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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to the party?

65 replies

Fratelli · 20/02/2016 08:15

It's my dp's auntie's birthday party tonight. We have a 1yo ds who woke at 3:30 this morning for no apparent reason. I brought him downstairs after we both tried to get him back to sleep as dp was unbelievable grumpy.

Ds went back to sleep at 7 for 40 mins so I got 30 mins sleep. When he woke I asked dp to get ds as I'd already got up with him and could do with extra sleep as he's already had some (I'd been up with ds til 1am the night before, he's usually a great sleeper). I also have a bad headache. Dp refused and was again really mardy even though he got at least an extra hours sleep. I told him he was being selfish and that he could go to the party without me and I'll tell mum not to babysit.

The party is an hours drive there and an hour back. Would I bu to not go?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/02/2016 08:19

If you know and like DP's aunt, them yes you should go the party. An hours drive is nothing. You can come home earlier than planned, if you feel tired whilst you are there.

Katenka · 20/02/2016 08:22

It depends.

You dh was being a dick. But refusing to go a party to get back at him is petty.

If you genuinely don't want to go and you barely know the aunt then fine. But don't use her party to get at him.

It's not fair.

RoganJosh · 20/02/2016 08:23

Can you have a nap before tonight?

OwlinaTree · 20/02/2016 08:23

Will your ds nap in the day? You could have a nap too before leaving for the party?

blueturtle6 · 20/02/2016 08:24

No going to a party when sleep deprived is no fun. Still ask for your mum to babysit and catch up on zzz

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 08:35

No chance of napping later as I just can't sleep in the daytime. I don't really want to go anyway as I would have liked to have used a rare babysitter to do something just dp and I. Dp's family will pressure me into staying til the end as they're well meaning. If I don't it's just not worth dp being grumpy whilst he's had a drink and I can't due to driving. I've also only met her once.

I should add dp's been off work since Xmas eve with a knee injury so I've been working sometimes 7 days a week and doing everything around the house and with ds. My job's very physical which is also why I'm tired.

OP posts:
TheBigRedBoat · 20/02/2016 08:38

You have bigger issues than a party, your DH is acting like brat. If you don't want to go to the party, don't go. Nothing to do with lack of sleep but you don't HAVE to go to a party if someone you hardly know when you're not in the mood

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/02/2016 08:42

I don't really want to go anyway - that's coming over loud and clear. But if your DP wants to go and see his family - forgetting about whether or not he was being an arse last night as that would be the case whether you went out to the party or just out with DP as you would prefer - I think you should support him.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/02/2016 08:42

If you're working 7 days a week and doing all the housework it was completely unreasonable of your partner not to get up with your son. I don't understand why a knee injury is so incapacitating. I know people who are paralysed from the waist down and do far more than he's been doing.

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 08:43

He's still asleep currently. I know I don't have to but I have a really guilty conscience about things. Pps think I'm bu and petty so I suppose I had better go in case his family see me like that!

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/02/2016 08:45

If OP has been working flat out for 2 months her partner should support her in spending what little free time she has doing what she wants. Let him go to the party alone if he can sort out transport.

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 08:46

testing - I know! I think he could have done more than he made out tbh! He's back to work next week but only 3 half days.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 20/02/2016 08:47

I wouldn't go either.. Tired and driving which means no plonk to numb the pain? No thank you.

Refusing to pitch in so I can catch up on sleep would turn me into a harridan anyway, especially if he was off work and I was doing it all.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/02/2016 08:49

Is the party in her house, or at a hall or hotel? I'm just thinking in terms of whether it will definitely end at a certain time. If you are going to be pressurised into staying until 2 or 3 am at a house party, whilst not drinking and then driving sloshed DP whilst you're knackered, that might be different.

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 08:53

It's at a pub opposite their house so we can go to the house after!

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 20/02/2016 08:55

Of course you shouldn't drive to and from party when you had no sleep last night.

You stayed up with the kid until 1.30am.
You got up with the kid at 3.30.
You got up this morning.

All while Mr Hasn't Worked in Months snoozed his pretty head off?

He's a dick.

Stay in tonight, have a rest and a good think about why you stay with such a lazy, useless shite.

MudCity · 20/02/2016 08:56

I wouldn't go. It's a party. That's all. Try to get some rest instead.

DH can go on his own.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/02/2016 08:57

Hmm, I don't know then. He sounds selfish, and unlikely to leave if you get too tired.

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 09:03

His mum and dad live near us so I suppose a compromise could be going for a bit then coming home when I choose and dp getting a lift if he doesn't want to leave?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 20/02/2016 09:05

He can go with his folks then

You stay home and relax

Job done

BathtimeFunkster · 20/02/2016 09:05

Why compromise?

You got no sleep last night and he's still asleep.

After a sleepless night during which he was a dick to you, you don't need to compromise.

Do what maximises your sleep and enjoyment.

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 09:05

Thanks for all the replies!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 09:07

I think I'll stay home!

OP posts:
kiwimumof2boys · 20/02/2016 09:07

I should add dp's been off work since Xmas eve with a knee injury so I've been working sometimes 7 days a week and doing everything around the house and with ds. My job's very physical which is also why I'm tired.

Why wasn't he up with your DS in the night then? Your DP sounds like a selfish arse. Sorry.
And YANBU not to go to the party. Let your mum still babysit and have a relaxing evening to yourself.

RoganJosh · 20/02/2016 09:09

Is there a reason DP couldn't drive? It might mean you leave a bit earlier.

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