Grandparents, Interfering, Relationship breakdown

[AdrianneL24]

Hi

So quick back track, our DS is just five weeks old and at four days old his paternal grandmother chose to start stirring the pot and creating drama with my parents, my partner and i chose to not get involved as we had enough on our plate and it was all very childish. however it continued to escalate and get very nasty until at 9days old i had no choice but to put my foot down and demand it stop as it was not fair. my partners sister then decided to pick up where his mother left off causing more trouble. I eventually said i wanted nothing to do with them and that they wouldn't be left responsible for the baby, i didnt want them coming to the house as i have DD to a previous relationship and they had made nasty comments about her too. Both his mum and his sister insisted that they were coming to the house and turned up over two consecutive days, i told my partner i was leaving and taking the kids to my mums as it was unfair that we couldnt even sit in our home without them causing trouble. He then rang his sister and they both blocked the door and refused to let me leave, i rang my mum to come to the house so his sister rang the police saying it was a domestic and i was kidnapping my own son. since this my partner and i have separated and i have left the house, we are resolving things between us but he keeps asking if his mum can have the baby, ive repeatedly said he can take the baby to see her and stay with him, but i dont want him leaving in her care. She has now said she will seek legal advice to have my son on his own and my partner is in agreement with her ... can somebody tell me if they can do that as i have not stopped contact just do not my child leaving with her until apologies are made and she rebuilds the trust she has broken

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

op

Have you registered the baby yet?

[notapizzaeater]

Sounds horrific, run away fast !

Speak to a solicitor/ womans aid as soon as you can to find out what you legally can do

[CodyKing]

I wondered if the baby was registered - he needs to sign for parental rights - where are you now OP? Are you safe with support?

[ThatStewie]

This is the phone number of the national domestic violence support line: 0808 2000 247

[AdrianneL24]

The baby is already registered with the fathers details too ... Im now being taken to court for slander and for her to try to be granted permission to have my child alone what is the likleyhood of her getting this ... The slander thing was due to a quote i had shared about people being controlling i didnt mention names or anything like that but somebody screenshotted the post and sent if to her saying id been slagging her off on facebook which isnt true i do that in the privacy of my home not on social media

[Gazelda]

Jesus, the woman is bonkers! How are you feeling through all of this? I'd be very surprised if it wasn't causing you stress, which isn't good for any new mother or her child.

Can you stop all contact with your in laws and tell your DP that he's welcome to visit you and the baby at your parents house, but due to the upset that has been happening, you're going to prioritise giving the baby a settled few months.
Are there any of the in laws that you can trust to mediate?
Ignore all of the talk about lawyers and court. It is doubtless bluff.

[ThatStewie]

Please phone Rights of Women today. They are a legal rights organisation with specialist lawyers. They can give you proper advice

[Craftylittlething]

AdrianneL24 I'm sorry your going through this with a tiny new born and hope for everyone's sake you find some resolution and peace soon. Having been through very similar and literally spending years in and out of court. My advice is to take this seriously, keep a note of everything. The baby's dad is likely to get access initially just for a few hours away from you but that will increase.Get a good lawyer that you trust and contact www.childrenslegalcentre.com for advice.
Please take care of yourself and enjoy your baby in amongst this craziness.

[wheresthetea]

Trying to take you to court for slander based on a facebook post where she isn't even named would do nothing except cost her a huge amount of money. No lawyer would touch that with a bargepole. Ignore ignore ignore.

[Inertia]

I think you need to call the police over the threats of violence.

[HighDataUsage]

I'd seek legal advice about the whole situation. I think there's something that you can do to prevent your ex from leaving the country with your baby.

I would also insist that your ex sees the child in your home or a contact centre. There could be a risk of the baby being left alone with the paternal grandma if the father took the baby to his mum's house.

[Cheby]

She's just trying to intimidate you into handing your son over.

How well off is she? Because unless she has significant funds she's not going to be able to take you to court for anything. And the random things she's threatening you with demonstrate that she doesn't have any understanding of the court process anyway. Grandparents have no rights of access, unless there is a pre existing established relationship. There isn't one here.

If I were you, I would allow access for your ex partner in your presence at your mother's house, preferably when your mother is there. You do not need to be separated from such a young baby. It's ridiculous.

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

'your honour, I want my DiL to hand over her five week old baby for me to have, alone, y'know like parental rights. Make her do it!'

Uhm.... no, that's insane.

However. You need to start getting evidence together now, and get yourself and your child protected. The advice here is good. Women's Aid. Police. Talk through them preventing you leaving the house - that very likely did constitute an offense - and seriously talk with them about a restraining order. Share any texts or evidence you have. And most importantly ring your Health Visitor and explain all this and emphasise how you are feeling and the stress you're under. I suspect the HV will not agree with this at all and will be concerned for your mental health, post natal depression risks and there are arguably child protection issues about the child being potentially removed from you while causing you high distress and used for MiL to play mummies and control games with. I suspect HV will also be concerned that not only has your relationship broken down as a result of this, meaning you are single parenting, but you're under pressure from him too on his mother's behalf.

The HV will have access to support, to lines to report concerns, to ensure that there is evidence in a court that makes clear MiL is unbalanced and happily risking the child's mother's wellbeing and the child's primary needs to meet her own wants. And to make sure you're ok. You can also walk into any children's centre and share this is happening to you and the baby and they will talk to you about the support they can offer.

[MammaTJ]

Just laugh at them!! Seriously, saying you are being done for slander, when you didn't even mention her name is laughable!

Also, going for access of a baby that young is nonsense! Grandparents have no rights, although the court might consider the rights of the child where there is an established relationship and losing that would be harmful for the child, which there is not in this case.

[Onlyicanclean10]

Op they are al wind and piss as my dm would say.

Slander is usually something really stupid ignorant people think is actually be going to taken seriously.

I would seek legal advice, the first hour is often free and see what they say. They involved the police so why don't you also involve them and tell them what happened. Stress you are scared for your and your babies safety.

Personally I would include your partner in this as he's colluding with violent people.

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

I think it was the original intent that grandparents would have court support to continue a pre existing relationship - however from what I've seen and heard it seems to be suffering from 'mission creep'. There are courts who buy into the 'the child is entitled to a relationship with GPs' and 'the squabbles are between the adults and the child shouldn't be denied GPs because of them' line of thinking, and a poster mentioned on MN on a thread the other day that her highly toxic PiL had successfully used this to gain a court order for a weekend a month contact with her children. It's not difficult to google solicitors advertising 'grandparents' rights' to help GPs get court ordered access.

Its very important to have evidence of this person's behaviour and lack of consideration for the child or the child's primary carer, and to have professional involvement and back up that would help a court establish what is just family squabbles and what is batshit.

[Onlyicanclean10]

And yes grandmother will have no rights whatsoever over a 9 day old baby. Silly bitch.

[AdrianneL24]

Thankyou all so much for your responses HV came today and was very concerned about living arrangments as theyre nine of us in a three bed she expressed a father who sees his newborn homeless to please his mother is unlikely to gain much in access but also put me in touch with a mediator and helped me map out the key events off the last few weeks hopefully something good will come of it .... Its been a struggle and bonding with baby has become difficult under the pressure but its DD i feel for she is three in july and very aware something is amiss she was uprooted from her home and had formed a relstionship with my partner and his parents and now she is asking where they are and when were going home im so upset that theyve thrown her under the bus because theyre are angry that im standing my ground. Simple things like asking how she is ect. My ex came round to see the baby and barely said two words to her the whole time he was here, shes struggled adjusting to the baby anyway and she ran over whilst he was holding him and he shouted at her to not go near him

[clarrrp]

So sorry to hear about the trouble you are having here, but honestly, stand your ground. I've had my fair share of issues with in laws being controlling and taking over and not seeing to realise that not many people really want to leave their NEWBORN with someone alone, no matter who they are.

You mentioned that this woman has prevbious convictions for violence - in that case, and given the extreme reaction such as physically barring you from leaving the house - then there is NO WAY this woman is going to be granted alone time with this kid. I don't understand why she is so desperate to have the child to herself - I mean, does it matter ifher son is there too? That alone is ringing alarm bells for me.

In the meantime I would try to keep things civil between you the baby's father for the sake of the child, but be very clear about where you stand and what you will and will not be tolerating and agreeing to. Go to mediation and if this shit continues then get your solicitor and social services on it - make sure to tell social services everything - and make sure they know about teh police incident,. explain why you don't feel comofortable and teh stress it's causing you and how that's damaging your ability to bond with your child.

If I were you I would insist on contact at a contact centre for the moment - this is where both you and your ex meet under supervision at a centre with a social worker present. Just until this is sorted out.

Your priority right now is your kids. Yo don't need this kind of drama.

xx

[MeMySonAndl]

Write down everything the say and do, but keep it to facts rather than opinions.

When it comes to proving there is a pattern of abusive behaviour, rather than the occasional disagreements between MIL and DIL, a record us your best friend.

I wouldn't bother with mediation, there is no point when there is a background of control of intimidation. Don't trust the HV either, they have great intentions but they know little about law.

I truly believe that if you end in court you will get further by insisting you don't want to be separated from your very young BF baby and that you have been the victim of abuse and intimidation by your in laws.

I wouldn't even mention a request for an apology, it may mean much to you but it makes you look like a time waster and minimises the severity of the situation, this is not about apologies, it is about outing a restraining order to protect you and your child.

[Atenco]

Oh, Adrianne, I am so angry on your behalf. Just when you should be being coddled and enjoying your little family.

[AdrianneL24]

I dont want an apology i want her to take ownership for her actions and begin acting like a responsible adult ...you know someone who can be trusted to look after a child...she has proved we dont share the same moral values hence i dont want her to be reaponsible for my child. How can i be confident of the type of behaviour she will encourage and discourage in my son when A. Her own behaviour is appaling B. Her own childrens behaviour is appauling and C. Shes raised a 26yr old man whos incapable of standing up to her when shes in the wrong ... How can i expect my child to say if shes doing something wrong when her own kids cant and when somebody does she takes them to court

[MsJamieFraser]

If they are calling you directly, sending emails, texting, phoning report them to the police for harassment, seek a lawyer and if any communication is forwarded to yourself email your lawyers details to them stating any further contact has to be done via lawyer.

As for you partner, you need to seek a lawyer for this also

[MsJamieFraser]

If your on Facebook, delete them and if you have any mutual friend in common put them on restricted access, also don't write or share silly comments/quotes, be the bigger person!

[Janecc]

Your poor 3 yr old, him rejecting her because you're split. I think the two of you may benefit from some 1-2-1 time if you can leave your baby for a couple of hours with your parents. You are totally doing the right thing by leaving him. He is a spineless idiot for letting his family get away to appease your evil mil and sil.