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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my brother is a lying, cheating scumbag!

68 replies

ShutUpAndEatYourBurger · 03/03/2016 12:34

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I have just found out that my brother has a double life he's has a whole other family!

Hes been with his partner for 19 years and they have 4 kids together, hes cheated on her a few times but she wont leave him.

I am disgusted to find out hes been playing away with another woman and playing daddy to her 4 kids for 5 years, hes been telling his partner hes been working away when in reality hes been staying with the OW 4 nights a week.

I thought his partner was cluless and maybe she really is but the OW is a family friend and my brother has this OW name tattooed on his body, his excuse? "Shes my best friend"

I dont want anything more to do with him but our other siblings are supporting him.

AIBU to think there all fucking weird?

OP posts:
ComeonSummer1 · 03/03/2016 12:38

Sounds weird but other people's relationships can be. Are you sure his partner had no idea?

Anyway I would support the hurt but keep out of the row.

Original poster
ShutUpAndEatYourBurger · 03/03/2016 13:04

IME even if his partner knew she wouldnt do anything about it, she has been told multiple times that hes cheated on her and she just refuses to believe it.

I have sympathy for his partner, it must be horrible to live with with such a selfish man but she should have protected her children from this, they idolize there father and they are heartbroken.

OP posts:
cannotlogin · 03/03/2016 13:11

she should have protected her children from this, they idolize there father and they are heartbroken

what? your brother's partner should take responsibility for his behaviour?

I get that you are upset and trying to process difficult information. But it is not your ex's partner's job to somehow protect her children from a philandering father. That's his responsibility, no on else's. Be angry with the right people here.

Original poster
ShutUpAndEatYourBurger · 03/03/2016 13:16

Im angry with both of them, my poor nieces and nephews have had there lives ripped apart because there dad couldnt keep it in his pants and there mother choose to ignore his behaviour, yeah hes to blame for cheating but shes to blame for staying witg him.

OP posts:
Halftruth · 03/03/2016 13:24

It's crazy how some people can live in denial ... How many other times has he done this to them? ... My mother was very pernicious and my father new ... Everyone new ... But noone thought about what it was doing to me and my siblings ...i had extreme trust issue's when it comes to commited relationship as i thought for many years it was just expected and accepted ... I didn't want that .... Hopefully she 'll wise up or maybe she's just got the put up and shut up mentality...

cannotlogin · 03/03/2016 13:27

Jesus wept. With family like you, who the hell needs enemies?

Your nieces and nephew's lives have been ripped apart because of the cheating actions of your brother. How would facing his behaviour face on have made a difference? She could have left him, sure, but how would that change the outcome today? Your brother could cared enough about his family to not find himself another family to run alongside, eh? Maybe focus on the person who has actually behaved badly here.

His partner needs support now. Not to have the blame for this put at her door.

VitaSackvileVest · 03/03/2016 13:28

...yea blame her too Hmm

NeedsAsockamnesty · 03/03/2016 13:33

She refuses to believe it so they are still ticking along?

Halftruth · 03/03/2016 13:33

Does she love him ? Or does she see it as a financial security...or may status some people are like that there would rather be in a relationship with there childrens Father thinking it for the best .... Maybe she does know and she doing her own thing too ...

Halftruth · 03/03/2016 13:35

Sorry i did't read before i posted

Original poster
ShutUpAndEatYourBurger · 03/03/2016 13:36

She knew he was cheating, she has been told by family members and the people he's cheated with.

I do blame him and i wont be having anything more to do with him but i will not support her, the family offered to help her get away when he done it the first time, they were gonna sort out a house, money and anything she needed to start over but she wouldnt leave him.

i will support my nieces and nephew, if she had of left when they were young there wouldnt be so much damsoe now.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShutUpAndEatYourBurger · 03/03/2016 13:38

Maybe she loves him but i doubt its for the money as he hasnt really got any, everything he makes goes on keeping the business a float and she does all the work anyway!

OP posts:
Original poster
ShutUpAndEatYourBurger · 03/03/2016 13:40

She refuses to believe it so they are still ticking along?

Yes shes staying with him, she believes its just his 'friend'.

OP posts:
Halftruth · 03/03/2016 13:44

I though women were like the fbi when it came to this sort of stuff ... Denial i think strange how people minds work

diddl · 03/03/2016 13:49

How are the children damaged if they are staying together?

Do they know about the OW & are being forced to play happy families with her & her kids?

Are you pissed off because SIL won't do as you want?

Isn't it up to her to stay with him or not?

shoeaddict83 · 03/03/2016 13:52

Have i read that right- your brother had the name of the OW tattooed on him...and his wife didnt question this or think of this as proof of what everyone was saying?? Confused

Original poster
ShutUpAndEatYourBurger · 03/03/2016 13:54

Because there not as naive as there mother they know exactly what there dads up too.

No im pissed off that shes letting my nieces and nephews suffer.

If they didnt have children id say yes but atm i think she should act in the best interests of them.

OP posts:
Paulat2112 · 03/03/2016 13:55

It is unfair to blame his partner. You have no idea why she has stayed with him all these years and is even there now, you don't know what goes on in their house behind closed doors. He could have been wearing her down, making her feel worthless, emotionally abusing her.

You don't know.

Maybe you should speak to her and find out what ways you could possibly help her?

Original poster
ShutUpAndEatYourBurger · 03/03/2016 13:56

Yes exactly right, he claims the OW is his best friend and therefore is okay he has her name tattooed on his arm where everyone can see it Hmm

OP posts:
Halftruth · 03/03/2016 13:57

Shoe addict ... It just seems like common sense .WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT ? and do the children know ?

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 03/03/2016 13:59

Well, yes, he obviously is a lying, cheating, scumbag.

I'm not sure why you wouldn't support your SIL though? She may well be denial - it certainly sounds as though she is - but she's the one your brother has betrayed, lied to, cheated on. It's her life that stands to be torn apart. I think she deserves a rather much kinder response from you. Just because she opted to forgive him and stay with him previously, doesn't mean she shouldn't be supported now. It's very harsh to blame her for the fact her children are upset because she puts up with your brother's terrible behaviour isn't it?

The whole situation is your brother's fault alone - please don't lose sight of that.

Halftruth · 03/03/2016 14:01

Where's the respect for herself ... I mean there must be some sort of self-esteem issue here at least ... What do the children think does anyone speak to them about it or do they just hear everyone else duscussing there parents ..

Original poster
ShutUpAndEatYourBurger · 03/03/2016 14:03

If you read further up i do explain that the family were willing to help her leave him and we would have anytime she asked but she continues to support him and deny the affairs.

Hes only with his partner 3 days out of 7 the other 4 days hes with the OW.

shes had chance after chance to leave him.

OP posts:
BlueEyesAndDarkChocolate · 03/03/2016 14:06

Jeepers, how do people find the time?

Your posts are contradictory though. Why are the children's lives ruined if they are not separating? And who the hell thought it was a good idea to tell the kids anything?

Halftruth · 03/03/2016 14:08

I think the damage would be the kids knowing that there father is doing this to there mother and the embarrassment of everybody knowing