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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think the hv has high expectations?

66 replies

NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 12:30

Ds has his 8-12 month check up today.

Most things he's ok on but some things he is behind on as normal.

However she wants me to get ds to start recognising words NOW.

For example sit down with a book, show him a baby, say baby and then later on ask him where the baby and expect him to point.

She wants me to start making him walk. He just started crawling and is pulling himself up but not yet cruising.

Apparently I should be teaching him to walk. It's my job.

We prefer to let them learn it in their own time with a bit of help when needed.

Ds sucks his blanket to sleep. This needs to stop apparently as its a choking hazard. Try to get him on a dummy instead

My dh needs to involve himself more.... Despite walking 40-50 hours a week

DS only turned one on the 4th.

So wibu to carry on as normal and let him figure things out for himself?

Dd didn't walk until she was 18 months so she was a late walker

OP posts:

YoJesse · 09/03/2016 14:24

I think health visitors are a mixed bag. I've had great support and advice from some and felt like I'm doing all wrong and getting judged by others.

I found mumsnet much more,useful for parenting queries.

The stock answer seems to be 'relax and this too shall pass' or 'go with your gut instinct if you feel something's wrong'

juniperdingleberries · 09/03/2016 14:24

I'd just put on a really concerned face and ask in a panicky way,

"Do you think this will affect his university application??"

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 09/03/2016 14:25

The blanket one is tricky. What can you do, apart from change to a sleeping bag maybe. I wouldn't want to swap to a dummy if you have managed without one up till now, but that's just me.

He already does to bed in a sleeping bag. He just has a blanket for sucking on.

Realistically thought, kids are sucking on their comfort teddies and no one raises a fuss about that. What's the difference between that and a blanket. It's a thick fleecy one sky not exactly easy to swallow

OP posts:

AuntDotsie · 09/03/2016 14:31

"Do you think this will affect his university application??"

I'm totally going to use that one at our upcoming appointment! I've been dreading it - there's a checklist and everything and 9mo DS doesn't do much on it. So glad I found this thread!

Paintedhandprints · 09/03/2016 14:41

Still feeling a bit disappointed that ds took his first steps into the middle of the room in front of hv and she wasn't suitably impressed. Or even interested actually. Hv was very interested to hear if dh was abusive or if I had started smoking though?!?
It's all just a ticklist really.

TheSilveryPussycat · 09/03/2016 14:45

Good grief. Years and years ago I learned on my degree course that learning to walk depended on nerve maturity. It just can't be taught!

BillBrysonsBeard · 09/03/2016 14:58

Please ignore OP, they do things in their own time! Had a few people wonder why DS wasn't saying words yet, well now he's hit 22 months he's started. Why are some people in such a rush? The HVs I met all had different advice, it seemed like just an opportunity for them to preach their own opinions. Nod and smile... Please don't worry about it and enjoy your baby as I'm sure you are

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/03/2016 15:08

OP you sound unfazed and I am sure your DS will get to walking without you cracking a whip.

juniper

Some HVs have an unhappy knack of being too earnest and keen to see every child conform. But I suppose it is her job to say that kind of thing. If you were raising concerns I expect she would take them seriously.

toomuchtooold · 09/03/2016 15:17

Oh christ I remember when they used to do this number on me and I had twins so it was virtually impossible to do all the shite you're supposed to do. Miraculously, at 4 they walk, talk and all those other things. Managed it all by themselves .

I do remember the HV once expressing concern, at about 10 months, that their walking progress had slowed down. That's because they'd been learning to climb up the stairs in out unstairgated house. Man, the earbashing I got for that (still didn't put stair gates up - first time either of them fell down the stairs was aged 3 and a half when she was pissing about wearing her new snow boots ).

Kitkatmonster · 09/03/2016 15:22

This is why I opt out of these 'checks' - trust your instincts, and don't be available next time!

BayLeaves · 10/03/2016 08:41

I just don't expect him to know what objects are till at least 18 months.

I disagree, I think a 1 year old recognises a lot of objects even if he can't actually say it or follow instructions to point at it. Just because he doesn't point at the car in the book when you say "where's the car?", that doesn't mean he doesn't know what a car is, or what the word "car" refers to. Its silly if the HV expects any baby or toddler to do the pointing thing on demand, they're not performing monkeys, but you should notice a few words that he seems to understand, or a few objects or people he seems to recognise.

Try encouraging him to copy animal noises when you look at animals in a book, as saying "mooo" and "baaa" is usually easier than saying "cow" and "sheep".

Lots of babies aren't walking by 12 months though.

RoboticSealpup · 10/03/2016 10:45

That sounds ridiculous. I would ignore everything except the advice about the blanket.

startrek90 · 10/03/2016 11:39

My Ds is 18 months old and not walking yet. He crawls (really fast) climbs everywhere (beds, sofas chairs etc) and can walk holding onto furniture. If there is no furniture he will push a chair or something whilst holding on and walking. I just think he will figure it out eventually he just gets where he needs to go already so is not interested in walking just now. However if you figure out how to teach a baby to walk let me know.

VikingLady · 10/03/2016 22:41

I think the main purpose of health visitors is for at-risk families. I've only ever known one worthwhile HV, and she was promoted so she isn't a HV any more! And I've met all of the ones in our town through work.

I have wondered whether they get neutralised when they get the job (Men in Black ref)

VikingLady · 10/03/2016 22:41

Neuralised not neutralised!

Heatherplant · 10/03/2016 23:13

I had a lovely and really helpful HV for the first check ups but for the last check up I had a HV with a real attitude problem. This one got out some seriously vile looking wooden blocks to see how DS 'interacted' with them (he didn't touch them) and asked some really patronizing questions about if we read to him (gave her a withering look and pointed out the ABC/Numbers books weren't for me and DH). Sounds like you just got a bad one out of the bunch and I wouldn't worry about it too much. Don't let it cloud your view though as I actually found the service really helpful and have spoken to them since for advice, it's like anything the few useless ones make good stories so they get talked about more and the many good ones then get overlooked.

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