To think I wouldn't last 5 minutes on Tindr

[Revengeoftheseabass]

Overweight, nerdy bloke, 40 this year and still living with my parents.

It's the perfect storm of unattractiveness, I know, but I still try on some dating sites. However, I just think Tindr would crush me once and for all..

[HeresMe]

I've been on tinder for a while I used to be 18 stone living with parents now 11 stone and living on my own but still have problems attracing women so don't worry do much

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

Have you ever moved out? Or have you always lived at home?

[TeaOnEverest]

Stephen?

[HatieKokpins]

Lose weight, move out, stop whining.

[suzannecaravaggio]

Overweight man still living with parents has zero sexual !market value and very low chance of scoring on a hookup site
You could up your game and get in shape though

Your parents maybe approaching the stage where they would welcome a live in carer and so from their point of view it may be an advantage to keep you dependent on them for the time being

[mpje]

Unconfidence is very unattractive.

You sound self destructive concentrating on the negatives and not the positives.

[squoosh]

Geeky and overweight wouldn't be a the biggies for me. Living with your parents and not being in a rush to change that situation would be a major turn off though.

[celeste83]

It was more a response to someone saying they wouldn't date a guy who lives with his parents full stop. Its definitely more difficult for a guy on a low paid job to have their own place than for a lady to.

[AnyFucker]

OP isn't in that situation though, celeste. He says he lives with his parents for a "better standard of living" gets his keks washed and his meals cooked

[LordBuckley]

I'm not going to beat about the bush regarding why I live it home - it suits me. As much as I find it frustrating from time to time, I've enjoyed a better standard of living than I would have done had I had my own place.

I think this is the crux of the problem.

Geeky is no problem, overweight you could fix if you really wanted to, and some women won't mind anyway, but most women are going to find your lack of desire to live independently from your parents massively offputting.

I couldn't wait to leave mine (who were perfectly OK), and lived in a series of awful bedsits for several years. A higher standard of living is much less important than growing up independently.

[celeste83]

Its easier for single woman to have their own place than single men. By 40 most woman have children, and one way or another will get financial support for their own place. Men don't have this, and if they are paying maintenance for a child from a previous relationship then it can be very tight financially to have their own place. I think its a bit harsh judging a guy on living with his parents.

[celeste83]

My brother is on POF and says its very difficult to even get a conversation started hardly anyone replies to a message even if you read their profile and talk about something they have in common. My brother ain't a bad looking guy and has a decent job.

[harshbuttrue1980]

I agree with what a lot of people have said. I actually really like geeky men as I'm a bit of a geek too. A few extra pounds wouldn't bother me, as long as you were able to move around without problems and be reasonably active as I enjoy walking.

However, I would be worried about the fact that you were still with your parents, as it would make it seem like you are a bit immature and not able to stand on your own two feet. If you were living at home while saving to get a place of your own, that wouldn't put me off, but if you were doing it indefinitely then I would worry that you were a mummy's boy.

[sheffieldsteeler]

Unless you have your mum and dad sitting behind you on your bed doing cheery thumbs up on your Tinder profile pic, how would anyone know you live at home?!

[CantChoose]

Oh, and I wouldn't bother with tinder from what friends have said about it - though pp's seem to have found it ok!

[CantChoose]

JessieMcJessie is right on both counts.

You say living with your parents gives you a better standard of living is fine but you will have to decide how much having a relationship is part of your standard of living too.

I'm nearly thirty (if that's relevant!) and wouldn't consider dating someone who lived with their parents unless it was very temporary or they were there as a carer. Sorry!

[Keletubbie]

You sound nice. Shall we get a coffee?

[HelpfulChap]

Go for it. Let potential partners all the good things you have to offer, don't focus on the negative.

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

Tinder's a hook-up site, isn't it?You just meet for sex, not dating/relationships

Sigh. No it's really not. See above. Some use it for hooking up but it's become so ubiquitous that the user demographic has changed massively and there are lots and lots of people on there looking for dating and relationships. It's just the way dating sites have evolved.

[JessieMcJessie]

There you go then. Living at home with your parents at 40 suits you. Having a relationship would suit you. The two are mutually incompatible. You need to choose.

Also, overweight is easy to fix if you really want to.

[KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes]

Tinder's a hook-up site, isn't it?

You just meet for sex, not dating/relationships.

[VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon]

There are plenty of 40 something men on tinder, I have dated a couple of them. I'm 35 and have a child so not a flighty young thing.
Tinder (not tindr, you're confusing it with Grindr) is what uou make of it. There are people looking to hook up and people only interested in the profile pic but there are so so many users that there are also lots of genuine, normal people.
I love the fact that you have to match before you can message, it cuts lots of the crap and makes you more focused. I look at people's bios and only spend time on men who have looked at mine.
Anyway the point is you should give it a try. As long as you aren't setting your age parameters to 19-25 you are highly likely to get some matches, not all women are the same, many aren't that fussed abut looks, and many (shock horror) will actually like a bigger man, as long as you take care of yourself and dress nicely :)
The most unattractive thing about you is the living with parents bit, sorry. I hope you've got some decent savings and haven't just spent 20 years amassing your action figure collection...

[JohnLuther]

AF I normally agree with what you say no matter how blunt you are, I suppose I took offence to your mummy comment because at the time we didn't know why the OP lived with his parents.

So I was not starting an argument out of fuck all.

Anyway I'm not turning this thread into a bun fight.

[MidniteScribbler]

I do have to agree (somewhat) with AFs last post. I own my own home (outright, I've paid off my mortgage) and whilst living at home wouldn't bother me as such, I'd only consider someone with a financial situation similar to myself at least in investments or savings. There is no way I'm going to risk my financial security and my son's future.

[AnyFucker]

OP, say you found a nice lady of a similar age to yourself (you are looking around your own age, yes....?)

it is very likely she would have accomodation of her own

would you feel on an equal footing with her ? Would you expect to move in to her house bearing in mind she had worked for it for some time ?

if I was dating now (which I am not), as a professional woman with a fair amount going for me, I would not consider you a future prospect

somethign to think about, maybe ?