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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child Maintenance stopped because he took them on holiday

52 replies

Obliviated · 10/06/2016 21:04

Weekly child maintenance payment didn't go into the bank today. Private arrangement, not through CSA or whatever its called now. Text ex to ask why the money hadn't gone in and he says he cancelled it because he took them on holiday last week so I didn't have financial responsibility for the Dc, so why should he pay when he had them.

Is he being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SelinaMeyerVP · 10/06/2016 22:45

It would have been courtesy for him to let you know BEFORE the holiday/non payment.

YounicorneNumbers · 10/06/2016 23:11

Betting that the daily mail don't pick up this thread.

Wolfiefan · 10/06/2016 23:18

£5 a week? That is an absolute fucking joke. I can't believe some of the comments on here. Surely NRP should contribute more. Madness. I would dread to figure out how much lone parents pay out because
NRP pays so little.
What a shit system!

smilingeyes11 · 10/06/2016 23:25

they will charge £20 to open a case, unless you are a victim of DV and then it will be free. They will calculate how much he has to pay you and ask him to pay you that direct. If he refuses they will then do an attachment to earnings if he is paye. They will then charge him an extra 20% on top and you 4%. It took a year from opening a claim for me to receive the first installment. If the arrears are great they can claim up to 40% of his wages. I hope, unlike my ex, yours doesn't quit his job and vanish as soon as the attachment to earnings have been actioned. Bitter moi?

The system is utterly woeful. Regardless of his feelings children still need housing and feeding. The CSA told me if he doesn't pay then they could remove driving licence, passport or even put him in prison. I am not holding my breath for any of those to happen. Often it isn't about the money any more - just the principle. Who would not only walk out on their kids but then decide they don't want to pay any more and get away with it. I fear the CSA or whatever they are called now are an utterly toothless tiger. It is a long hard road to get a penny and I found it incredibly upsetting and ultimately futile.

YounicorneNumbers · 10/06/2016 23:54

smilingeyes - I was Lso told that the removal of the driving license and passport were a possibility. My ex is over 10K in arrears and I know they've given up...should I call them again to chivvy them along? CAN I BE ARSED?

"His account is closed"
"He is no longer at his address"

It all sounds like "YOU PAY. PAY UP BITCH, YOU HAD THE KIDS..YOU. PAY"

clarrrp · 10/06/2016 23:59

*They stay on a Friday and Saturday night every other weekend. He earns much less than that, I would hazard a guess at it being around £23,000 ish going by the average wage for the job he does.

He pays £5 per day, per child. I'm genuinely shocked that he would have to pay less than that when I go through the CSA, it barely covers packed lunch and an ice cream after school each.*

If he earns about £23k (and assuming his pension is 5% - earnings are considered to be after pension contributions before tax and NI) then he would only have to pay you about £55 or so quid a week.

You didn't say if he had any other kids in which case the amount he is required to pay will go down again.

clarrrp · 11/06/2016 00:05

Honestly, at £70 a week (three and half grand a year) you are in a much better position than many of the women I see every day - where their ex is in benefits and pays £7 a week no matter how many kids they have (346 quid a year)

redannie118 · 11/06/2016 00:13

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, and so we've agreed to take this down now.

GabsAlot · 11/06/2016 00:34

i think if it works out they stay 52 nights a year there can be a reduction-but he should have dicussed with u first before deciding he wasnt going to pay up

YounicorneNumbers · 11/06/2016 00:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DarkDarkNight · 11/06/2016 00:40

clarrrp it makes no difference if the OP is better off than somebody who only receives £7 a week. She is not complaining about the amount she receives.

The ex should not have stopped the payment just because he took the kids on holiday. The OP still needs to keep the house going in that time.

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 11/06/2016 00:44

clarrrp it's not a race to the bottom. This pathetic excuse of a man isn't covering his children's basic needs; food, shelter and heat. The fact that other men are even worse is not relevant to the OP's situation. He is punishing her and punishing their children.

redannie118 · 11/06/2016 00:50

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, and so we've agreed to take this down now.

ItsPank · 11/06/2016 00:53

I've had a case open with the CMS for a year. They are useless and make you jump through hoop after hoop, moving at a snail's pace while you have to wait in blocks of (?) many days at a time, before they even BEGIN TO THINK about enforcing compliance. The line most repeated to me is "we have to give him an opportunity to pay". It has been said to me dozens of times, I could almost cry with anger. I've finally been moved to 'pay and collect', with a pay date of 19th of June, only to be told in the small print that this is an 'expected' payment and all they've done is send my ex a letter to tell him to set up a standing order. Once again I have to wait a week after this date and then chase THEM up to say he has not paid, which of course after a year of nothing, he won't. I've been told after this it could take a further 4 months to obtain a deduction of earnings order. So so awful.

It is a ridiculous system which allows the NRP to get away without being financially responsible, while penalising the parent who actually takes care of the child/children. If it works for you, you are lucky, but I would urge anyone to try and come to a private agreement if at all possible (fundamentally what they want). This agency in all it's many guises is designed to put you off from bothering.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 11/06/2016 01:00

Tbh OP I'd leave it unless he does it again.

Direct Pay is basically just another private arrangement. CMS sets the rate but he pays you direct (as at present). If he doesn't pay you then have to ask CMS to collect at which point they start skimming it. If he won't pay by DP then he probably won't let CMS makes him pay and they take a cut of everything your kids get. Total bollocks.

I am just about to have my CSA DP arrangement ended to move to CMS so they can basically charge me £20 to do the same calculation they have already done.
Everytime they stick their oar in x gets unpleasant.

clarrrp · 11/06/2016 01:34

clarrrp it's not a race to the bottom.

I never said it was. I was just highlighting how unfair the maintenance system can be.

Bloody hell.

GraysAnalogy · 11/06/2016 01:36

Jesus I didn't realise just how low CM is. That's shocking.

clarrrp · 11/06/2016 01:44

Jesus I didn't realise just how low CM is. That's shocking.

It's awful how low the rates are.

GraysAnalogy · 11/06/2016 01:46

It's also disgusting how women have to bloody pay for the privilege of their child's dad paying CM.

The whole point of going through the government agency is because communication has broken down and agreements can't be paid. Charging the person who is trying to be reasonable is ridiculous! It should be the party who won't make an agreement who has to pay, if any charge is applicable at all (which I dont think there should be)

Just5minswithDacre · 11/06/2016 03:15

What red has said about CMS passwords is absolutely correct. A CMS staff member explained it to me just last week.

You might want to apologise for that outburst Younicorn

YounicorneNumbers · 11/06/2016 08:23

Apologies Red for calling you a troll.

We were speaking at cross purposes. What I should have said was that direct pay is a pointless waste of time and energy. When communication has broken down to the point of being forced to PAY someone to help you (again, totally gross) then I can't really see the benefit of them of them sending a letter asking them nicely to make a payment to you.

I'm talking about the collection "service". This takes a percentage off the fund that's are collected. Is that not true?

I'm not sure what the eight passwords are for then. If not to be used. Maybe I'm just thick (outburst)

TutanKaDashian · 11/06/2016 08:39

Straight to the CMS after this twattish behaviour, what a tightfisted arsehole. Mind you, I've had a similar experience. I put in a claim 4 years ago although I haven't had anything yet. Ex tried to claim shared care to reduce payments by 1/7 a week even though he'd had him twice overnight in 8 months and not seen him for a year before that.

AnneTwacky · 11/06/2016 09:49

Trying to look objectively, I don't think you should take the CMS route if it's only one weeks maintenance you've lost.
You would lose goodwill with your ex, potentially lose more than £70 as he's currently paying more than he has to and go through all the stress that comes with making a claim.
I think he was an arse not to pay you for that week but please don't cut your nose off to spite your face.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 11/06/2016 10:22

I have found the CMS very helpful after years of being underpaid. It was easy to apply and yes I paid £20 which I could ill afford. All you have to remember is your pin number and password when you speak to them as someone said upthread. They were extremely patient with me as I couldn't stop crying and very easy to talk to.

I know some people have had horrible experiences but not everyone has. I would advise you to put a ballpark amount through their calculator. Try a few scenarios from the very most you think he earns weekly to the very least.

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 11/06/2016 10:24

And I agree with Anne. It does sound as though he is giving you a reasonable amount given his earnings.

He was v v unreasonable to stop it for a week though.