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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still feel really bad about this

83 replies

Wetbankhols · 01/05/2016 19:57

About five years ago I had a group of friends.

I liked them. My husband hated them.

Then a lot happened at once, and we moved house. At my husbands urging I deleted Facebook changed my phone no and didn't contact them again.

Too much water under the bridge now but I still feel shit about it.

OP posts:
TimeToMuskUp · 01/05/2016 19:59

Could you go on Facebook and try to make contact and build some bridges? Explain that life (and your DH) got in the way and apologise for disappearing? Also, why did he hate them? Do you have friends now?

molyholy · 01/05/2016 20:00

So your husband told you to dump your mates and with no resistance, you did? Do you miss them, or just feel shite about the way you deleted them from your life?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 01/05/2016 20:00

It's a bit shitty of him to expect you to dump your mates because " he didn't like them ". Well incase it escaped his notice you did like them. He sounds very controlling to be honest.

Original poster
Wetbankhols · 01/05/2016 20:01

I think there's too much water under the bridge.

Occasionally I think about it but deep down I know I should have reached out three or four years ago not now.

I've one or two friends now :)

As for why he hated them - I suppose because a couple were quite critical of him, which he's never liked.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wetbankhols · 01/05/2016 20:01

Both, moly

OP posts:
TimeToMuskUp · 01/05/2016 20:04

Were they critical of how he was towards you? My friends wouldn't criticise my DH unless he was a dick to me (in which case I'd be cutting him off, not them) so it's odd they'd openly criticise him.

There's no statute of limitations on friendships. I moved area as a child (adopted in another county when I was 10) and recently found a load of my Y5 friends from primary school and have had meet-ups and still got on famously. Some humble pie and a sincere apology can go a long way.

sizeofalentil · 01/05/2016 20:04

It's never too late OP. But, tbh, I'm more concerned at your husband asking you to ditch your friends…

nightpiano · 01/05/2016 20:06

Are you still with your husband?

WonkoTheSane42 · 01/05/2016 20:08

Is your husband controlling in other ways?

RainbowJack · 01/05/2016 20:09

At my husbands urging I deleted Facebook changed my phone no and didn't contact them again.

He sounds controlling.

AristotlesTrousers · 01/05/2016 20:10

It's never too late to make amends, OP. If you miss your friends, then get in touch, if that's what you want to do. Flowers

Original poster
Wetbankhols · 01/05/2016 20:10

It honestly is a bit late. I do really miss them, BUT, I brought it on myself - I could have said no!

So if you're reading, I'm really sorry guys. I liked you, very much, and you brought me a lot of happiness and smiles and I'm sorry I couldn't return that.

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molyholy · 01/05/2016 20:15

If they were good friends, I would also say, as a pp said, that it's never too late to get in touch. I have a friend who I used to be extremely ose to. He moved and we lost touch for about 10 years. When I traced him on facebook through a mutual friend, we were both absolutey delighted to hear from each other and have visited each other etc. We're still not in touch all the time. It can be months sometimes, but I still count him as one of my best friends. Get back in touch. What have you got to lose? I also agree with a pp who said your mates only slate your partner to your face if they think there is something seriously wrong with your choice of partner.

JJoy342 · 01/05/2016 20:16

It might be awkward to contact them again but if you really miss them, then it's worth a shot. You can also try and grow your current circle of friends, go to meet ups or join a club and make some new friends.

FuckyMcFuckFace · 01/05/2016 20:19

Either he is controlling (is he happy you having friends in general/keeping in close touch with family?) Or he could see them for what they were. Unless he was nasty to them, why we're they critical of him?

DH hasn't liked friends of mine in the past, but he hasn't told me until I saw it too and dumped them. He has been right every time.

QuiteLikely5 · 01/05/2016 20:19

You're not giving enough info.

Do you mean you confided in them about him - they gave you an opinion and you told him what they said?

Were they bad to you?

Original poster
Wetbankhols · 01/05/2016 20:20

I've no real way of contacting them.

What do you mean not giving enough info? :)

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Grilledaubergines · 01/05/2016 20:22

Probably too late. people move on.

Please tell me you ditched the controlling husband too?

LumpySpacedPrincess · 01/05/2016 20:22

Is he now ex dh?

QuiteLikely5 · 01/05/2016 20:23

You say he did not like them - why?

Was he justified?

HackerFucker22 · 01/05/2016 20:24

Why did your husband encourage you to delete them / change your number etc? why?

Original poster
Wetbankhols · 01/05/2016 20:26

As I've said, they were critical of him or some were and plus there was a lot of stuff going on so we had a 'fresh start' which I now recognise was a bad idea, but at the time seemed to be what I needed?

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 01/05/2016 20:26

I've lost friends because xh discouraged my friendships. I really regret it.
How about trying to look them up on FB?

LaConnerie · 01/05/2016 20:27

I think op may be avoiding the questions about her H being controlling for a reason Sad

Original poster
Wetbankhols · 01/05/2016 20:28

Like I say I think things have moved on, it's just cheeky to expect people to come back after you ditch them so dramatically and I don't think I was a very good friend.

I just feel guilty about it and I hope one of them reads this and understands.

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