Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with partner about this?!

109 replies

babayjane67 · 04/04/2016 17:41

Our car broke down on is few days ago&is gonna cost too much to repair.
We've been very lucky a close relative has offered to help us out with some money to get one.'dp' wants to use it as a deposit to get a more expensive one.
He won't let me have any say on which car we get or help in finding one.refuses to go thru the papers etc has to be just from a garage.insists on doing it all himself cuz in his words 'I know more about cars than u do!'
I found out today that he's gone behind my back&registered online to get finamce&has been accepted.we have money probs&already have debts we're paying off&he hasn't discussed any if this with me!the person helping us out has done so cuz they don't want us to be going to any loan places!!
It isn't the first time he hasn't discussed things with me.it happens a lot.
We've been together 9yrs known him for 11& have a child together
Aibu??

OP posts:
Ipigglemustdie · 04/04/2016 17:44

Yanbu

Bailey101 · 04/04/2016 17:45

Well, if he thinks you don't deserve a say in the car I bloody hope he doesn't expect you to cut back to pay for it!

He's out of order to tell you that you don't get to have an opinion and to take on more debt when you're already paying off other debt isn't smart.

Has the money been handed over yet? If not, I'd ask the relative to hang onto it until you get this sorted out.

ConfuciousSayWhat · 04/04/2016 17:45

I don't ever say this but Ltb

OnlyTheStones · 04/04/2016 17:48

YANBU. Does he often make decisions that affect you both without consulting you?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 04/04/2016 17:52

Is he the boss of you? Why didn't you insist on getting the car yourself? You know he can't be trusted. So why did you not just go out and buy the right car yourself? Are you afraid of him? Did he keep the money from you?

Whose name are the debts in?

fuzzywuzzy · 04/04/2016 17:53

Relative on your side or his?
If yours I'd go ahead and by a cheaper car with money loaned by relative.

Also LTB

Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2016 17:56

Yea only The Stones he's done this a few times.
Bailey 101 Im not sure if money's been handed over yet or not.dp told me they said they will write a chk, maybe leaving it blank& trust him not to go over a certain amount
I'm just sick of him being like this with me!!
I told him it's not just about him!we'r sposed to be a parnership& family unit!!

OP posts:
VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 04/04/2016 17:58

Your relative or his?

Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2016 17:59

He's the driver.k don't drive.
Relative is on my side

OP posts:
Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2016 18:00

Debts are in both our names

OP posts:
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 04/04/2016 18:10

If it's your relative just take the money and go and buy a car

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 04/04/2016 18:11

Why don't you drive?

Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2016 18:13

Cuz I never learnt

OP posts:
TheWitTank · 04/04/2016 18:17

How much are we talking here? Could you have got a decent, working car for the money your relative gave you? Is he just after a fancy motor to make himself look good? In any case, LTB anyway for sneaking around behind your back and sinking you into deeper debt.

Bailey101 · 04/04/2016 18:17

I'd go straight to your relative and and ask them not to hand over the cheque, or if they have put a stop in it before he uses it.

He might pay a bit more attention if he doesn't think he holds all the cards.

It sounds like this is just the tip of the iceberg though - I hope you can find a resolution to him ignoring you Flowers

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 04/04/2016 18:19

The thing is if you don't drive then it kind of gives all the power to your dp so I can kind of see his argument. Really, your relative is giving him the money, not you

RubbleBubble00 · 04/04/2016 18:19

Torn. U don't drive so to me he has bugger say as he has to drive it. However u have equal say on financial side. You should be setting a budget together of what you can afford then letting him choose cars from this

How will this affect your joint finances with current debt and running the house

RubbleBubble00 · 04/04/2016 18:20

Bugger=bigger

diddl · 04/04/2016 18:20

It's easy to see why you/he is in debt!

What a bloody idiot!

I don't drive & I don't care what car my husband gets.

We do set the budget together though!

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 04/04/2016 18:21

Tell your relative not to give him a penny. Twat.

GinAndColonic · 04/04/2016 18:24

My husband might not use my nails but he has every right to say I can't spend £5k a year painting them. Just because you don't drive does not give him a reason to blow your budget. Wow.

PommelandCantle · 04/04/2016 18:24

If the money was being given/loaned to you so you don't get into further debt, your DP has straight away broken the trust of your relative.

Adding further financial problems to your debt is bloody stupid and cars are the stupidest things to get finance on. My DB is a terror for doing this and ALWAYS costs him far more money than he thinks (beyond finance).

Please put your foot down and tell you relative to come with you when it comes to paying. Your DP is not trustworthy with money and deserves to be treated as such.

GRRR, I am fuming here.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 04/04/2016 18:26

I might not drive but we use the car all the time&I think we should still be able to discuss it look at cars etc TOGETHER! !like other couples know do!
Yes we can get a decent working car with the relatives money.I've seen them myself but when I've told him bout them he's not interested cuz it's not from a garage!!
I don't know how much he's gonna ask to borrow but prob a few thousand I'm guessing.so yes it will prob have an affect on our debts/finamces

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/04/2016 18:28

If he has gone behind your back, this debt should not be in your name, babayjane. If he has put your name on finance without your permission, that sounds like fraud to me. I would be asking some very searching questions, if I were you - and if he has put your name on this loan without your permission, you should ring the finance company and tell them.

OnlyTheStones · 04/04/2016 18:29

Maybe it is time for a talk, and not just about the car.