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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Grandparents, Interfering, Relationship breakdown

75 replies

AdrianneL24 · 27/05/2016 16:11

So quick back track, our DS is just five weeks old and at four days old his paternal grandmother chose to start stirring the pot and creating drama with my parents, my partner and i chose to not get involved as we had enough on our plate and it was all very childish. however it continued to escalate and get very nasty until at 9days old i had no choice but to put my foot down and demand it stop as it was not fair. my partners sister then decided to pick up where his mother left off causing more trouble. I eventually said i wanted nothing to do with them and that they wouldn't be left responsible for the baby, i didnt want them coming to the house as i have DD to a previous relationship and they had made nasty comments about her too. Both his mum and his sister insisted that they were coming to the house and turned up over two consecutive days, i told my partner i was leaving and taking the kids to my mums as it was unfair that we couldnt even sit in our home without them causing trouble. He then rang his sister and they both blocked the door and refused to let me leave, i rang my mum to come to the house so his sister rang the police saying it was a domestic and i was kidnapping my own son. since this my partner and i have separated and i have left the house, we are resolving things between us but he keeps asking if his mum can have the baby, ive repeatedly said he can take the baby to see her and stay with him, but i dont want him leaving in her care. She has now said she will seek legal advice to have my son on his own and my partner is in agreement with her ... can somebody tell me if they can do that as i have not stopped contact just do not my child leaving with her until apologies are made and she rebuilds the trust she has broken

OP posts:

Hodooooooooor · 27/05/2016 16:14

No, she has no rights of access. But your real problem is with him, not with them.

fuzzywuzzy · 27/05/2016 16:15

I'd get legal advice, if your partner is backing her up she may get contact.

Your aim should be your ex takes the baby to his mothers house if he wants the child to have ocntact with his mother, not that the baby has contact in addition to contact with his father where you need to give up your time with baby so the paternal grandparent gets contact.

You won't have a say in where your ex takes baby when with him.

curren · 27/05/2016 16:19

Why can't she see the baby alone?

Is it because you don't think she is capable?

Because you are punishing her for falling out with your parents?

diddl · 27/05/2016 16:20

She has no rights but my goodness, where is your partner in all of this?

What did he say/do when you were accused of kidnapping?

Obviously if he is OK with your son being in her care there is nothing you can do if he takes him & leaves him.

Quite why she would need legal advice is beyond me!

ollieplimsoles · 27/05/2016 16:22

She can try and get it together to get access but its likely to be thrown out or she won't be able to afford it.

Grandparents luckily have no rights.

However, your partner needs to sort himself out. I would feel very trapped by him, why isn't he backing you up? His mother treated you badly.

Hodooooooooor · 27/05/2016 16:22

curren maybe because they are nasty to her kid, stopped her leaving her house, called the police on her, sat in her house uninvited...etc etc. If you think its just because mil fell out with OP's parents, you haven't RTFT.

ollieplimsoles · 27/05/2016 16:24

Obviously if he is OK with your son being in her care there is nothing you can do if he takes him & leaves him.

Don't let him take your son.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/05/2016 16:24

If this was a 5 year old I'd agree with you curren but I don't think a 5 week old needs to be away from their primary carer.

ollieplimsoles · 27/05/2016 16:25

Op you should consider if the relationship is worth it, your partner sounds controlling

curren · 27/05/2016 16:26

HOD I have read the thread, thanks.

The Op stopped her having the child on her own before the police incident. I am just trying to establish what's happening.

The OP said I eventually said i wanted nothing to do with them and that they wouldn't be left responsible for the baby -this was before the police were called.

Because if she is capable of looking after the baby, I don't see how the OP can stop her dp leaving the baby with his mother, when the baby is in her care.

Perhaps her DP, thinks his mother wasn't completely to balme for what happened between his mum and ops mum.

curren · 27/05/2016 16:27

testing I agree. But the OP seems to disagree. It's shouldn't be an issue right now anyway. But it obviously is.

Hodooooooooor · 27/05/2016 16:28

The Op stopped her having the child on her own before the police incident. I am just trying to establish what's happening

The baby was NINE days old. You think there is some sinister reason a woman didn't leave her 9 day old baby alone at grannys house?

myownprivateidaho · 27/05/2016 16:28

I agree that you need legal advice. If you can't afford a reputable family solicitor, Google your local citizens advice bureau who provide free advice and might be able to put you in touch with other free services in your area. Agree that in the meantime you should not let any of these people take the baby. You can call the police if they come over to your house.

curren · 27/05/2016 16:32

Hod Ffs why don't you was the thread.

I don't know why they are arguing about who can have the baby on trot own at this point. But I am asking why the op said " I eventually said i wanted nothing to do with them and that they wouldn't be left responsible for the baby "

Yes the baby was a few days old, so why would 'you aren't looking after the baby' be thrown about at that time. Either the Op was planning on leaving the baby with her at some point soon or she said it in retaliation.

I am trying to find out why the OP felt the need to say this when the baby was so small.

curren · 27/05/2016 16:33

Bloody hell that should say 'why don't you read the thread'

Hodooooooooor · 27/05/2016 16:41

Or, most likely (and rather obviously) the mil was asking, nagging about having the baby?

You seem intent on trying hard to discover some reason other than the stonkingly obvious ones already present. Whats that about then?

ollieplimsoles · 27/05/2016 16:41

I am trying to find out why the OP felt the need to say this when the baby was so small.

She felt backed into a corner by them with a young baby, it was probably a way of getting them to back off, but a bit in retaliation.

FrancisdeSales · 27/05/2016 16:42

It seems that the OP was under intense pressure from the ILs to leave a newborn baby with them. Who puts a mother under that kind of pressure? Baby and mother need to bond and crave each other's presence. Never in a million years can someone justify having tantrums and insisting a mother hand her baby over just to serve their own desires and needs. What the mother and baby need seems to be coming dead last.

The OP is still in recovery and she is having to deal with all this ridiculous stress which cannot be good for her and therefore the baby. Her DP is not establishing firm boundaries and protecting his family from interference.

Who accuses a mother of kidnapping her own newborn? This situation is insane. Thank goodness the OP defended herself and got away. She needs to take care of herself and her NEWBORN baby.

Furiosa · 27/05/2016 16:46

Holy shit! These people sound crazy!

Is SIL in trouble for wasting police time?

They physically stopped you from leaving the house! What kind of people do that?!

OP I think you might need a restraining order. I wouldn't ever want to be alone with these two ever again.

curren · 27/05/2016 16:51

I am not intent on anything. I asked a question. I didn't realise that was insisting anything.

I haven't said the OP is unreasonable. I am trying to find some stuff out.

I asked a question, you came in declaring I hadn't read the thread. When in fact you were wrong. All my subsequent posts have been to you.

MistressDeeCee · 27/05/2016 16:51

I read so many threads on here and wonder HOW it is possible for men with lethal parents and siblings appear to find it easy to get a partner. Do women ignore the family car crash thats in front of their eyes?

Your ex is dangling by the neck from mummy's apron strings and is fuk all use to you

Get a restraining order OP Look after yourself and your child, and don't have anything to do with any of these people again, this is a mad situation.

StrictlyMumDancing · 27/05/2016 16:54

You definitely need legal advice on this. Your partner's mother doesn't have any rights, however I'm not sure you can stop your partner leaving your child with her. Do you have concerns for DS' safety with her? If the police have been involved over the 'kidnapping' then I assumed social services are too, in which case your social worker would be a good place to start.

To be honest though if I left my 5wo with DH and found that instead of looking after DS himself and had left DS alone with his mother I'd have serious words with him. And my DC regularly spend a day with MIL now, but at that age no way.

Notagainmun · 27/05/2016 16:56

Are you end as no court in the land would agree to even the father taking the baby away so young

kitkat1968 · 27/05/2016 16:57

So what did they actually do wrong in the first place to start all this off?

Notagainmun · 27/05/2016 16:57

EBF even

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