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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not miss my children

56 replies

justabigmess · 22/05/2016 10:07

I have two ds 2&4. On the rare occasion they stop with grandparents i do not miss them not even a tiny bit! Is this bad?

I literally just fall back to how i was before i had them and kind of forget all about them.

They are both just so much hard work at the moment and i actually dread picking them up.

I am a terrible mother.

OP posts:
murphyslaws · 22/05/2016 10:40

Can I borrow your grandparents. Smile

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 22/05/2016 10:44

I don't miss them when they are away, I do worry that they are being a PITA!

You need to develop a 'not my problem until I see them' attitude.

MIL deals with the naughty children or they will smell weakness and blood. Then it's game over man, game over.

memememe94 · 22/05/2016 10:44

YANBU and not a bad mum!

Just yesterday, I was thinking how much easier it is with DD's (6 & 9). They were outside playing with our next door neighbour's daughter. DH and I sat and had a coffee. It's such a difference to when they were young and you couldn't take your eyes off them.

Dieu · 22/05/2016 10:49

You are definitely 100% NOT BU!

Original poster
justabigmess · 22/05/2016 10:50

Oh she has form for this. If i text her while there wih her shes says 'i can manage you know i have had three kids' but then when i go and pick themup shes quick to tell me every little thing theyve done wrong urgh.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 22/05/2016 10:50

I dont think i have ever missed mine maybe when they were on a school holiday but i think i was excited for them coming home rather than missing them but never when they were little and at grans staying i also adopted the not my problem till i see them which helps

MrsJayy · 22/05/2016 10:52

You just say i know they are such a handful then say thank you for having them i really appreciate it

Badders123 · 22/05/2016 10:52

Ssd.I understand your sense of loss but your comments are not helpful and actually quite PA
It's not the ops fault your parents are no longer here.
My dad is dead, it doesn't mean I begrudge those who still have theirs.
Op...2 and 4 is bloody hard.
Mine are older 7 and 12 and it's so nice that I can actually sit down and relax if they are in the other room
They also keep themselves occupied which is lovely
It does get better, honestly!

kitkat1968 · 22/05/2016 10:56

Depends how long they re there for.If overnight -fine, if it is for a week, a little more worrying if you didn't miss them.

MaisieDotes · 22/05/2016 11:00

You would start to miss them at some point! For me it was always about the third day or so Smile

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 22/05/2016 11:00

No you're not a terrible mother at all! It's good to have that time for you and to do whatever you want to do with that time.

I really enjoy my child free time and I don't miss them when they are safe having fun with people who care about them. :)

Enjoy!

TerrorAustralis · 22/05/2016 11:01

My DC is actually pretty easy going, but I still don't miss him. When my DH goes away for work he tells me he's going to miss me, but I don't miss him either. Obviously I have a lump of coal where my heart should be.

A good friend has 3 DSs and constantly complains about how they drive her mad, but won't go away for a weekend without them and says she misses them if they stay overnight with her DPs or PILs. I just can't relate.

LittleNelle · 22/05/2016 11:03

I never miss mine while I'm at work or if they're away for a night. I've gone away for 4 days before and not really missed them!

BeauGlacons · 22/05/2016 11:05

I relished the breaks. Always thoroughly enjoyed them. Didn't really get overnighters though and when I did, I missed them but the reasons were horrid. A couple of hospital admissions, hospice with father, etc., I really missed them then. But when I got an afternoon off I was great, when I did a day's consultancy it was great, when they were at nursery it was great. When dh and I had a night away when they were 6 and 3, it was great. When they went to my mum's for a few days together when they were 5 and 8 (ish) it was great.

I miss DS now he's at uni but not the mess, not the laundry, not the industrial cooking. I'll miss DD too but ditto. I don't understand when mothers wring their hands when their children go to uni, mine were ready and I was ready to watch them grow a little more from the wings. It's normal I think.

MrsJayy · 22/05/2016 11:05

I must have a swinging brick for a heart Blush my friend misses her kids when they got out to play

Shesinfashion · 22/05/2016 11:06

Don't miss mine when they're away either. They're going to granny's for half term and I'm really looking forward to it. I do look forward to them coming back after a few days but within minutes of their arrival home they manage to annoy me.

BlueFolly · 22/05/2016 11:09

ssd's comment seems to me to be a statement of solidarity, i.e. If she had grandparents she could drop her kids off with, she's do the same.

angielou123 · 22/05/2016 11:10

I have 2 little ones, ages 7 and 2. Both boys. Both a handful. I live for the 2 days a week (tues and fri) that I get to drop them both off at school and nursery. I do not miss them at all, in fact, I love it! I wish I had grandparents to take them for the occasional night. They have grandparents, just not ones that would do overnights. Make the most of it!

Newbrummie · 22/05/2016 11:19

It's pretty normal tbh, hopefully my ex is going to take my kids every other weekend soon and I am counting down the days !!!

Badders123 · 22/05/2016 11:19

Blue
No it wasn't
I know ssd from the bereavement threads (sadly) and I know she really struggles with posters "moaning" as she sees it about their parents/pils.
As I said, I understand her pain, but her comment was really not remotely helpful.

DixieNormas · 22/05/2016 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wobblywonderwoman · 22/05/2016 11:26

you are right to enjoy your free time. I have two under three and they are generally pleasant little people but I love the occassional hour to myself. dh has brought them to church this morning while I paint fence (ahem.. I did paint for half and hour but having a sneaky coffee and mn )

in saying that, we don't leave them with my parents or dh as its all 'oh I am so tired' type comments and I just pay a babysitter as I couldn't listen to shite. you do someone a favour or you don't is my opinion.

wobblywonderwoman · 22/05/2016 11:27

dh parents not dh. he is great

babyboomersrock · 22/05/2016 11:47

I literally just fall back to how i was before i had them and kind of forget all about them

i actually dread picking them up

I'd say that degree of "not missing" is slightly concerning, OP, although so many posters have agreed with you that I'm probably the odd one out.

It's one thing to enjoy a few hours' peace and quiet - but it sounds as though you find your life really difficult. Maybe it's just the way you worded it, but if you genuinely prefer life without them, perhaps you could do with more support generally?

It's sad - for the dc too - that you dread picking them up, instead of feeling refreshed by your break.

Vixyboo · 22/05/2016 12:24

Imagine you sign up to a job that is full time plus extra hours- day and night, no sick leave and no holiday. You work that job as best you can but it is really hard work and everyone around you has an opinion on how you should be doing your job.

Imagine someone offers you a break from your job. The contract is there and all the responsibilities will be waiting for you but you can have a temporary break.

You would grab it with both handa right?

Doesn't make you bad at the job.