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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to send ds to school today?

33 replies

Watchingnetflix · 25/04/2016 10:17

Ds1 (15) was away with army cadets all weekend, very tiring weekend, back about 4 yesterday and had an early night. He was shattered this morning and achey but I sent him to school anyway. He's messaged to say none of the others went to school today and I'm feeling super mean and guilty and don't know if I should offer to get him?

Thing is he's missed 4 days this year already with dental appointments as orthodontics is in a town 1.5 hrs away and he's in his first year of GCSEs and has some exams coming up.

I feel so mean now!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 25/04/2016 10:18

I don't think you're mean and would have done the same

Original poster
Watchingnetflix · 25/04/2016 10:18

Also he has a number of weekends away with cadets through the year and I can't help feeling he can't just have Monday off each time

OP posts:
usual · 25/04/2016 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RudeElf · 25/04/2016 10:22

Army cadets is an extra curricular activity, it isnt an "instead of school" activity. If he has to take a day off school every time he goes away with them then he isnt fit for army cadets. School isnt optional if you're a bit tired and sore. He isnt injured.

sarahtweak · 25/04/2016 10:25

I think you did the right thing. You wouldn't call in sick to work because you'd been on holiday all weekend! Well done.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 25/04/2016 10:25

Mine (age 14), was on his DofE practice weekend and returned with the soles of his feet in blisters and aching so much he could barely climb the stairs. he is away to school today and is probably going a hill walk with the Beavers tonight.

he's 14, he'll live.

InternationalHouseofToast · 25/04/2016 10:26

If so many of the children were unable to attend school, the cadets need to look at getting them home earlier or just holding events on Saturday, not on Sunday. His education shouldn't be suffering because of the impact of a hobby.

If he can't go to school, he cuts down on cadets not the other way round. also a mean mum then

Original poster
Watchingnetflix · 25/04/2016 10:27

Thanks everyone, really needed to know I'm doing the right thing as the old parental guilt kicked in.

I know it's was extremely tough as they convered at least 20 miles plus many challenges and slept out in the field. Then he had an awful nights sleep last night as he was very sore from carrying pack and rifle.

I gave him a couple of neurofen this morning and porridge and energy bar to take to school.

OP posts:
OneMagnumisneverenough · 25/04/2016 10:28

He didn't even ask or suggest he shouldn't be in. he has the real thing in a few week, he can't just have a Monday off after every busy weekend. DS1 did the same and has also had weekends when he has been away tree planting etc and still gone to school. The other parents definitely are BU.

AugustRose · 25/04/2016 10:28

DD2 (9) went on a Brownies activity weekend last week - left Friday 5pm and got back Sunday 6pm - she went to school the next and she'd hardly slept all weekend.

I'm sure he'll be fine, I wouldn't be offering to collect him.

Original poster
Watchingnetflix · 25/04/2016 10:29

They got back about 4pm, they're never very late back and he went to bed early. I was kind of surprised the rest are off school to be honest (his team all in same school)

OP posts:
Voteforpedr0 · 25/04/2016 10:31

He's 15 not 5 you were right to send him, i would've done the same thing. You can join the army at 16 and be expected to survive on much less sleep than that, he'll catch up with rest when he sleeps tonight.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 25/04/2016 10:33

DS came in and asked to go for a shower - in our en-suite! It was so he didn't have to step up into the bath in the main bathroom That was his only concession.

yorkshapudding · 25/04/2016 10:51

You did the right thing. Tiredness isn't the same thing as illness and is not a valid reason to miss school. He will cope.
Also, "everyone else's mum let them" is a pretty classic tactic used by teens to push your buttons and make you feel guilty. I bet in reality it's only one or two who've been allowed to stay at home.

bluespiral · 25/04/2016 10:53

If cadets prevents children from attending school then they shouldn't be in the cadets. Of course you did the right thing sending him.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 25/04/2016 10:54

You were right to send him. I try and book the day off after i go away with guides but if I can't I wouldn't dream of calling sick, and if I had better things to do with my annual leave I would suck it up.

He got back at a reasonable time and had an early night, he needs to suck it up and get through school or else reconsider future weekends away

acasualobserver · 25/04/2016 11:00

He's messaged to say none of the others went to school today

It's their parents who have done the wrong thing.

BreakfastMuffin · 25/04/2016 11:01

I would send him to school too. They know how to make us feel bad don't they! Are you sure NONE of his friends are at school today? If I believed all my son (11yo) says he'd never go to bed before 10.30 pm (apparently ALL kids from his form go to bed so late), all of them also have Macs, new xboxes etc.., 😊😊

Rezolution123 · 25/04/2016 11:04

DD1 has been in Cadets for five years now and she has never had a day off after a weekend away training. If the others need a day off today then they are not ready for army cadet life just yet. Things will get better as the raw recruits toughen up but school work must come first.

Ludways · 25/04/2016 11:05

I'd have sent him in too. I used to do it.

Biffa44 · 25/04/2016 11:09

With further questioning, I bet one or two haven't gone to school, the rest have. He's trying to make you feel guilty. ALL the kids in my son's class have PS4s and their own Youtube channels, don'tcha know....

funniestWins · 25/04/2016 11:19

My Mum sent me to school unless I was nearly dead. I was at school on Monday morning having done the 55 mile Ten Tors walk over the weekend. I had to go barefoot in class because of the blisters. It didn't do me any harm and me and the other student who did attend got called up on stage that day for the headmaster's assembly.

You did the right thing.

Unicow · 25/04/2016 11:43

I would have sent him in as well.

Beeziekn33ze · 25/04/2016 12:01

OP You did the right thing and he'll be all the better for it. It was army cadets he was out with, after all, maybe some toughening up is part of the objective.
Funniest - Huge respect! â›°

GoblinLittleOwl · 25/04/2016 13:58

You did the right thing; the others sound wimps.

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