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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to the party?

65 replies

Fratelli · 20/02/2016 08:15

It's my dp's auntie's birthday party tonight. We have a 1yo ds who woke at 3:30 this morning for no apparent reason. I brought him downstairs after we both tried to get him back to sleep as dp was unbelievable grumpy.

Ds went back to sleep at 7 for 40 mins so I got 30 mins sleep. When he woke I asked dp to get ds as I'd already got up with him and could do with extra sleep as he's already had some (I'd been up with ds til 1am the night before, he's usually a great sleeper). I also have a bad headache. Dp refused and was again really mardy even though he got at least an extra hours sleep. I told him he was being selfish and that he could go to the party without me and I'll tell mum not to babysit.

The party is an hours drive there and an hour back. Would I bu to not go?

OP posts:
LastOneDancing · 20/02/2016 09:11

Your DP basically said 'I don't want to help you - YOU do it' when he refused to take your DS this morning. DH tried that shit with me once. Only once.

Is DP going to take DS out today so you can rest? Is your DP going to get up tonight if DS kicks off again? If no, then sorry, you need to stay and catch up on sleep.

The priority should not be supporting a grown man at a party with his family. It should be your welfare.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 20/02/2016 09:16

You don't really want to go anyway, so definitely don't go when you're tired and 'd'p isn't pulling his weight.
I'd go for the option of mum babysitting, you catch up on some rest, and forgo going on date with dp.

blindsider · 20/02/2016 09:19

Go to the party but ask him to drive so you can sleep both ways in the car??

magoria · 20/02/2016 09:26

Keep your mum babysitting.

Spend the night at home alone. Relaxing.

Think about whether you want to continue a relationship with a guy who sounds like a selfish price on the little you have posted.

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 09:26

Dp won't drive as he wants a drink. He said he'll drive there. I think I'll still have mum babysit but have some time to myself at home! I'm just hurt as his actions this morning have shown he thinks his own wellbeing is far important than mine.

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 20/02/2016 09:30

^Dp won't drive as he wants a drink.

Holy fuck. I presumed his bad knee meant he couldn't drive.

But actually he wants you to be his taxi driver after a full night and morning of looking after his kid while he slept?

He is a very shit man.

Only1scoop · 20/02/2016 09:30

Good decision Op

Personally I'd do exactly the same

UsernameIncorrect · 20/02/2016 09:51

He's a dick.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/02/2016 09:51

I've about turned from my 'you should go' after your opening post.i don't think you should go now after reading your subsequent posts.

< unless you need to be there for party givers sake. It's so stressful hosting a party I think it's awful when people pull out of going at the last minute when you've committed to going. Just saying that as a "by the way". I don't think it applies in your case but why my initial reaction was that you should go>

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 10:00

Thanks! I will ring her to tell her. Her birthday was in the week so we sent her card and gift. Sorry to be a bit drip feedy, I'm just tired! And he's still in bed!

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 20/02/2016 10:02

get your mum to babysit and stay home and have a really good night's rest. he can go by himself and do whatever the hell he pleases, as he's used to doing.

BathtimeFunkster · 20/02/2016 10:08

He's still in bed?! Shock

That's a serious lie in for a parent of a baby.

The idea that you'd take that lie in when your partner had been up all night is just staggering.

That is not how people treat people they love.

It's just not.

rollonthesummer · 20/02/2016 10:09

He sounds quite unpleasant. I'd ring the aunt and tell her exactly why you're not going. They can see what he's like then- if my DH behaved like that, his mother would be very cross with him!!

Do you need your mum to babysit if you're not going out?

madmotherof2 · 20/02/2016 10:19

I agree with Rollon, tell his family why you aren't going!!

What a knob!!

Make sure you get yourself some nice Chocs for your evening inGrin

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 10:26

Ohhh madmother I hadn't even thought about chocs!!
roll no she doesn't need to babysit but she is happy to anyway as her dp's kids are there, they're 8 and 12. Yes I may tell her why I'm not going.
bathtime I know Sad Unfortunately it's preferable to him being in a foul mood all day. It's ridiculous.

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 20/02/2016 11:04

Yes, it is ridiculous.

You deserve a lot more than this.

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 11:25

I shall be telling him that when he actually wakes up!

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 20/02/2016 11:57

He is behaving like a child. I presume this isn't the first time he has ever behaved like this?!

I will refrain from saying LTB, but suggest you go and wake him up and get back to bed yourself. Tell him now there is no way you are ok to drive on so little sleep so won't be going. Ring his parents and aunt too.

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 12:30

roll you're right it isn't the first time. He's up now so I've handed him the baby and I'm currently running myself a hot bubble bath!

OP posts:
coconutpie · 20/02/2016 12:36

Glad to hear you're not going. No way would I go either in those circumstances. Hope you have a nice relaxing night tonight, OP Flowers

BathtimeFunkster · 20/02/2016 12:37

Did he allude to the extraordinary situation of the father of a baby, whose wife has been up all night with said baby, staying in bed until lunchtime?

He's really failing at fatherhood.

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 14:13

He tried to make out like it was my fault and that I was being mardy! I'm still waiting for an apology.....

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 20/02/2016 14:36

He's not very nice to you, is he?

I can't even remember the last time either DH or I slept until lunchtime and our youngest is 3.

Original poster
Fratelli · 20/02/2016 14:38

Mostly he is but it's days like this I question if it's worth it. My lay ins are usually until around 8:30.

OP posts:
BathtimeFunkster · 20/02/2016 14:57

It's not just the length of his lie in, but that he took it without prior agreement when you had had no sleep because he refused to look after his child.

Now he expects you to be his taxi driver while he goes on the piss at a family party.

His behaviour oozes contempt for you.