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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think Dh is responsible for buying this?

58 replies

Cloudybutwarm · 07/03/2016 20:59

Ok it's slightly irrelevant as I'm a sahm so all our money comes from one source, it's more about the principal of the matter!

Dh snores. I mean snores like a train. Most nights. He is also a very heavy sleeper. I've survived it over the years but it has meant a lot of restless nights for me, which was manageable until we had children, and as the lucky person who deals with all the night wakings I really resent any further disturbance to my sleep!

A few months ago i heard about a mouldable mouth guard thing that had good reviews for helping stop snoring. I sent the info to Dh, he ordered one, and IT WORKED! Not 100% but the improvement was massive.

Now, the thing is they cost about £60 and over time they stretch and stop working and you need to get a new one... As is happening with dhs now - he's started snoring again even with it in. I said to him he needed to order a new one, and he said he thought I should pay for it! This is on the basis that his snoring is a problem for me and not a problem for him I feel that he's the one who does it, therefore it's down to him.

What do you think?!

OP posts:

whenwegettonarnia · 07/03/2016 21:01

I don't understand why you're arguing when all your money comes from the same source?

whenwegettonarnia · 07/03/2016 21:01

Do you each have an allowance? Can't you go halves?

Bearbehind · 07/03/2016 21:01

Given the first sentance- why is anything else even relevant

BitchSlapBingBunny · 07/03/2016 21:01

Are you arguing about who actually orders the item?

ToadsforJustice · 07/03/2016 21:02

As it is family money, I would order one. I would also take a long look at my relationship. What do you get out of it?

VoldysGoneMouldy · 07/03/2016 21:03

You'd sleep a lot better with him in a different house.

Meow75 · 07/03/2016 21:04

No, the snoring is not just your problem. Tell him to investigate sleep apnoea. Heavy and nightly snoring is a pretty good indicator, so it's actually in his interests - of not dying - to prevent snoring as much as possible.

I have sleep apnoea, and the difference being treated has made to my life is massive. Snore sleep isn't good sleep.

BlueMoonRising · 07/03/2016 21:05

When you say the money comes from the same source, would it be paid for via a joint account?

If so, what's the problem? It obviously doesn't bother him and it bothers you, so just get on and order it.

If it is your share of the money - that's slightly different.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 07/03/2016 21:06

£60 every few months is a lot of money! Earplugs are cheaper!
Anyway just buy it and give it to him. If later on he says "Oh you can't afford to do xyz because of that mouth guard you bought me" then he's a twat.

leelu66 · 07/03/2016 21:07

If he's expecting you to pay for it with child benefit or something then YANBU.

If you are going to pay for it out of his earnings, then YABU.

It doesn't matter who buys it, be glad he's happy to wear it.

silvermantela · 07/03/2016 21:07

presumably if you kicked him awake every time his snoring woke you up it soon would become as much as a problem for him as it is for you??

PegsPigs · 07/03/2016 21:10

Yes kick him awake every time and each time ask him if his snoring is his problem or yours!

And show him about sleep apnoea.

And just buy the sodding thing out of joint funds

Original poster

Cloudybutwarm · 07/03/2016 21:10

It's not really about the money, hence the first sentence. We are not short of money. It's the principal - is his snoring my problem or his problem?

OP posts:

LittleRedSparke · 07/03/2016 21:11

Just kick him every time, it'll soon be a family problem

ouryve · 07/03/2016 21:14

If he's snoring, he surely can't be sleeping well, himself?

It's his problem and he's being a dickhead if he doesn't care how it affects you. Tell him he either takes responsibility for fixing it or buggers off to the sofa for the night.

If he does neither of those things, give him a shake and tell him he's snoring again, every single time he wakes you up with it.

BitchSlapBingBunny · 07/03/2016 21:15

Just asked dp (also a snorer) whose problem the snoring is - he said it's your dh. He snores, and shouldn't be so stubborn about solving the problem.

travailtotravel · 07/03/2016 21:15

He needs to recognise the impact his snoring and selfishness in sorting it out (or not) has on you.

I have this with DH.

A discussion about how unattractive it was, as well as a recording of him snoring (I can't have been I was awake literally all night ... oh yea, wanna bet).

In a less grown up way of hastening the issue to a conclusion, no new mouth guard, no nookie!

Judydreamsofhorses · 07/03/2016 21:20

My partner is a massive snorer - he's been checked over by the doctor and while he could probably do with losing half a stone, there is nothing wrong with him. I wear earplugs, and he uses a nasal spray the GP recommended, plus a sort of clip thing that is supposed to open up his nostrils. None of these are a magic bullet. He pays for all of these things, and also goes to the spare room if there have been a couple of bad nights so I can get a decent sleep. Snoring - and not being able to sleep - is v v annoying and you have my sympathies, OP. (On occasion I have fantasised about stabbing him in the night.)

Bluetrews25 · 07/03/2016 21:21

So when your kids are noisy teens who want to game online noisily all night, will it be up to the kids to shut up, or him to use earplugs?

leelu66 · 07/03/2016 21:21

if he's asking you to pay for it, give him £60 from the joint account and tell him to go buy the thing.

rookiemere · 07/03/2016 21:22

It does seem like an expensive solution.

But like others I'm confused by what you mean when he says you should pay for it when your resources are pooled.

DH snores a bit more after drinking and I find the Boots wax muffles earplugs are quite effective.

msrisotto · 07/03/2016 21:23

You need to take up something equally as offensive, then tell him it's his problem not yours because it doesn't bother you.

camtt · 07/03/2016 21:25

is his snoring my problem or his problem?
his problem, in the sense that he is doing the snoring and he can take himself off to get some medical advice to try to stop it/or buy the mouth guard. Obviously it's a problem for you, but not one you can do much about.

Perhaps you could investigate some way to create noxious farts, then tell him you're not bothered by them so it's his problem?

Maryz · 07/03/2016 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MouldyPeach · 07/03/2016 21:27

He could get a mouth guard on prescription, and also advice on how to reduce snoring/sleep apnea from his GP.

I'd say the snoring is a problem for everyone effected and that certainly includes him because it will be disrupting his sleep, even if he doesn't awaken fully each time to realise it.

Just order the guard and get a good nights sleep. Suggest the gp but you can't force him to look after his own health.

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