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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with family

62 replies

Littlehooty · 29/02/2016 08:44

I'm a first time poster so please be kind!
My 29 year old brother is moving out of the country. He has been living 4 hours away from home since he was 17.
But now my mum keeps banging on about my brother and he amazing he is to have landed his dream job, how she can't wait to go and visit him, how she's so emotional that her first born is leaving - her quote from FB status

Then she keeps saying I bet you can't wait to visit him. Told her to get stuffed.

FWIW I feel like she is acting like this for her PFB. Whereas I dropped out of school, repeatedly drunk underage, thousands of boyfriends, pregnant at 19. My brother did the opposite of that, got a uni degree and seems happy
Also felt unwanted when she told me she stopped smoking when she was pregnant with my brother but smoked throughout when pregnant with me
AIBU?

OP posts:
wannabestressfree · 29/02/2016 08:47

Sorry you sound about five. She is proud of him and sounds like she has reason to be..and?

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/02/2016 08:48

So, you're jealous of your brother then?

acasualobserver · 29/02/2016 08:49

Told her to get stuffed

That wasn't very nice.

Lj8893 · 29/02/2016 08:50

Without sounding judgy, but it sounds like she has every right and reason to be proud of your brother. That doesn't make him the favourite or you unwanted.

Original poster
Littlehooty · 29/02/2016 08:50

Not jealous as such because apart from a degree he hasn't got much. I just feel like my mum has had zero support for me, but as soon as her son does something it's so amazing and she talks about it non stop

OP posts:
Sunshine87 · 29/02/2016 08:51

You sound jealsous of your brothers success. Be happy for him your mother is entitled to feel proud. Doesn't mean shes not proud of you either just your life went in a different direction. My brother went to uni, so did i but i got pregnant in my final year. We lead different lives but no one is better than the other.

theycallmemellojello · 29/02/2016 08:51

She's allowed to express pride in him. That's fine. But it sounds like you feel undervalued by her. That's a separate issue. Do you see her much? Apart from the smoking in pregnancy thing (I understand why that' upsetting), why do you feel undervalued?

CooPie10 · 29/02/2016 08:51

Whereas I dropped out of school, repeatedly drunk underage, thousands of boyfriends, pregnant at 19. My brother did the opposite of that, got a uni degree and seems happy

Well can you really blame her. One child made her proud. You could have done the same. She doesn't sound pfb, she sounds happy for him making his way in life.

Stillunexpected · 29/02/2016 08:52

So your brother has done well for himself, your mother is pleased and you just want to rain all over their parade? Is there more to this?

Lj8893 · 29/02/2016 08:53

How do you know she doesn't gush about you to him?

My dad always goes on to me about how well my brother has done, how proud he is etc etc. he does the exact same to my brother about me!

Original poster
Littlehooty · 29/02/2016 08:54

No more to it really. I couldn't concentrate at school, I moved three times across the UK so always got bullied for my accent so I never settled down and tried

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlehooty · 29/02/2016 08:55

Because I don't do anything amazing or to be proud of.

OP posts:
CooPie10 · 29/02/2016 08:56

But he has done well with his life, she is allowed to be proud of that and talk about it if she wants?

Lj8893 · 29/02/2016 08:56

Well that's not your mums fault is it?!

theycallmemellojello · 29/02/2016 08:58

You sound like you have very low self-esteem and are hung up about what happened years ago. In the nicest way, no one cares that you got drunk as a teenager (what teenager doesn't anyway) or how many boyfriends you had. So don't dwell on that. If you regret dropping out of school, could you look into adult education options? Is there a job you'd really like to do? You're definitely young enough to train for a new career if you wanted. Did you have the baby at 19? If so, that's something to be proud of right there. I agree with a pp that we all have our own paths to happiness.

Original poster
Littlehooty · 29/02/2016 08:58

I never said it was her fault. But I've had a child, she might not have wanted to be a granmother but she never says anything nice. Never shows she cares, never helps, never gives me support

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 29/02/2016 08:58

But he would have moved a number of times too, surely?

If you feel disappointed in your achievements to date then do something about that. Otherwise, stop complaining and being bitter.

Original poster
Littlehooty · 29/02/2016 08:59

But I feel like my mum cares about all of that, because she knows if that didn't happen that I could have been more sensible or gone futher with my life. Very very low self esteem, I'm actually crying that I've written thisBlush

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlehooty · 29/02/2016 09:01

No because he was living away when I was still in school

OP posts:
YakTriangle · 29/02/2016 09:01

Is this some kind of reverse that I don't quite understand? I can't believe that you would say such negative things about yourself. Your self esteem is through the floor is that's really your opinion of your life.

Alisvolatpropiis · 29/02/2016 09:03

How old are you now op?

Original poster
Littlehooty · 29/02/2016 09:04

22

OP posts:
Lj8893 · 29/02/2016 09:06

I feel for you, you have really low self esteem and have had a rough ride so far.

BUT, you sound really bitter of your brothers success and that's not fair, was he meant to not do well because you didn't?

theycallmemellojello · 29/02/2016 09:07

Oh dear, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Don't undermine the importance of your job raising a child - that's huge, although I can understand it's disheartening if your mum doesn't appreciate it or seem to appreciate it. It's said often on here that comparison is the thief of joy. Don't worry about what your brother has done. Also, there's no point trying to see yourself through others' eyes. The secret to self-esteem is that you value yourself for yourself - not for whatever others might think of you, or what you think they might think of you.

Concentrate on what you have achieved - lots I'm sure if you think about how far your dc has come, especially if you didn't have as much family support as you might have and especially think about what you might want to achieve. No young mothers have time for much beyond looking after their kids in the early years, so don't worry about that.

Working towards achievable goals is a great way to feel better about yourself - eg working up to running a 5k, learning to knit, learning to cook something new etc. It might be a good idea to think of 'life goals' and how you could achieve them at some point, but if you're feeling sad and overwhelmed at the moment maybe it's best to work on overcoming that first.

Hamsterpotty · 29/02/2016 09:08

Do you have dreams of becoming a driving instructor?

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