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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the hv has high expectations?

66 replies

NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 12:30

Ds has his 8-12 month check up today.

Most things he's ok on but some things he is behind on as normal.

However she wants me to get ds to start recognising words NOW.

For example sit down with a book, show him a baby, say baby and then later on ask him where the baby and expect him to point.

She wants me to start making him walk. He just started crawling and is pulling himself up but not yet cruising.

Apparently I should be teaching him to walk. It's my job.

We prefer to let them learn it in their own time with a bit of help when needed.

Ds sucks his blanket to sleep. This needs to stop apparently as its a choking hazard. Try to get him on a dummy instead Hmm

My dh needs to involve himself more.... Despite walking 40-50 hours a week

DS only turned one on the 4th.

So wibu to carry on as normal and let him figure things out for himself?

Dd didn't walk until she was 18 months so she was a late walker

OP posts:
Fratelli · 09/03/2016 13:04

Definitely get a different hv! She's obviously clueless!!! Babies learn in their own time.

Although I agree with her about the banket.

And good on your dh!

Xmasbaby11 · 09/03/2016 13:07

I never had this kind of experience with my HV. It's a baby's instinct to walk - they will do it in their own way in their own time. DD1 walked at 1, suddenly, and was very confident and active from then on. DD2 walked at about 16m but was wobbly for months and wasn't as active as DD1.

Of course as parents we should encourage them to learn language, walk etc but it is really led by the individual baby.

PeterGriffinsPenisBeaker · 09/03/2016 13:08

Good grief! She's potty! Sounds like a HV I had. I was told my exBF 4 month old (who incidentally wouldn't take a bottle of expressed milk) should be drinking independently from a sippy cup. Some are in the wrong profession, honestly just ignore - it sounds like your baby in in the totally normal range.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 13:09

Re blanket... Has anyone any advice?

He hates dummy's. Won't entertain them and frankly at 12 months I don't really want to encourage one.

He only sucks his blanket when he's upset or drifting off to sleep. It's his comfort thing

OP posts:
Twixthecat · 09/03/2016 13:09

Ignore her!!! I'm sure HV are a good idea and there must be some really good ones out there somewhere. But the only ones I ever met made me cry or feel like a piece of sh*t.

Just like any piece of advice, if you don't agree with it ignore it.

romanrainsalot · 09/03/2016 13:13

Like your DH's response Grin.

Pinch of salt, apart from the blanket thing perhaps, but then to swap it for a dummy? DS's nursery are hell bent on getting all the kids to get rid of dummies asap. So you've got one health pro saying have a dummy, others saying get shut, they are bad. Its all perspective. You know your child best, but that's not to say its not worth bearing some things in mind, because you never know.

I always used to have DM with me at HV time, because I was so shitscared of their judging ways (to all nice HVs, I know you don't mean it, but when in PND, fear of failing etc, that's how it feels). Luckily, my DS was a show off so was more than happy to demonstrate everything he could do, before HV even asked. Until HV asked about drinks and my DM said "his juice bottle", which was just an appreviated way to say his juice sippy cup with a straw thing (it wasn't a baby milk bottle), but HV heard "juice in a bottle" and went on a massive rant.

She saw him again for his 2 yr check and suffice to say none of his teeth had rotted or fallen out.

Katenka · 09/03/2016 13:15

Love your dhs response.

Dh took ds when he was a baby (4 months) to school to pick up dd. The teacher commented that he should have a hat on (it was July) then said 'but bet you don't have him a lot do you? So you won't get it!'

He gave her the same type of response Grin

QuiteQuietly · 09/03/2016 13:16

I had a label-sucker. I cut a piece of the blanket down so it was only just long enough to get in the mouth from his shoulder and pinned it firmly to the shoulder of his pyjamas. This way it couldn't get far enough into the mouth to be swallowed. We didn't make a fuss about it and he just stopped needing it after a while. I'd rather that than a dummy - the rubbery-ness of them makes makes me judder.

And yes, HVs are pointless. Just ignore them.

MrsBenWyatt · 09/03/2016 13:17

Teach them to walk Hmm. If you work out how to do that, you could sell your method for a fortune. Week done to your DH for his response!

DC1 walked at 9 months and DC2 at 10 months - we did precisely nothing to encourage this. Hoping DC3 will be a little later than that!!!

I have yet to meet a HV who has given me any useful advice. The last one, when doing a visit before DC3 arrived, told me with a straight face that if baby was too hot, take off a layer of clothing/ too cold and I should add a layer of clothing. That'd be patronising for FTM, never mind someone on their third child Angry. Mine also doesn't approve of the hours I work (teacher). Maybe she'd rather we couldn't afford our mortgage/food?

Smile and ignore is my mantra.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/03/2016 13:24

I opted out of hv visits in the end because they seemed to be a total waste of time, with an hv who knew less than nothing about babies, and not much about "health", either.

I honestly wonder who they are and how they are trained, and why there doesn't seem to be any quality control.

spiderlight · 09/03/2016 13:38

Oh, that's bonkers! Babies walk when they are good and ready. Otherwise surely we'd all be knee-deep in crawling three/four/five-year-olds whose parents had never bothered to 'teach' them? Confused As with most things that HVs seem to say in MN land, smile nicely and ignore! (Keep an eye on the blanket near his mouth when he's asleep though).

ridemesideways · 09/03/2016 13:39

They have no specialist knowledge, if you were concerned you would consult a book / development website / GP and people act like HVs are the only people with the ability to weigh babies and fill out a chart? Don't get it. I only saw ours once.

BasinHaircut · 09/03/2016 13:40

My DSis was told last week about her 9mo DS that he was underwright because the HV thought that he should be on a higher centile.

He is following the 75th perfectly after having been born on the 9th.

I was told by my HV that 6 WEEK old DS should have his 'last' feed of the day at 11pm, not 10pm or he would never sleep through the night.

OzzieFem · 09/03/2016 13:43

Bravo to your husband. Star Frankly I would ignore the HV, what a bitch. Your baby will start walking when he is ready to not before.

ridemesideways · 09/03/2016 13:43

What a load of balls. Genuinely think that HVs do more harm than good and don't help parents to think for themselves / trust their own instincts.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 09/03/2016 13:47

My absolute worst career option ever would be to be one of the 10% good health visitors!

Can you imagine how miserable it would be to be surrounded by these idiots talking twaddle for no earthly reason at all?! And people assuming you were just another foolish person just waiting for that moment to give your 'facts' ... And to be actually right!

Don't know which would kill me first, my colleagues or public perception

dustarr73 · 09/03/2016 13:48

My dh needs to involve himself more.... Despite walking 40-50 hours a week

I think your dp is walking enough for everyoneGrin.

My last son didnt walk till he was nearly 2,they really just do things in their own time.She sounds a fruitloop.Smile and nod.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 13:53

Obviously meant working not walking....damn iPhone.

Tries to correct words I want to spell in a particular way but it refuses to spell correct something you are a bit unsure about. Arse

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 09/03/2016 13:56

Yes i know what you meant it was just funny.I like the style of your dh.Good answer.

firesidechat · 09/03/2016 14:04

She is bonkers. That's all that needs to be said really.

WizardOfToss · 09/03/2016 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firesidechat · 09/03/2016 14:09

The blanket one is tricky. What can you do, apart from change to a sleeping bag maybe. I wouldn't want to swap to a dummy if you have managed without one up till now, but that's just me.

Notimefortossers · 09/03/2016 14:10

I would actually make a complaint about the way she spoke to your DH

firesidechat · 09/03/2016 14:16

I don't get the need to teach babies to walk at all. It's not like babies never learn to walk, unless they have an illness or disability of course. It doesn't matter when a baby walks within the wide range of normal as it's not like you can tell which were the late walkers by the time they reach a certain age. I'm fairly sure both my adult children walk perfectly adequately despite starting at different ages. It's a weird obsession these HVs have.

WizardOfToss · 09/03/2016 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.