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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

10/11 year age gap between children

73 replies

EnoughAlready999 · 10/03/2016 11:00

Has anyone else had children with such a big age gap? I'm about 7 weeks pregnant (unexpectedly) and can't get my head around doing it all over again after all this time.

OP posts:

MissBeaHaving · 10/03/2016 11:07

I've a 13 year age gap,I found I was more relaxed than with my eldest, It was great having an older sibling who enjoyed helping with the baby.

Congratulations

Original poster

EnoughAlready999 · 10/03/2016 11:27

Did it not bother your teenager having a baby/toddler around? Noise, mess etc.

OP posts:

NeedACleverNN · 10/03/2016 11:32

My mum has a 24 age year gap between her oldest (me) and youngest.

In fact my sisters daughter is older than my mums son.

It can work

Pinkheart5915 · 10/03/2016 11:33

My children are close together.

But me and my brother have 10 years between us, mum says it was a shock at first with me as she was out of practice. Despite the age gap me and my brother are very close, although he can be very over protective.

Sleeplessinmybedroom · 10/03/2016 11:36

I have a 9 year gap between each of my three children so now I have an 18yr old, a ten year old and a six month old baby. I've found it not too bad going back to the baby days. I Did find with my eldest two that I found it hard to find things for them to do together.

GreatFuckability · 10/03/2016 11:40

I'm 10 years older than my sister, we get on great.

lessthanBeau · 10/03/2016 12:02

I have a fifteen year gap, ds25 dd23 and dd7 , DS was at uni so didn't see him much, dd1 did not like it at all, however I think she had a problem bonding with her as I previously had a miscarriage, found out at scan while dd1 was there, we wanted to involve her and she was so excited about the baby so she was devasted when we lost it, when I got pg with dd2 it seemed like she had put up a barrier and wouldn't have anything to do with the baby,now she's older shes fine but their sibling relationship has suffered due to dd1s refusal of her during her baby years. DS was not bothered and likes to play with her when he's home.

MissBeaHaving · 10/03/2016 12:04

Sometimes we would have remind our eldest the baby was sleeping but the good far outweighed the bad,she had a lot of patience with the baby & now they are both older their relationship is lovely

lessthanBeau · 10/03/2016 12:04

Oh forgot, I have a db 10 years younger than me ,we get on great are good friends and socialise together.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 10/03/2016 12:05

Nearly 10 years between my 2.

Eldest is usually helpful.

They don't tend to fight too much. Dd adores her big brother. He teaches her all kinds of things.

The gap wasn't planned, but dd took a while to get here.

MetalMidget · 10/03/2016 12:07

There's 15 years between my nephews, the older dotes on his little brother! Although he'd sometimes take him out for a walk in his pushchair and make it very clear that he was his brother and not his teenage dad! :D

VagueIdeas · 10/03/2016 12:08

10.5 years between me and my only sibling.

It's like we were both only children in a way, no fighting over toys etc. But then we reap the benefits of having a sibling too.

I guess we're not super close because we're at such different life stages (mid 20s vs. mid 30s) but there have been no negatives to such a big gap, as far as I'm concerned.

soundsystem · 10/03/2016 12:09

No experience as a parent, but there's 10 years between me and my sister.

We're really close now as adults but as children we were more like two only children, to be honest. Which has it's positives as we both had a lot of time with our mum. And there's never been any sibling rivalry.

I doted on her as a baby/toddler, then I left home when she was 7 and didn't really pay much attention to her again until she was about 14 . I mean, I wasn't horrible to her or anything and always spoiled her at Christmas and birthdays but other than that we just obviously didn't have many shared interests!

We spend a lot more time together now than do my DH and his sib who are much closer in age, although that's as much to do with our personalities as anything.

Good luck, and congrats!

MissBeaHaving · 10/03/2016 12:11

I do agree with a Pp that sometimes it would be difficult doing things that suited both age groups but I set aside activity time for my eldest on her own also so that she felt she had a bit of special time with me,cinema,nail painting,movie night or shopping & cake in town.

ThePebbleCollector · 10/03/2016 12:11

My brother is 12 years older than me. We get along great and always have. The only problem my parents had was my mum being an "old mum" and being gossiped about... horrible! But it was a different time back then.

As far as I know my brother thinks I'm ok :D He took me on lots of trips, and we still played a lot together. And when he got older he took me on holiday without my parents which was an added bonus! :)

Good luck in your pregnancy, I'm sure your children will have a lovely relationship :)

Capricorn76 · 10/03/2016 12:22

My DH has a closer relationship with his DSis who's 13 years older than him than his closest in age DSis who's 3 years older than him. He says it's probably because there was never any rivalry, they had their own mates etc and they are more suited personality wise. Whereas although they get on, he can remember fighting/arguing with the younger sis a lot when they were kids.

Owllady · 10/03/2016 12:25

One of my friends had two children with a twenty year gap!

You'll be fine :) I had an unexpected third (6 yr gap between 2nd and 3rd) and it was fine once I'd got over the shock

TwoKettles · 10/03/2016 12:32

My DM has 2 DBs - one is 4 yrs younger and 1 is 13 yrs younger. She is like a twin soul with the youngest, but the one who is only 4 yrs younger than her isn't close to either of them. The youngest is like a big brother to me. Its a win-win for us

PeppasNanna · 10/03/2016 12:35

Theres over 10 years between my dd. Now 14 & 24. More positives then negatives.
Good luck with the pregnancy

honeylulu · 10/03/2016 13:27

Nearly a decade between my two. Not planned like that but it's been brilliant. Surprisingly they even play together. Good luck and congratulations.

QuerkyJo · 10/03/2016 13:34

Mine are 46' 44 and 33. It was magic having a late baby. The older 2 worshipped him and he grew up with 4 parents rather than 2. They are still really close. I have 4 adult Grand children and 4 small ones all around the same age. The 10 year gap stopped being noticeable when the youngest was a teenager. My eldest and youngest have children the same age.

Sickofthetantrums · 10/03/2016 13:38

10 year gap between my eldest and youngest. The eldest (14) gets a little stroppy with the youngest occasionally, but nothing more than usual sibling nonsense. I think that having the youngest around has encouraged a lot more hugging and cuddles at an age when the eldest would be pulling away from us. It is also handy to have another pair of relatively reliable hands around to play with/keep an eye on the youngest! I'm far more laid back as a mum this time too but don't underestimate the shock to the system that sleepless nights will be again!

whois · 10/03/2016 13:42

My sister is just over 10 years older than me.

She was always really good to me, really kind and i totally adored her. Lots of memories of her taking me to the park or swimming or something.

She left home to go to uni when I was 7 so didn't see too much of her after that.

My parents paid for us to go away just be two of us a couple of times when I was about 18 and those holidays were good fun.

We weren't super close because we obviously didn't have many shared experiences or interests when I was younger, but that levelled out by the time I got to uni and we had a more adult relationship.

We spend a reasonable amount of time together now - have dinner just he two of us, spend time with her and the family (she has kids) and socialise with each other's friends sometimes.

We both got loads of attention from my parents as we were essentially two only children. She says mum and dad were WAY more chilled out with me because that had done it all before with her.

The only negative is that sometimes it was a bit lonely not having a gang of brothers or sisters to play with near my age, but there is no guarantee that siblings get on anyway, and the benefit of attention from our parents probably out weighed that.

Cuttheraisins · 10/03/2016 14:08

I have two sisters 9 years and 11 years older than me and we are very, very close, they looked after me so much when I was little, and I was completely spoiled by my mum and my sisters. I adore them. It's a lovely age gap.

SleepyBoBo · 10/03/2016 14:09

10 years between me and my youngest sibling. Was great during the baby months, but then I became a teen and having a young child around was a bit pants. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly, but living with a single parent who expected you to pick up the slack (or spend your spare time babysitting) was a nightmare. I came home less from Uni as I was expected to entertain during holidays and basically be another parent, it shouldn't be like that. It's a different relationship from a sibling who's close in age - I personally feel it's easier with the latter, you feel on the same level. Being much older, you do end up being half a sibling/half an 'adult role model'. It works for some though (I didn't have much patience back then I'll admit!).

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