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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

10/11 year age gap between children

73 replies

EnoughAlready999 · 10/03/2016 11:00

Has anyone else had children with such a big age gap? I'm about 7 weeks pregnant (unexpectedly) and can't get my head around doing it all over again after all this time.

OP posts:

Enkopkaffetak · 27/03/2016 08:45

There is nearly 8 years between me and my sister. We are not close however I think that is more to do with us being very different personalities than age gap. I have friends who are older/younger by many more years.

Congratulations

ScoutsMam · 27/03/2016 08:54

You'd be surprised how many people are against terminations until they feel they need one. If it's what YOU want to do, there's no reason not to. If you don't want to do it, then don't let anyone push you.

I have 11 years between my two and we've done great. I have mental health problems and we've sailed it, DS loves her, like absolutely adores her. She's a light in our lives. It's helped up as we start into the moody teen years. Seeing me cradle her and singing to her is great for DS, I tell him 'I sang this to you, we read this book, I just to throw you up like this'. He sees just how much he is loved. He now gets into our bed on a night for a story with his little sister, fat chance of him being so uncool before she came along!

mollyonthemove · 27/03/2016 09:03

There are 10 years between dd1 and ds then another 5 between ds and dd2. To be honest it has been hard work and tiring but now dd2 is 10 we are beginning to really relax. I feel it's kept us young though !

CalleighDoodle · 27/03/2016 09:07

There are 13 years between me and my
Oldest brother, 9 between me and db#2, then there was me, and dsis is 3years younger. My mum said each had different Challenges.

CalleighDoodle · 27/03/2016 09:08

Im closest with my older by 13 years brother. i agree it is more about personality than age.

CalleighDoodle · 27/03/2016 09:13

Missed your update. You said in that post you have wanted another. Personally, i think you should go quickly to the dr, tell him/ her how youre feeling and ask for some counselling. It looks like other people's attitudes are preventing you from enjoying the pregnancy. There's support out there.

bimandbam · 27/03/2016 09:22

Dd was 9 1/2 when ds was born. It has its blessings and it's curses. Both want different things but you get that with dcs of any ages. I found it more difficult when ds was a baby than dd but I think tgat was to do with a lot of things not just age.

I am more relaxed with ds and feel I binded with him easier despite the work.

Now he adorea his big sister. She is a bit indifferent to him at times and does get a bit jealous but I suspect she would have even if they had been closer in age.

Whatever you decide it must be what you want not what you think your dd wants because if you regret a termination you might hold her partly responsible.

MammaTJ · 27/03/2016 09:30

10 years between my two DDs.

Now DD1 has just had baby, making 10 year old DD2 and Aunt.

It really is lovely to see them together. My DD1 adores her younger siblings and they adore her. They all adore my Granddaughter.

nagynolonger · 27/03/2016 09:59

My DS1 was 12 and DD 10 when their baby brother was born. DS was OK (not bothered) and DD was thrilled to bits and really proud to show him off to her school friends.

We had our youngest when DS1 was 17 and DD 15. DD was delighted to be a big sister again but DS1 was mortified. He certainly didn't mention the new arrival to his friends. I think he was quite embarrassed.

CaptainCrunch · 27/03/2016 10:01

I'm 20 years younger than my sister and 13 younger than my brother.

MiaowTheCat · 27/03/2016 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grannytomine · 27/03/2016 12:10

I've got a 20 year gap between youngest and oldest, they aren't close if I am honest but never caused any problems as such. The gap between no 2 and no 3 was 15 years and it is a bit of a shock to go back to nappies, broken nights etc but they are close and he said it was great with girls, apparently "Do you want to come back and see the new baby" works better than etchings.

Andrewofgg · 27/03/2016 12:14

As a child I knew an aunt and a niece born the same week!

grannytomine · 27/03/2016 12:17

nagynolonger, they are all different. My 2nd son was 17 when the youngest was born, he was really proud and dismissed friends mother's as being "past it" he is still really close to his youngest brother, they are probably the closest out of the four of them.

OP don't worry about what other people think, what do you want? I have been a mother with dependant children for most of my adult life, son graduated a year before my retirement and I have no regrets. Remember you know more than you did with your first so should be more relaxed and confident. Your daughter might be thrilled, children of that age seem to love babies and I find babies love them as well, young enough to be fun but big enough to look up to.

GreenGlassLove · 27/03/2016 13:41

Not personally but there's 11 years between DS2 and DS3.

FattyNinjaOwl · 27/03/2016 13:45

I'm ten years older than my brother. We are really close. My mum always said it was easier with him than it was with us older ones.

nagynolonger · 27/03/2016 14:54

Yes grannytomie I'm sure you are right. It does depend on the person. DS1 went off to university when the baby was 9 months old and he moved in with his future wife so never came home really. They are more like uncle and nephew than brothers. They do get on well and it's been great for our youngest. He's a young uncle now too.

CalleighDoodle · 27/03/2016 17:50

My cousin is 34 and his two youngest siblings are 7 and 5.

hunibuni · 27/03/2016 18:02

There is 10 years between DS and DD and she is one spoilt rascal! He takes her wherever she wants and says that she is a great excuse to go and watch kids films They are really close and he has beeen a great help, although it was a shock to the system initially!

0hCrepe · 27/03/2016 18:25

It's lovely to hear these positive stories. I'm pregnant with 3rd and my dc will be 10 and 11 when its born. Ds is excited but dd burst out crying when we told her! She seems to be coming round to the idea but I really hope she's happy about it and they're like the doting older siblings being described here!

pantsjustpants · 27/03/2016 18:53

Can I suggest getting to your gp for some counselling asap? This could aid you with your decision one way or another.

I have big and a small age gap! Ds1 is 26, ds2 just turned 25, dd is 9 and ds is 4. I also have grandchildren older than youngest dc! I have to say that I absolutely love it. I only have the two youngest at home now, and dd absolutely adores her little brother.

Fpmd1710 · 27/03/2016 19:02

My mum had quite a gap between my sisters and I. I was 7 when she had her second, then I was 14 when she had twins, then finally I was almost 18 when she had my youngest sister. She did also get pregnant when I was 21, unfortunately she lost that one, but still, it would have been a very big gap. I both hate and love the age gap between myself and all my sisters, because we were always on very different wave-lengths (at that age even a couple years can be a big difference), but I also love being the cool big sister that they can talk to about things kids don't like discussing with parents.
Also, now myself and second eldest are both adults, we get on really well.

AnnaBana539 · 22/10/2016 14:27

I'm nearly 50 my firstborn is 19, I'm pregnant with my second child with DH who is 20 yrs younger than me.

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