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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that maybe everything does happen for a reason?

78 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 12/04/2016 23:17

Does anyone think that our lives are planned out for us and that everything happens for a reason?

Have you ever had bad things happen which at the time makes you feel pretty bleak but in hindsight you thought that the event steered your life in a direction it otherwise wouldn't have and therefore it was "supposed to happen"?

Or is life just full of coincidences?

OP posts:

Ikeameatballs · 12/04/2016 23:20

I think it is part of human nature to try to move on from adversity and to try to find positives in any situation.

I don't think that this means that everything does happen for a reason or our lives are mapped out for us.

Imnotaslimjim · 12/04/2016 23:27

I've always believed it and had it proven a few times. I don't think our lives are marked out for us but I do think that there is meaning behind the major events in our lives, both good and bad

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 12/04/2016 23:30

Life is just full of coincidences. I think people tend to try and attribute patterns, meanings and explainations to events where none exist.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 12/04/2016 23:36

It's bullshit.

Stuff happens in life, when something shit happens some people like to attribute good things after it to 'everything happens for a reason'.

There are no reasons, just life events and coincidences.

raininginspringtime · 12/04/2016 23:37

Things do happen for a reason although I am inclined to think often the reason in my case is that I am stupid and make idiotic decisions.

WorraLiberty · 12/04/2016 23:39

No I don't think so.

I think it's just human nature to try to find some good that comes out of a bad situation. It's how we cope.

For example, my sister died very suddenly just after her 34th birthday, leaving behind 2 little girls aged just 8 and 9yrs old.

I re-met my now DH at the funeral (he was a family friend) and we ended up getting married - we've been happily married for 15 years.

That's just a lovely coincidence that came out of an awful, tragic situation.

I don't believe for a minute that my sister had to die and leave my nieces, just for me to be happily married.

Orwellschild · 12/04/2016 23:50

I happily roll along thinking we make our own destiny. Usually. Yesterday I found out that DP's (slightly psychotic) ex is moving into the house next door to where we were due to move into, but fell through at the very last second - literally the day before moving day.
There are little patterns that show through at times!

claraschu · 12/04/2016 23:56

My brother died, leaving 2 little boys behind. That didn't happen for a reason. Nothing good came out of it.

My mother was a depressed alcoholic- no reason.

I would be very angry if I thought there was a reason for those things.

Lollipopstick · 13/04/2016 00:00

I think the idea that everything happens for a reason is nonsense. Things just happen and some people try to attribute reasons to it to make sense of it - fair enough if that works for you.

Who is meant to be behind it all planning which things should happen and why (I don't believe in God by the way)

RudeElf · 13/04/2016 00:04

Does anyone think that our lives are planned out for us and that everything happens for a reason?

Some people do. I dont.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 13/04/2016 00:07

It's just coincidence and putting a positive spin on things really. Our perception can change too, I'm fairly happy but if I jumped in a time machine and my 21yo self was told how life would turnout she would think its crap and not want to get up in the morning.

PansOnFire · 13/04/2016 00:08

I posted a similar question a year or so ago; a work colleague said it to me during a time of absolute devastation and it gave me food for thought at the time.

But no, shit things happen because shit things happen. There are no reasons, only consequences that we use to help ourselves see past the bad times or to justify them afterwards. Or that's the way I see it anyway.

ScarletForYa · 13/04/2016 00:10

No. I don't believe that at all. I think it's Pollyanna-like and it annoys me. Everything that happens is not ultimately good.

Awful, ugly, cruel things happen all the time for no reason. Often nothing good comes from it.

People want to believe that there's some ulterior purpose or reason. But there's not.

Teacaddy · 13/04/2016 00:12

No, and to think they do is wish fulfilment and a thoroughly human and fallible desire to perceive a shape or meaning in random events.

Friendlystories · 13/04/2016 00:13

I don't know is the short answer but I have had several quite major things happen in the last few years which, while pretty horrendous at the time, have resulted in my life changing massively for the better. I'm not sure I'd say the bad things happened 'for a reason' exactly but it would be true to say the good things wouldn't have happened without the bad iyswim.

Teacaddy · 13/04/2016 00:14

Orwell's post, for instance. Is a very lucky coincidence, not the universe preventing the psycho ex being her next-door neighbour!

Foslady · 13/04/2016 00:17

Well I've had a gut full of being crapped on. Friends say I don't derserve the life I've had but yet I've still had and am having it. If this is because my life is mapped out for a reason someone's having a sick joke on me

Solo · 13/04/2016 00:18

Same here Fern

BananaInPyjama · 13/04/2016 01:13

if there is a reason I would love to know the reason behind slow painful death for a lovely family member and why a baby relative was born with horrendous health problems which means she will never live a 'normal' independent carefree life.

HazelBite · 13/04/2016 08:49

I'm in my 60's and for the life of me I cannot fathom this one out.
For instance when I was expecting DS1 I had extremely low blood pressure and was not allowed to work, each afternoon I would go and sit with my Mum, watch telly and chat giving my Dad some respite (she had a heart condition). Mum died from a sudden and unexpected heart attack when Ds1 was a few months old, and I am so pleased that I got to spend that time with her, and I feel we got closer, which I wouldn't have done if I hadn't had low blood pressure.
The weird thing is two subsequent pregnancies no blood pressure problems.
Now was that a coincidence or something happening for a reason?
There are so many more stories like this I could tell, but I won't bore you, but like Fern there have been quite awful things happen to me that subsequently have resulted my life changing for the better.
The older I get, the more I have the feeling that there is something/someone out there effecting things, for the worse for the better.
But who knows?

hesterton · 13/04/2016 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CwtchMeQuick · 13/04/2016 09:04

I think often the thought process 'everything happens for a reason' is a coping mechanism to get us through bad times. I know it helps me. Last year I had a miscarriage and shortly after me and my ex broke up, at the time I wanted to see the reasoning behind how something so awful could possibly have anything good come out of it. Now, I suspect our miscarriage was what brought my ex's depression to the surface again, but it ultimately made him deal with it and I'm not sure he'd still be around now if I hadn't lost our baby and we hadn't broken up. I try to take comfort from the thought that our baby may have saved his life. It doesn't mean 'everything happens for a reason' it's just a way of dealing with tragic life events, and obviously doesn't work for everyone. But if it's what someone believes, and it helps them, who are we to say they're wrong?

mellybythesea · 13/04/2016 09:05

I think there are certain experiences and lessons we are put on earth to learn, for whatever reason. So in that way, things happen for a reason.
However I think the choices we make alter how we learn those lessons. And sometimes there are flukes and miracles and sad events that just happen.
So we do have a destiny but we can influence what happens along the way to some extent. And obviously we choose how we react to those lessons and what we take from experiences.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 13/04/2016 09:05

Tell this to all those suffering horrendously due to the loss of a child. Very insensitive actually.

honkinghaddock · 13/04/2016 09:53

No I believe shit happens and then you just get on with it because you have no choice.

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