also pitfalls - such as my situation. I knew once I took the CM into a "legal" realm that my ex would fight me and never give me another penny willingly (not that he ever had - I had nothing to lose), and then you lose any sort of control or goodwill.*

In my day job I unfortunately see a lot of shitty ex partners - some who constantly change jobs, or move to avoid paying.

Sometimes it's possible to have maintenance deducated from their salary, but that takes time and a lot of wrangling.

That said, some employers are great about it - once had a client who's ex was a soldier and wouldn't pay maintenance when they were divorcing. He got pulled up by his CO - the army takes things like that very seriously.

Original poster
Obliviated · 10/06/2016 22:01

They stay on a Friday and Saturday night every other weekend. He earns much less than that, I would hazard a guess at it being around £23,000 ish going by the average wage for the job he does.

He pays £5 per day, per child. I'm genuinely shocked that he would have to pay less than that when I go through the CSA, it barely covers packed lunch and an ice cream after school each.

OP posts:
YounicorneNumbers · 10/06/2016 22:13

It's worth you contacting them in the first instance - another note is that I have to keep a list of the security questions and the answers in my purse. The list is long and exhaustive and should you forget an answer your account is frozen and you will have to reset all of the answers again...

I'm not joking. It's a seven digit pin followed by 8 security questions - EIGHT! - including questions such as "Who is your favourite singer?" And "what is your memorable event?"

It's a foul, disgusting system that is utterly tilted in the favour of the non paying NRP.

However, they do have the power to garnish wages - which is great if your ex is in a PAYE job. They also have the power to take funds directly from bank accounts. This is all helpful when you are utterly estranged - although once this starts, Arse NRP do tend to switch bank accounts and change jobs.

Sorry OP - I would urge you to come to an arrangement with the ex. I hate to tell you to suck it up, I truly fucking HATE it; but I would equally hate to tell you to go to an agency to force his hand when my experience is that the hand that is forced will close completely.

Is it fair? FUCK NO. Is it right? ABSOLUTELY NO. sadly it's our reality right now.

OhMyGoddess · 10/06/2016 22:22

Ugh, I hear you OP. It's such a slog to get a fair contribution from these men. My exh is paying me £11 a week at the moment for our 13 yo daughter. The £11 doesn't even cover her weekly bus fare to school.

starry0ne · 10/06/2016 22:31

I get £5 a week and I bet he feels hard done by too. wouldn't know not seen him in years.