To think I wouldn't last 5 minutes on Tindr

[Revengeoftheseabass]

Overweight, nerdy bloke, 40 this year and still living with my parents.

It's the perfect storm of unattractiveness, I know, but I still try on some dating sites. However, I just think Tindr would crush me once and for all..

You never know, are you hardy? Ie could you cope with it if it didn't work out on Tindr, if you are then try it and see what happens! You won't know unless you try. Also one person's nerdy is another person's cool!

I'm not au fait with Tindr but you have a nice line in self-deprecating humour.

Only you can change your RL profile, should you wish to - do you wish to?

(ps it's checky!)

Go for it op!

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Regret what you don't do, not what you do.

I'd do it, I honestly think that there is someone out there for everyone, as long as you don't expect instant success.

The think with Tinder is that you'll never know if someone you've 'liked' has seen your profile at all. You can only communicate once you've both liked each other's profiles - so at least you'll know that anyone you chat to is already attracted to your profile. You can also set age limits so you won't get a bunch of 20-somethings.

Give it a go - you can always delete the app if you don't like it.

I'm on tindr. I'm late 20's and think i'm reasonable attractive and having spent 6 months on it and not one date i think its a pile of shite. I've had one conversation. Nobody is interested in chatting. People match you then dont respond when you message them. It has me completely baffled.

OP you sound a lot like how a friend of mine would've described himself a few years back. He then met a lovely woman on eHarmony and they've been happily married for 2 years now.

As this article goes to show, there is someone for everyone...

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/feb/13/bristlr-to-trekdating-found-love-niche-dating-site

As to your circumstances, not sure weight or indeed nerdiness are deal breakers for everyone and living with your parents in the current financial climate not totally unusual. It depends on your own expectations too. If dating sites aren't working out then an adult evening class?

I personally wouldn't have tried it either.

I know another overweight 40something nerdy bloke (school friend) who lived with his mum until they moved - I think he rented or bought a flat as they sold family home for big profit.

Anyway they had a family friend who used to date his younger brother, she's now emigrated but in summer the 40something nerdy bloke met her cousin (40something couple of kids, attractive woman) at a party. They'd met before but both of them had been attached, they've been together ever since and seem happy as Larry. True love can happen.

Thanks all!

I've tried OKC and Guardian Soulmates over the years, but haven't had much success - a handful of dates which, whilst they've not been unmitigated disasters, have never actually led to a second date.

The one thing that puts me off Tindr is that it seems very much based on appearances.

I like the link kimmy posted, do you have any interests like that, you could see if there are any dating agencies based on stuff you like.
Do you work? Could you investigate whether any colleagues have any single friends?
You sound like a nice bloke, do you know why your other dates didn't lead to a second? (If you don't mind me asking)
dh's favourite fish is sea bass.

For a guy I wouldn't recommend Tinder.

I do know a couple of guys who have met nice woman off there, but mostly for men its all spam. Sending you links to cam girls etc

But try it and see, its free and you can set your location and age preference.

I've really no idea as to why they didn't progress, Hannah - a couple of them e-mailed me back to say "sorry, there was no spark, etc.", but other simply didn't either didn't respond to further e-mails, or our contact just petered out.

I do work, and also have pretty varied interests, but I always feel really awkward about flagging up to friends and colleagues the fact that I'm looking for a relationship! Silly, I know!

My sister let me nosey on her tindr account this weekend, while visiting from afar so not an issue to swipe left to them all. It's very shallow with only looks being the indicator of whether you like someone, some did post more info which helps but there are better options where people are more serious about finding a proper relationship and for more than looks. I know some marriages via match and other paid for sites.

And you can lose weight and move out so they aren't permanent things to write you off for, your age and nerdy-ness may not be changeable but they will appeal to plenty of women out there.

I find many people are sick of being single and online dating but you do have to kiss a lot of frogs to find someone. A woman I knew had about 60 dates before she met the one. I guess you really know when it's right after meeting that many men. And I don't think looks are a barrier unless you only go for supermodel types.

Maybe find some other dating agencies based on some of your interests?

I'd go for a paid dating site and write a careful and witty profile about your personality and interests and post some honest photos.

And look for a flat / studio.

Fgs, move out of your parent's house and not just so you can find a woman !

I wouldn't last 5 mins on Tinder either, you are not alone in that.

Tinder does sound very ruthless.

Why do you still live with your parents? That would not be very appealing, I have to admit!

Myself and about 9 of my friends met their husbands on Match.com. And, for the record, when I met my husband he was not quite 40, a bit podgy, lived at home and completely and utterly tied to the apron strings. He is the most wonderful husband and father I could wish for (and now completely untied!)

Why not make the chances that will make you feel better about yourself? Like, get your own place, lose weight, pursue some new interests that let you meet other people.

You don't like your story, so make the changes :)

I met my overweight, geeky now DH on Match.com. I would try that over Tindr.
I've never been on Tindr but it seems to be aimed at young people who just want to hook up.

I think that telling the OP to move out is easier said than done.

Don't despair OP. I met my DP (now DH) via my hobby website (it was that long ago mine was the only one on the web on a particular topic at that time). He was in his 30s and lived at home. I was in my 20s and lived at home. Saying either of us is podgy is a hell of an understatement! We got chatting, and the rest, as they say, is history. Whilst we do look like an uglier version of Shrek and Fiona , we are happy and have been together over 15 years now. Could you join some hobby/interest related forums, and see who's online there rather than a specific dating site?