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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the hv has high expectations?

66 replies

NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 12:30

Ds has his 8-12 month check up today.

Most things he's ok on but some things he is behind on as normal.

However she wants me to get ds to start recognising words NOW.

For example sit down with a book, show him a baby, say baby and then later on ask him where the baby and expect him to point.

She wants me to start making him walk. He just started crawling and is pulling himself up but not yet cruising.

Apparently I should be teaching him to walk. It's my job.

We prefer to let them learn it in their own time with a bit of help when needed.

Ds sucks his blanket to sleep. This needs to stop apparently as its a choking hazard. Try to get him on a dummy instead Hmm

My dh needs to involve himself more.... Despite walking 40-50 hours a week

DS only turned one on the 4th.

So wibu to carry on as normal and let him figure things out for himself?

Dd didn't walk until she was 18 months so she was a late walker

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 09/03/2016 12:32

She wants you to make him walk??? Shock. She's a nutcase...

waffilyversati1e · 09/03/2016 12:32

I think you probably just need a new HV...

They are babies for such a short time, you are right to let them be

Gardencentregroupie · 09/03/2016 12:33

She might have a point about the blanket. I could see how the corner could easily go too far down into his mouth and block his airway. Other than that, she's crackers. (Though 'reading' picture books to them is nice and probably good for them).

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 12:35

I do read to him but at the moment he would rather eat the book then look at it.

I just don't expect him to know what objects are till at least 18 months.

The blanket can't go far into his mouth. He tucks it just behind his teeth and then has a gentle suck

OP posts:
Katenka · 09/03/2016 12:39

Hmm fairly sure the blanket add vice is fairly standard.

But everything else Yanbu.

Whatamuckingfuddle · 09/03/2016 12:39

Out of interest how do you teach a child to walk? And I don't think my hv's ever asked about my husband, apart from to query why we had had our children out of wedlock with a hard stare.

Ilovenannyplum · 09/03/2016 12:42

My 19 month old is yet to walk (health visitor obviously freaking out) if you find out how to teach a baby to walk (Hmm) I'd like a few pointers please Grin

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 12:43

I have no idea how you teach them to walk.

She only said about dh because he took him today to let me rest.

She wasn't too happy about this as she would rather see the mother

She actually asked him "what do you DO as a parent then?"

He is actually a very hands on parent and was actually a bit annoyed by this question

OP posts:
capsium · 09/03/2016 12:44

Smile and nod and then help him with his walking and talking in you own way.

Mine walked at 15 months. He was used to walking holding onto furniture then managed to walk between the gap from one sofa to another which was just beyond his reach. You might find a baby bouncer might help him exercise his legs a bit and feel what is like to stand.

liz70 · 09/03/2016 12:46

Teaching a child to walk? Wtf is that all about? Hmm I just let our three DDs get on with it - I was buggered if I were going to give myself backache stooping over them, holding their hands and "walking" them along. No sirree. They worked it out themselves in their own time. Agree with others that your HV sounds batshit. Hmm

Katenka · 09/03/2016 12:46

She actually asked him "what do you DO as a parent then?"

How rude! I would be making a complaint. What did he say to her?

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 12:47

He hates baby bouncers! He can stand lovely holding on to your hands. He stands idependantly. He can also pull himself up no problem. He just doesn't cruise around the furniture when standing

OP posts:
capsium · 09/03/2016 12:49

Sounds like he well is on his way to walking then. Grin You could try putting a wanted toy (or other object) just out of reach.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 12:50

How rude! I would be making a complaint. What did he say to her?

He said "I give my wife time off. I feed them, I bathe them, I get up with them in the night. I clothe them, I play with them and I love them. Is that enough for you?" Grin

My dh is a bit of an arse when he wants to be

OP posts:
VagueIdeas · 09/03/2016 12:51

Hahahaha Grin

She sounds crackers.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 12:51

You could try putting a wanted toy (or other object) just out of reach.

Nothing is safe already. He managed to pull down one of my magazines and shredded it. It was right at the back of a chair.

OP posts:
capsium · 09/03/2016 12:53

Just a matter of time before he finds out how to move some more in order to obliterate something else then. Grin

JustABigBearAlan · 09/03/2016 12:54

I think your dh gave a good answer. It's the HV being an arse here.
One of my dc walked at 11 months, the other at 16 months. There's no way I could 'teach' them. That's crackers. And why does it matter? It doesn't exactly go on your CV does it?

ridemesideways · 09/03/2016 12:55

You can opt out of HV visits altogether if you have no concerns about your child.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 09/03/2016 12:57

I think it's generally accepted that 90% of HV's are fucking batshit.

Either continue to see them, for the comedy value they provide or ignore.

(Although weirdly, the last HV I saw was really nice and sensible!)

IamCarcass · 09/03/2016 13:02

Perhaps he could have replied 'more than you seem to be doing as a health visitor'?
We declined the visit for these reasons you've shown. You might want to consider that for next time if you find them more hassle than good.

BlackeyedSusan · 09/03/2016 13:03

presumabaly your dh works so the chiild can bloody well eat and live in a house and have clothes and nappies.

ps good for your dh re his comments to the health visitor.

Lurkedforever1 · 09/03/2016 13:03

I would ignore her. Babies (& toddlers/ kids/ teens) do things best when allowed to do so when they are ready. Not because you try and make them conform to someone elses bonkers expectations.

I got told dd was behind at her 9months check. Because the fruit loop hv was doing the wrong check, and finding dd lacking because she didn't do stuff expected of toddlers. I was also repeatedly told to stop feeding her seconds if she was still hungry after a meal and offer a sweet pudding instead. Yes, so much better to eat dessert instead of dinner, and always wise to teach dc that when hungry we eat cake.

lazyleo · 09/03/2016 13:04

I think it's generally accepted that 90% of HV's are fucking batshit.

^ This.

Ignore her. Cheeky, rude and unhelpful to boot. These are the ones that get the whole HV profession a bad name. I too had a good one, but I had more unhelpfuls. shakes head at lunacy of it

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 13:04

I don't mind seeing the hv as sometimes it's worth it for concerns and it's interesting to see how much ds weighs.

All the stories on mn and I've always thought thank fuck we have nice sensible ones and I've always felt sorry for those who felt intimidated by them.

This is first one who is was a bit of an arse. If it was me taking him and it was my first child, I could easily see how an anxious mother would be fretting after.

As it was my dh and is my second child I can laugh

OP posts:
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