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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with my parents/ DH

72 replies

jeanie508 · 15/05/2016 23:09

Today my father needed to move DH's car which was parked in their driveway to get theirs out. DH gave him the keys and told him to move it. In the process of this, ny father managed to scrape the front of the car along the wall, ruining the paintwork and knocking off the number plate in the process. I was clearly very angry with my parents and said that they need to pay to have it fixed. They refused to do this, stating it is his car. Anyway, long story short this escalated into quite a fraught argument which when I tried to involve DH he simply shrugged and said "it's done, we'll just have to fix it." And refused to take my side or get involved at all. I think he is annoyed but simply isn't confrontational. AIBU to be annoyed at my parents and DH's lack of support?

OP posts:
snorepatrol · 15/05/2016 23:10

Why didn't you or your dh move the car?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2016 23:12

If DH's not bothered, or has decided it's not worth his time and energy to get worked up, and he doesn't moan behind their backs or get pissy, he's allowed not to care. Your dad's a bit of a wanker though. Is he normally that cheap and mean?

WorraLiberty · 15/05/2016 23:12

Your Dad damaged the car, not your 'parents' so I'm not sure why you're annoyed with both of them.

I think if I were your DH, I'd take a similar view.

Your Dad did him a favour and moved his car for him, it's just unfortunate that he damaged it in the process.

I don't think it's worth falling out over.

Only1scoop · 15/05/2016 23:12

'I was clearly very angry with my parents'

I'm sure they didn't do it on purpose.

anyoldname76 · 15/05/2016 23:14

accidents happen, i wouldnt fall out with my parents over that, although to be fair they would offer to pay

VimFuego101 · 15/05/2016 23:14

Is it really worth the upset of falling out with them? Your DH is probably thinking of family harmony. That said, if it were me who'd caused the damage I would apologize and offer to contribute.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/05/2016 23:17

If you're DH is genuinely that laid back about it and it's his car, I am a bit confused at why you're so angry tbh Maybe your DH thinks he should have moved it himself and that since he didn't, he can't complain about the damage?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 15/05/2016 23:19

God you sound like hard work!!

What's getting angry going to solve?

sooperdooper · 15/05/2016 23:20

Why are you angry with both your parents when your dad did the damage? Why didn't you or DH move the car?

Brokenbiscuit · 15/05/2016 23:23

Hmm, need more info.

Why was your DH's car blocking your dad's car and why didn't DH move it himself?

I think it was a bit odd to be so angry with your dad for accidentally damaging the car, but understand the annoyance at your dad not offering to pay to have it fixed. Could he easily afford this?

Really don't understand the anger towards your DH. Confused If my parents damaged DH's car, I'd be really grateful for the fact that he was that laid back about it.

Original poster
jeanie508 · 15/05/2016 23:28

Sorry I didn't explain, when I asked my dad about it, both of my parents got involved and when my father swore at me, that's when my mother got involved. They didn't initially tell me it had happened, we only noticed when we went outside. At which point I asked what had happened. It's a reasonably new car and it's worth about £70,000. It's not something that will ever be put back to perfect and to get it looking reasonably okay is going to be fairly expensive. DH is bothered but he won't have an argument. He's since told me he agrees they should fix it but they're not going to so there's little point arguing.

OP posts:
Original poster
jeanie508 · 15/05/2016 23:29

When we arrived last night DH had to park at the bottom of the drive. This morning they needed to get the car out. DH was still in pyjamas so my dad asked if he wanted him to move it to which DH said that was fine

OP posts:
willfuckformichilenstarfood · 15/05/2016 23:32

If you can afford a £70,000 I suggest you just suck up the cost of fixing it, it really isn't worth falling out with your parents over........

Xmasbaby11 · 15/05/2016 23:32

With a car that expensive, I wouldn't let anyone else near it!

Yanbu - your dad should pay. That's pretty poor.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2016 23:34

A 70K car, I wouldn't let DH near it, never mind DFiL. DF wouldn't even ask.

Is your dad usually a good driver?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 15/05/2016 23:37

If you can afford to spend £70k on a car you can afford to get some perspective.

I would be annoyed in your shoes at no owning up straight away and then not even offering to pay.

Maybe both your parents and your dh realise your parents cannot afford to repair a car costing almost 3 times the national average wage? That would explain a lot.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/05/2016 23:38

Why didn't your DH move it?
I think with cars, you either take the attitude that accidents sometimes happen or you don't let anyone else near your car ever. Your DH seems to have opted for the former approach.

Your DF was wrong to swear at you. But tbh I'm still struggling to understand why it all escalated so quickly.

I'd sleep on it and see how you all feel in the morning.

CakeNinja · 15/05/2016 23:43

Yabu for needing support for scratched paintwork and no numberplate.
It's your DHs car.
He's realised it needs fixing, if he was that bothered over the car, he would have moved it himself, even in, gasp, pyjamas.
It's a car. He didn't commit a hit and run over a human at 90mph. It was an accident. They happen.

Ricardian · 15/05/2016 23:45

It's a reasonably new car and it's worth about £70,000.

New money, my dear.

Bogeyface · 15/05/2016 23:47

What has the OP being able to afford an expensive car got to do with it?

Her dad offered to move it, damaged it, didnt fess up and then refused to accept responsibility. I would be fucking fuming!

The fact is that they can probably not afford what it will cost, but that being case he should have said so instead of (what sadly a lot of people seem to do these days) getting aggressive and defensive.

YANBU at all OP, I would be mad as hell!

BackforGood · 15/05/2016 23:47

I agree with everyone else. You sound unnecessarily angry over this.
I guess if you spend £70K on a car Shock then you aren't exactly short of the money to get it fixed. Your dh has decided it's not worth falling out over, so that's the end of it.
If it were that precious, then he would have moved it himself - PJs or not. He seems to have understood it's only a car though, and nobody is hurt, and he's keeping it in perspective - that it was done accidently, by your Dad, because he (your dh) didn't feel so strongly protective enough to motivate him to move it himself.
It's a shame, but surely not worth falling out with parents over.

TrillKitten · 15/05/2016 23:47

YANBU to be annoyed at him not owning up but I'd be more worried than angry.. is his sight okay? his health? Maybe he didn't speak up right away because he is embarrassed and maybe something is wrong. And to be angry that an accident happened is not fair. Whatever the cause I am sure your dad didn't mean to do any damage. Re paying for it .. are your parents working? retired? could they afford to help? Also being angry that your DH didn't lose his temper is a bit unreasonable. Sounds like everyone else was arguing and he just tried to keep the peace?
It's an unfortunate situation.. but I see no need to make it worse with finger pointing and feuds.

grumpysquash3 · 15/05/2016 23:48

Why not claim it on the insurance?

herecomethepotatoes · 15/05/2016 23:51

Reasonably new and worth £70k? So well over £130 new?

I'm not advocating insurance fraud but remember if you or your husband were driving there'd only the be the exceas to pay.

Your father sounds like an arse and needs to grow up. If it were me, I think I'd be angriest that he hadn't told you immediately.

Your husband sounds smart and he knows when to shut up

Original poster
jeanie508 · 15/05/2016 23:53

I'm not concerned about paying for the car, that's not the point that annoys me. Yes we can pay to have it fixed. What annoyed me was not being told and the first thing my father saying was "we're not paying for it." And yes my father could afford to have it fixed

OP posts: