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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with my parents/ DH

72 replies

jeanie508 · 15/05/2016 23:09

Today my father needed to move DH's car which was parked in their driveway to get theirs out. DH gave him the keys and told him to move it. In the process of this, ny father managed to scrape the front of the car along the wall, ruining the paintwork and knocking off the number plate in the process. I was clearly very angry with my parents and said that they need to pay to have it fixed. They refused to do this, stating it is his car. Anyway, long story short this escalated into quite a fraught argument which when I tried to involve DH he simply shrugged and said "it's done, we'll just have to fix it." And refused to take my side or get involved at all. I think he is annoyed but simply isn't confrontational. AIBU to be annoyed at my parents and DH's lack of support?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2016 23:54

I th k you are advocating insurance fraud, otherwise why say it?

Bogeyface · 15/05/2016 23:54

A lot of comments seem to be based on jealousy that the OP can afford this car. It wouldnt matter if it was £700, its the principle of the thing, the way he swore at her and refused to take any financial responsibility, even if it is a token amount because they cant afford the cost of the full repair.

Bogeyface · 15/05/2016 23:55

If he can afford it, what is his reasoning for not contributing to it?

Original poster
jeanie508 · 16/05/2016 00:00

His reasoning is that we're both working and we can afford to fix "a few scratches" which it really isn't but that's besides the point. If DF had come in and said "I've driven your car into a wall but I'll pay to have it fixed." I wouldn't have an issue at all. To be honest we'd have refused payment. But the opening gambit when we eventually figured out what had happened was "I'm not paying." I understand that accidents happen, it's the way it was handled

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 16/05/2016 00:05

Does he generally refuse to take responsibility for things?

Or could it be that he is worried about his own health/ability to drive/sight and by ignoring the fact that he just fucked up a very expensive car (by the fact that it hasnt cost him a penny) he can pretend it didnt happen.

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive · 16/05/2016 00:07

This reminds me of something. six hundred pound cashmere jumper

AcrossthePond55 · 16/05/2016 00:07

File a claim with your insurance company. Not sure about there, but here (US) the owner's insurance company would fix the car, but then go after the driver's insurance company for reimbursement.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 16/05/2016 00:08

This is where I am struggling . . . I would assume my DF hadn't noticed that he had scratched the car rather than jumping to the conclusion that he lied about it to get out of paying.

Is there a backstory that made you think he deliberately didn't tell you?

Iggi999 · 16/05/2016 00:09

Why annoyed with dh? Many would go apeshit, I think yours is approaching it in a better way.
I would be going apeshit at my parents in this scenario - they scratch the car and don't own up, then tell you to pay for it? What, are they three??

Original poster
jeanie508 · 16/05/2016 00:16

DH believes that yes, he was embarrassed about it and was trying to work out how best to tell us when we discovered it. DH really said nothing at all during the whole day and said he can't see the point in discussing it tonight either, only to add that he thinks that it would have been different if DF had damaged my car but it's humiliating because it's his SIL's

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 16/05/2016 00:18

Hang on, its not your car but your husbands brothers sisters car?

Very confused now.....:o

CallarMorvern · 16/05/2016 00:21

Sils=son in law's car.

Original poster
jeanie508 · 16/05/2016 00:21

Sorry I thought SIL meant son in law

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 16/05/2016 00:22

Ah of course, sorry! Blush

Bogeyface · 16/05/2016 00:23

Hopefully once your father has slept on it he will realise how unreasonable he has been and will offer to pay. If he doesnt then I am not sure how you can handle it but I would find it hard to just "get over it" as has been suggested above.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 16/05/2016 00:26

By SIL did you mean son-in-law? I don't understand why it merits a different response whether it's your car or your DH's. That sounds a bit sexist.

Fwiw if a family member scratched either my or DH's car, I would expect them to offer to pay for the repair too.

But I don't think an argument resolves anything especially not if your DF was embarrassed and defensive.

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 16/05/2016 00:29

Are all your interactions with people this, er, fraught?

needfemaleadvice · 16/05/2016 00:38

Op sounds to me like you're more annoyed at the behavior of your father rather than the damage itself. In future never let him touch anything that valuable again.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/05/2016 00:49

How many of the previous posters posted on the 4yo scratched my car thread?

op are you saying that you or DH saw the car walked back into the house and said something along the lines of "wtf happened to the car?" And your dads response was "I'm not paying for it"

MadamDeathstare · 16/05/2016 01:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GarlicShake · 16/05/2016 02:59

Your father's being a complete arse. YANBU to be angry. I'm not sure why you're angry at DH, too, though! Is it a case of "Let's you and him fight"?

I wouldn't advise trying to get a pragmatic-sounding husband into a row with a twatty-sounding father. What's the advantage to that?

Sorry you've got such an embarrassing set of parents. Are they always this bad?

Couch - he knocked the registration plate off! Of course he noticed.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs · 16/05/2016 03:12

Maybe he's embarrassed because he lost control of the car. Is the car one of those huge American style tanks that are ridiculously oversized for European roads? Could be a physical issue. Not that you seem bothered...

70k for a car seems a bit much to be just letting people drive it willy nilly. I mean, if you aren't going to take care of it...

Bogeyface · 16/05/2016 03:17

I hardly think that letting someone you trust move a car off a drive is "letting people drive it willy nilly" and how is that the OP not taking care of it?

Presumably the father wouldnt have offered if he didnt think he could handle the car? My mother is on my insurance, but she wouldnt drive my car unless it was life or death because its far too big for her (people carrier), so in this scenario she would ask me to dress and move it myself.

Bogeyface · 16/05/2016 03:18

And if she had driven it and damaged it she would feel absolutely terrible and not only pay for the damage, she would want to lend me her car and go without for the period that mine was being fixed. I would do the same if I damaged her car, its what you do!

ChopsticksandChilliCrab · 16/05/2016 03:30

I think your DF has behaved very shabbily here and has probably soured your relationship with him.

I would be very disappointed if my father did this, but I know he wouldn't- he would have come galloping in, apologising and offering to sort it all out.

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