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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not miss my children

56 replies

justabigmess · 22/05/2016 10:07

I have two ds 2&4. On the rare occasion they stop with grandparents i do not miss them not even a tiny bit! Is this bad?

I literally just fall back to how i was before i had them and kind of forget all about them.

They are both just so much hard work at the moment and i actually dread picking them up.

I am a terrible mother.

OP posts:
BonitaFangita · 22/05/2016 10:11

Of course you're not.
They're happy and safe with their grandparents, that's why you don't worry about them.
Plus you are entitled to have time to do your own thing, even when you become a mum Wink

amroc18 · 22/05/2016 10:12

Nope, you're not a bad mother. Just because you love your kids doesn't mean you should have to want to be with them 100% of the time. Enjoy your time off x

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 22/05/2016 10:13

That's not terrible. They are safe and with people who love and care for them and provably having a whale of a time! It's not like you forgot them on the bus or something...

Enjoy your child free time. I have a demanding 3yo and a clingy 18mo... I am nothing but jealous. I think you function better as a person and a mother when you have some time to look after yourself too.

AgeOfEarthquakes · 22/05/2016 10:15

Of course you're not a terrible mother.

My children haven't been with me this weekend at all. It's their contact weekend with their dad so I haven't seen them since I dropped them off at school on Friday morning. I don't miss then. They're having a nice time with someone they love and I'm having a nice time pottering about and doing 'me' things.

I'll be pleased to see them when I pick them up later but I certainly doing spend EOW pining for them.

ssd · 22/05/2016 10:15

you are lucky you have grandparents to drop them with

AgeOfEarthquakes · 22/05/2016 10:16
  • don't spend. Stupid iPad.
StealthPolarBear · 22/05/2016 10:17

Ahem this sounds familiar. My dc are now 9 and 6 and spending time with them is so much better now I don't have to be on permanent high alert.

MsVestibule · 22/05/2016 10:17

you are lucky you have grandparents to drop them with

In what way does this answer the OP's question?

Savagebeauty · 22/05/2016 10:18

Sadly had no relatives to leave ours with. But I relished every morning or afternoon they went to friends.
I had every Saturday from 1-6 off from when they were 6 weeks old as H had the morning off. Bliss.
Enjoy! Being a mother is not about being stuck like glue to your children.

ssd · 22/05/2016 10:19

its not an answer its a statement ms

MsVestibule · 22/05/2016 10:20

I never miss my DCs when I'm away from them. But then, I've never missed anybody before, I don't seem to have it in me.

I looked after a friend's DCs for a few hours when they were about that age - she cried when I brought them back 😕. I really understand where you're coming from.

Are you a SAHM?

MsVestibule · 22/05/2016 10:22

It's quite sunny where we are today, ssd. That's also a statement and about as helpful to the OP's situation as yours was.

I just don't understand why you felt the need to post it.

jimijack · 22/05/2016 10:23

I was just going through a list in my head of who I can ask to take mine off my hands for a couple of hours as I am struggling to keep my shit together today!

Just thrown away another pair of under pants due to ds pooing himself, cleaned shit off everything, thrown a washload in and found another pile from ds 1, cleaned the kitchen because they all left it in a shit heap, hoovered the living room because of the tiny bits of ripped up paper one of them decided would be fun to distribute around the place.
Taken the laptop off ds 1 as he wants to walk around with it dropping it because itis heavy...then screaming tantrums because that's what he wants to do...just carry the fucking thing.
It's been since 5.45 this morning and I have had enough.

Oh and there is no one that can give me a break for a couple of hours, so I'm biting so hard on my tongue I feel I will bite through it. If there were someone who could take him, I wouldn't think about him for a second...I too am a shit mum!

Alasalas2 · 22/05/2016 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/05/2016 10:25

Just enjoy the break and don't worry. They are hard ages.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 22/05/2016 10:26

Of course you're not. Kids are exhausting and it's nice to have a break and just be you and not mum for a few hours.

My mums having DS for a few hours this afternoon - first break for me in 5 months Smile and I'll be spending it eating delicious food while it's still hot and watching crap telly.

jimijack · 22/05/2016 10:26

Just reading back the other posts, mine is NOT a dig at not having anyone, I'm saying that I would not think about him, just like op.
I know how hard little ones are, I understand where she is coming from that's all.

HermioneJeanGranger · 22/05/2016 10:27

You're not a bad mum at all! Flowers

It's totally normal to need a break from young children - they're very demanding and require all of your time and energy. I'm sure you DO miss them on some level (otherwise you wouldn't be posting about them!) but that doesn't mean you're not enjoying the peace :)

StealthPolarBear · 22/05/2016 10:27

Yes agree. Don't add this to your list of things to feel bad about.
I know what you mean about the dread. You're so pleased to see them initially but they seem extra hard after they've been away a while (and you've got used to being able to relax). I'm afraid the answer AFAIK is to not let them go away too often or too long. I didn't follow my own advice!!

StarOnTheTree · 22/05/2016 10:32

I don't miss mine until about day 5 so virtually never. But even if one is away somewhere I still have at least one child at home. I don't know if I'd miss them if they all went away at the same time but I doubt it.

Hang on in there OP. It gets sooooo much easier as they get older despite what other people might tell you My DC are now 9, 15 and 19 and I spend weekend mornings just pottering about unless we go out.

Original poster
justabigmess · 22/05/2016 10:33

And now my MIL has just text me to say they have been so naughty! Argh why cant they just behave Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
justabigmess · 22/05/2016 10:35

Thank you everyone i did write a long post generally moaning but it seems to have dissapeared!

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 22/05/2016 10:35

That's not terribly helpful! What are you supposed to do? Does she want you to go and get them?

Sallystyle · 22/05/2016 10:38

Mine used to go to their dad's most weekends and I loved it. We did change things about when I wanted to do something fun with them etc

I didn't miss them at all and I enjoyed every minute of the break.

When they went on holiday for a week with him it felt strange and I started missing them at the end of the week and looked forward to them coming home.

I admit, I miss that they can't go round their dad's any more. I do miss the break. It was good for us all.

MrsJayy · 22/05/2016 10:38

Mil should remember what little children can be like anyway of course its fine to not miss them I never missed mine if they were away overnight

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